Open Mic: The Woodsville Murders

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    Posted: 16 December 2016 at 12:56am

It would be cliche to witness murder on Halloween day
After all is 2016, not '78
But the story remains the same.. stalker after a teen prude
Who'd expect to get slashed on a school night in June?
That ain't horror, but I'm about to render the era
Slicin man or woman, it doesnt matter the gender
Youre witnessin diary entries that develop lunacy
I guess my therapist wishes he coulda got through to me
I watched him stare at his computer screen, 11 o clock
Typical white boy, muscles.. guess you'd call him a jock
Without the quarterback, i guess the title's up on the line
But who gives a fuck? I made my mark right in his spine
His keys were sticky from the blood i had him coughin and bleedin
The thickness in it had him gaggin when he wants to be breathin
I went the extra nudge and thrusted till it came out his chest
Left him with a knife inside his heart at his own computer desk
Why do people feel bad when they take anothers life?
I even took that bitches wallet, he fuckin ruined my knife
You may be reading and wondering "who could do this and run?"
I would have an answer, but having no motive is fun
Only time i was inspired to stab till the blood pours and drips
Is when I watch the sequel to a cheesy 80s horror flick
The next day, the news broke as im sitting in class
Trying not to smile, better yet, even laugh
Killing was my passion, its everything that pleased me most
Woulda killed his bitch next if I hadnt done it 2 weeks ago
Am i truly evil? Or just fucked up mentally?
You decide after i hang the principal at the assembly
The best part is that every kill is recorded, while blood pours and spills
I document the murders to make my own horror film
"Students, please report to the auditorium"
Guess it was time to give that punk his little memorium
Walked out of class, saw the principal in the hall
He went to piss so i cornered him inside of the stall
I thought of Scream when i got busy duct tapin his lips
Said "you try to fuckin fight and i will gut you like a fish"
Grabbed the rope out of my bag, had him lookin like a wild hog
Woulda finished him but i didnt want his blood all in the halls
When the hall cleared, I dragged him down the steps to his office
Grabbed his keys and took his cell phone out his pocket
Texted his wife "Honey, im not comin back home
You can tuck that ugly fuck right into bed all alone"
Could have just killed him in his chair, but why have his blood roarin from
His veins when i could hang him in the fuckin auditorium?
After all, the back door to his office was connected
Hes kickin and squeelin, as i drag him by his neck quick
Carry him up the steps until i hit the catwalk
Lookin down, i see the students, man they act all
Fuckin depressed, but what was comin was worse
I ripped the tape on his mouth, and before he could burst
I wrapped the rope around his neck, tied the end to the bar
Lookin down like "damn, man. That drops pretty far"
I put the knife to his chin, said "this the end of the line
Now when I kill a guy, the whole school can see it this time"
He said "you cant get away with this, you gotta listen to me"
I said "wrong. The killer doesnt die in this movie"
He looked at me in shock, as i pulled out my phone
Stood him up and shaked his keys "ill see your wife back at home"
Gave him a wink, but before i pushed him over
I made sure i fuckin sliced his stomach right open
Threw his ass off of the walk, and when he stopped and then swung
His guts fell all on the stage, staff, students and all
Looking in awe, everybody screamed in a fright
Put the knife back in my pocket as i breezed through the night
As I write this very entry, im still on the loose
So when you find this and read it, make sure you look behind you
Because if im not there for you, im killin someone you know
But only time will tell until I have your carcass corrode
Maybe you can be the star in the film that im making
You can get the fame, but your hearts for my taking
After all, there was only 2 scenes with a kill
Unfortunately for you I still got an hour to fill

See you soon

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Lord Puente View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 1:28am
wow.......... this is what im talking about. there were less gaps in the story this time and it just made the story that much fucking better. you give the first kill, then make a mention of the other in the past, rather than do multiple jumps of kills. the more jumps done take away from it. the smooth connection is what makes stories great imo. this did that exactly. you made a quick introduction of the character, then you led him to the meat and potatoes of the story but you had the play by play of how he ended up from the bathroom, to swaying gutless in the auditorium. you had some slick multis in here, well done on that.
 
how you ended it was dope, you managed to create a fear of the character, and reading about him maybe being behind me actually made me feel like im being watched by someone behind me... real talk tho.... I looked....
 
solid solid drop, I really enjoyed this. it was awesome, best story ive seen you drop yet!
 
on the note for improvement, I really think introducing a name to the character always help the reader build the character in their mind, it makes it more real. kind of like how farmers tell their kids not to name the farm animals because they will be slaughtered for meat. they don't want them to build that emotional connection.
 
