Open Mic: Altering Egos (Diss) |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Posted: 02 January 2017 at 6:11am |
ain't no ability in A.E., these noobs too new to site at least that's what these fools crew's recruitments like worried about losing the few you liked, yea, you were right you lost Sky cuz he was first to finish my User's Guide your group should die, inexperienced minds too weak to know what Crewsades were like pull the trigger like Hitler and commit suicide get wiped off the earth like the States did Third Reich surprised at the white light, did you think you would survive well shit, look at the bright side, this was your biggest highlight maybe some will remember you, reincarnate the group start fresh with new members after the trash is removed but with your current route, your destined to lose century old hoarders don't have as much shit accrued how can you succeed when your own leaders noob and yall just got ethered by a guy who features food - Edited by Lord Puente - 02 January 2017 at 6:48am |
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d0pe!
Groupie Joined: 10 December 2016 Status: Offline Points: 28 |
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The size of the bars imply that you wrote to beat?(At least to me) If not, i still tried to read as if it had a cadence with it. IMO it helped the piece.
The first quatrain was simple, plain and to the point. I feel as if you couldve gone a little harder here, but i do see the effectiveness of essentially 'sonning' them by referencing your Users Guide. 2nd quatrain, first couplet was a clear personal, the 2nd couplet, im not sure if im missing a personal reference here, but i felt as if they were kindve throwaway bars. 3 quatrain, these 4 bars are my fave. love the rhyme scheme, the first bars implication to death is very nice, and just continued to pour on the hate with the following 3 4 quatrain, nice and clear closer. very well surmises the entire piece and concludes it nicely. In the future, when i get a little more versed on the site, ill start up a rating system of 1-10. With that said, not bad, i do like the fact its kindve serious but kindve light at the same time. Keep up the hard work. Also, id love to see a reply from one of them or all?
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HI-Z
Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos |
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Lol, I'm not a battle rapper but I'll post a reply.
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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D0pe, actually, I did not write to a beat. I'm just very picky with my syllable count in order to keep the flows slick and effortless. That's for the feed.
Hi-z it don't matter, always good to branch out and try sometimhing out of the norm. This was more directed at slip n s Dubb since they had something to say bout sky and had some shots fired in general. |
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HI-Z
Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos |
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it just seemed like your reply was aimed at all of us, and it was well written too lol. Props on the response time also.
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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Yo L.P. this was a decent diss...
You had some OK jabs throughout the verse, but a few fell flat. No real highlight haymakers but overall the diss was effective. The opener made me laugh a little lol and you brought in some nice personal shots at the crew. Not sure if you just wanted to fire shots off or something was stemming from it, but overall it was decent. |
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AxyRocker
Standard Member Joined: 16 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1297 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 23-40-1 Form: LLLLWL |
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I smell beef !
ain't no ability in A.E., these noobs too new to site at least that's what these fools crew's recruitments like worried about losing the few you liked, yea, you were right you lost Sky cuz he was first to finish my User's Guide Decent-ish concept was cool with why sky left that crew but could've been executed better, maybe drop some wordplays in or something. your group should die, inexperienced minds too weak to know what Crewsades were like pull the trigger like Hitler and commit suicide get wiped off the earth like the States did Third Reich LMAO ! I liked the Crewsades concept, but I think you used it 1-2 too and no it kinda seems played cuz of that. Suicide thing was sheer hatred nothing too witty but raw hatred and that is good kinda sets the tone. surprised at the white light, did you think you would survive well shit, look at the bright side, this was your biggest highlight maybe some will remember you, reincarnate the group start fresh with new members after the trash is removed Whaddya mean they can't just remove their leader! lol , I see you sacrificed your rhymes here for the content and that works as long as its not much and the punches are at point. but with your current route, your destined to lose century old hoarders don't have as much shit accrued how can you succeed when your own leaders noob and yall just got ethered by a guy who features food Lmao you food fag! I just had this feeling in my gut that you were gonna refer that food stuff. Overall decent diss, could've taken more time as this in some parts felt rushed and not well focused so you can work on that .
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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lol...im not here to fuel beef,but i'll still give you honest feedback..
Firstly I really did like the Zulu insert (it made me chuckle),the title itself I thought was decent too,this piece did have some highlights here,like Sky finishing your user's guide, and the Hitler line,you was however inaccurate about the states defeating the Third Riech,it was a world war,plus the Russian turned them over in truth as they started to get their act together,this verse had some nice jabs to be honest,nothing to hard hitting though but cute all the same,overall I liked it really,and there's a bonus to be had in shaking things up,the by product is more activity,(BL3 gonna be good I feel),so for you here I say well done,ballsy move but played well..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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TBH alot of played out angles and nothin hit hard at all
i must say the flow is decent but no real damge done over this way i just replied with a verse instead of that chit chat crap
Edited by Cuba - 02 January 2017 at 8:13pm |
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Unless it's a cypher (or intended as one) then don't post verses in Open Mic...you've got a separate thread for that already. I've changed that to a link, so people can be redirected to the response if they want to view the ongoing saga/beef/exchange.
Any issue, either use the general board or PM me.
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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thanks for the feed peeps, yea not my usual. but hey, why not branch out every so often.
and to cuba, thanks for "protrolling" as someone else put it.
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d0pe!
Groupie Joined: 10 December 2016 Status: Offline Points: 28 |
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See, and now knowing thats how you write, i wish i knew what cadence you had it in. Naahmean?
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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L.P I'm sorry but I've seen better from you.... This wasn't that great, no real solid punchlines just a bunch of jabs.... Started off slow, but then you picked it up, sad thing is not even a diss came to you, but I will post a reply in just a bit..... Overall this wasn't one of your better verses..... Nothing that shocked and awe, just a jab here and a jab there.....
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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thanks for the feed
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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i can only echo what people have said with it woud work well on a beat and you could of come with more punchlines. It was a clean diss peace and i thought the angles were pretty on point. I felt the clowning from the meme and it rolled on nicely through the first two sections. Overall my favorite of the current on goings so far
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#bananas
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