Open Mic: Day #1

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Skep View Drop Down
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    Posted: 13 January 2017 at 4:48am
When I drinking the pain away, sustain my day in a rage of hate
Shot number two - I face the same O'l shame in ways that stains my praise
Walking down a bad path with the wrong stroll, bong tokes
Cough a lung just for fun, stunned when I run with a song quote
16 a day to shake the rust, pardon me - I've got fakes to trust
Now, I'm ready to take back what was taken from the rest of us
A renegade who shares a fate with Guy Fawkes, tried lots of--
Medication, separation by doctors whom like to pry thoughts
Coke driven, cold spinning, vomit the floor of a random can
Pale as fuck, still drunk and spun asking... "What really happened man?"
A train wreck, with bodies splattered over the train wreck
The trains station split into eight chambers, pain waivers for---
A man's pride, tried with strife and he's comfortable when the pain sets
Just another day, another hour, sour cause another day's wrecked
Bills ain't paid yet, see how tomorrow goes, let me know if it changed yet


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Trizzy Tre View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Trizzy Tre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 January 2017 at 1:41pm
Yooooo welcome back Skep!!

This was nice all around. The whole piece was scripted smoothly and the inners and multi's were dope. You strung everything together effortlessly. The beginning part was cool...

Looking forward to you dropping some tough audios man.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 7:45am
Yeah man a smooth read throughout. Good topic too and it wasn't presented basically like you just wanted the verse to go from A to B and quickly get your point across.

A renegade who shares a fate with Guy Fawkes, tried lots of--
Medication, separation by doctors whom like to pry thoughts
Coke driven, cold spinning, vomit the floor of a random can
Pale as fuck, still drunk and spun asking... "What really happened man?"
A train wreck, with bodies splattered over the train wreck

^ That was the highlight to me especially the train wreck line cause it put more of a spin on a popular phrase to make it more extreme. I also thought the ending was strong and summed up the whole piece nicely and accurately, just a whole tone of indifference. Good stuff man, keep it up.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Skep Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2017 at 2:04pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2017 at 2:12pm

Opener filled with inners. Liking that. Assonance is nice.
Second bar reminded me of Diabolic 12 shots. Dope. Flow in this
is great and im liking the pace. Content wise. This was clean.
It seems like a grimey dude just making it enough to breath
in life. Nice imagery when i read this. Simple yet very effective
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote S Dubb Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2017 at 2:55pm
This was a solid drop...... I like how this wasn't simply based on the end of the lines......  You had many inners throughout this entire verse, nicely done......  You had a great use of multies which added dramatically to your overall flow......  Your set up worked perfectly, everything went smooth with this verse, good work...... Very enjoyable read and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you.....
Topical Twist League= 1-0
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Regular Text= 0-1
Alias= 0-1
Topical= 1-0
Horrorcore= 1-0

Overall= 3-5
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote NBread Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2017 at 5:28pm
Easy to follow and easier to feel. No rhymes forced.

Just another day, another hour, sour cause another day's wrecked
Bills ain't paid yet, see how tomorrow goes, let me know if it changed yet
A bar like this letting a reader relate to the acceptance of their invisible prison adds so much. Gives the storyteller depth and shows the human behind self destruction.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 January 2017 at 1:20am
Guess everything's been said already, but I really enjoyed the schemes you went with. Very smooth and with a natural tone. There were several, very creatively linked references, as I think, like that Guy Fawkes one. The narrative is rather simple, but I think that's what made this even more enjoyable. I also loved the consistency both content-and scheme wise. Good read. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Skep Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 January 2017 at 1:53pm
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