Open Mic: F***a title |
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HI-Z
Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos |
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Posted: 09 July 2017 at 9:27am |
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Silently I creep, a wolf amongst the sheep.
Never bearing teeth, until it's time to eat. Violently I leap, at hooves and cloven feet. Tearing up their sheets, and shredding their beliefs. Quietly I speak, keeping tongue in cheek. Never quite knowing who I'm supposed to reap. Although they knew that we would meet, there's no klues left To keep, For fate has always been a factor deciding for the meek. |
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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You had a couple nice bars here bro really wish you'd give us a full verse tho could be good
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See no evil speak no evil silent echo alter ego
inner demon violent beast so warn the mother fucking people |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Firstly although a real short piece the use of assonace was solid here,almost vowel for
vowel,which is a highlight in itself,plus it aided the flow/tempo no ends,also from the opening line i was dragged in,this verse had sprite attached to it which in turn added a layer to this very short piece,good work and like Slip,wished it was Longer..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Truthfully, I wished you kept writing and completed this. I hate reading incomplete work. It's almost a waste of my time honestly. What you had was okay I thought.
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HI-Z
Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos |
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Hey slip,crim,and ill thank you guys for the feed back. I intended this to be much longer but I recently got a new job and I've been putting in some seriously long hours. It's taken up most of my time and honestly it's starting to ware me down, it literally took me about 3 weeks to write this one line at a time. I wanted to drop it as part of that soward Kotom,... But FML man I gotta find some time to just sit down and write I'm losing my fuckin mind. I'll catch ya later guys
Peace out. |
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D.Von Doom
Standard Member Joined: 18 June 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1534 Audio Rank: #1 Stats: 15-4-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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Speaking of faggots i sure do stay on your mind alot. I mean you mention me whenever possible. Come out the closet slip...you still haven't battled me or ch3kk after killing you audio mic multiple times...refer to yout record if you want to validate why you're trash |
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I can only fall off in space...
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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The original comeback kid
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Doom this isn't feedback this is a spam post,you know the rules pls stick by them,if
you post in here again,make sure it's for feed purposes only,i don't want to get salty with you n shit.. And before you post Slip,it goes for you as well. And DTK pls don't agitate here..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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D.Von Doom
Standard Member Joined: 18 June 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1534 Audio Rank: #1 Stats: 15-4-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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I stay on your mind too....i see you fags run together |
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I can only fall off in space...
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Doom really?..your next post I'll delete as for the other 2 as well,stop it NOW..
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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HI-Z
Groupie Joined: 27 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 196 Crew: Alter Egos |
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Hey if this gonna used for a bunch of shit talking Feel free to lock it or just delete it altogether. You ain't got no class homie, how the fuck you think it's okay to post some stupid ass shit on some one else's OM?
Punk ass bitch!! Battle me fagot!! I'll take a day off work just too smoke your ass! |
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