the only other thing I will say, im big on transitional rhymes which is not something I really see much on this site by anyone. when switching a rhyme it can shift it to god tier when you add that transitional rhyme.
 
this was fire tho, great drop man!
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 1:34am
thanks man! me not adding a character name was intentional actually, I wanted to give the reader a feeling that anybody could be killer. anybody around you, so keep your eyes open because you don't know who could come for you. that was kind of the idea, but I can also definitely see why you think a character name would fit too. thanks for reading homie
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote H4ZE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 1:44am
This shit is crazy bro, kept me on the edge the whole time wondering what would happen, there was no skips in the story, it was easy to follow and understand, flow was good throughout, good wording and the story telling was great. Loved the detailing of the killing, you really snapped on this shit. You ended it nice too, almost made me look over my shoulder to see if someone was behind me lmao. Good shit homie youve been killing the OMs lately.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 1:46am
thanks h4ze, I got bored chillin in 6th period and ended up writing this that same period lmao
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 6:29pm
This was dope. It reminded me of the first Scream movie (as you mentioned in your verse). It was really graphic, but well thought out and executed. I could see it...but in motion. Your attention to detail really brought this piece to life. For instance, the parts about the computer, dragging the principal down the catwalk, and shaking the keys, all added to the realism of the story. Vivid and visceral writing. You've been on a tear, bro. This was elite level stuff. I Can't really fault you on anything I just read. It was just dope and a pleasure to read. Props!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 8:05pm
Thank you!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 8:57pm
lol..to be honest at first I thought I was reading a piece by Daydizzle there for a moment,had me checking the alias to make sure,anyways this for me came off
as horror core piece or like a short story on Fright Night,and yeah I liked it on the
whole,from when I saw the title (which is class by the way) until the finish,the
read was a pacey one and also stayed on course like a horse on a track,it also
had a vibrant feel too,and that don't turn round part was classic horror fiction..
lol..nice touch there,in a way it added a little bit of suspense to this piece,the
only fault I have with this is that it was to directed,yeah I get the character just
likes random killings and a thrill he gains from them,but a little back story would
of transformed this verse no ends,like as a boy he'd burn bugs or torture the local
cat,then hit the cruel and callous shit,even adding a little part questioning himself
would of added extra depth to this,which in turn would lift this piece up,details and
imagery count to for a lot in an OM,anyways still it was good,and a enjoyable read
overall,so props for the effort and the read itself..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 December 2016 at 10:52pm
thanks for reading man! glad you enjoyed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 2:34pm
Anymore looks on this?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 2:48pm
Mr. Elite,

I dont know why you dont write as much. I know you do audio and shit but your OM's are top notch when you write. You use the proper vocab, awesome flow, usually always keep on point with a topical and keep people reading your shit. So for that being said. Fuck you.


This piece was long. I read it a day or two ago and was lazy to break it down segment by segment because of the length. Its a little discouraging but fuck, you do audio so this was casual for ya. I got alot of visuals while reading this. You are descriptive as fuck.  Example

Carry him up the steps until i hit the catwalk
Lookin down, i see the students, man they act all
Fuckin depressed, but what was comin was worse
I ripped the tape on his mouth, and before he could burst
I wrapped the rope around his neck, tied the end to the bar
Lookin down like "damn, man. That drops pretty far"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is the shit i like to read. Descriptive, a little comical and
vivid. I can picture this shit in my head brothaman. Its dopeness
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 2:51pm
Thanks dizz! Btw im back to writing topicals for a while, i havent felt inspired to make anymore tracks lately, im more interested in topical writing currently. I dropped another piece called The Killing Joke to test the waters on how good i could write a topical (its been a long time since i wrote one) and it came out great, so im back at it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 3:46pm
Elite... man what a long way you have come bro... this was a fluid read but my eyes do hurt from the one long ass structure. Some gaps are easier on the eyes. I felt the the beginning and middle were all set up for the end. The end was really really good. You incorporated a nice fear factor. I thought the simple approach was done well. What I mean by that is you weren't overly technical with schemes and you didn't use a huge vocab which was good. It really gave it a nice short story vibe. I enjoyed it man, you really gave it a motion picture feel to it. I could see your lyrics and scenes you created.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Elite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 7:10pm
Thanks for the feed ill, glad you enjoyed the read
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 7:35pm
yo, anything i add will just be mimicking what others have said. very detailed very well thought out story you have on your hands here. My favorite genre of movies is horror, so something like this is right down my alley. just picturing each line like a movie slide, it really came to life so you deserve every bit of credit you get on this. Good work, great read. keep em coming 
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