Open Mic: Clockwork: Second Level Thinking |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 26 July 2017 at 5:58pm |
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If I'm honest.. I don't know what to make of this piece. It grew organically, originally with an idea, but I drifted from that idea into something that I think I want to leave up to interpretation. If you do leave feedback I'm interested on what you take from this. “Clockwork: Second Level Thinking” Sequencing the transmitters as designed Hand jitters, that’s a sign, repeatedly Passing by, is the frequency adding time? Mastermind sand figures contrive decency As aligned, unevenly, its prescribed Bandwidths, unrefined, at a glance it’s Humankind, granted it’s undermined Coded language is inclined.. ..A foreign climb Scenery candid unconfined From odor rise or visions of solar skies Sensational polar ice to oceans frozen tides The sense of global vibes smell fresh as orange rinds Is death a form of life? Not sure that I Understand, before I resort to my Core combined with what yours implies It’s certainty, the roar behind contorted minds Imploring why, war we whine internally The morning cry from dormancy, forcefully Fall on the sword to die, it's morally A forum, provide the content into orbit Scornfully I drive the sportiest of rides I was born, as was time, lines of concepts Distorted in it's prime so finding logic In binding context was recorded pantomime The size of the comments had an unsupported paradigm Like fire to a comet trailing towards a standard But lies & nonsense act as a thesaurus It's a cancer, misinterpreted the virus Violence in turn divides the process This diversion is to silence & factually important That the dying prospects (which is adequately proportioned) Continue defying progress, fights rose between this Divine & oppressed... psychokinesis Was gradually imported to the guides of conscious Only me, survived the conflicts, the riots.. Monsters, inside us created a difference In origin we related, it's ignorance That time stole peace & gave hate all its profits & I'm looked at as Gods of Promise Edited by iLL ScriptureZ - 26 July 2017 at 6:15pm |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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for whats its worth, I liked it.
as for what I got from it: felt like internalizing "what it all" means. I think that, for the most part, people dont truly consider how we got here. I was actually thinking about this the other day, how did we collectively just agree to follow mutual rules and customs (for the most part).. I think its why culture is so important. kinda similiar to your vehicle reference, its kinda like... I do it cause its whats supposed to, in a sense. if im off base, thats alright, just how I felt reading the piece. |
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#Bananas
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well for me it comes across as a race against time to gain enlighten via understanding
of our imperfections,it's reads like we just joined the path of spiritualism & then thirst for the knowledge it holds,we seem to be looking for answers to our problems in which we crafted through ignorance,and the answer is blatantly us as this was man made from the start,when we're the key along here,in essence it also relates to the 7 deadly sins that is typically man,it also had a biblical vibe entow,which could also be another path of thought,the thing is this verse is so open for some interpretation really as the direction of contents is spatial,you did have a start and an end as such,that seemed to go full circle,whilst the mid section let the readers thoughts roam,the thing i can say though is this,it'll appeal to a lot of ppl because like the Bible you can take from it what you want and understand,and most will have a different point of view here via understanding,(so i guess my interpretation isn't going to help much),anyways this piece is like the one Neek wrote (Family Portrait/Selfie),in that it had a rare thing within by offering participation value,like the reader decides what's what,and like Neek's it has reread value,i liked it good job..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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This was a cool drop conceptionaly. I see what you were doing with intertwining biology, time, computers all into one concept. "Coded Language is Inclined" was dope. Your vocabulary was perfect for this type of drop. I have a hint that you were trying to express something on a larger level of understanding. You were trying to grasp that through writing but whatever was in your head wasnt typing out correctly. That is what i got from how this progressed. I was hoping you went deep into that first 8 bars. The ending of those bars and it seemed this went adrift. Still on another level but i wanted you to be hyper focused on those first few bars and run with that. Still not bad by any means but thats what i wanted to see as i read the piece.
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Your comments always have value. That is an interesting though about mutual rules and customs. I appreciate the look and the time.
Thanks Crim. I like the 7 deadly sins thought that is "man made". As far as the start and the end.. I really had no idea what the fuck I was doing but I'm glad you found closure from the beginning. Unless your fucking with me lol
Cool drop conceptually screams "REACH" lol Although I don't know what exactly I was reaching for. So I'll definitely welcome that criticism. You hit the nail on the head as far as trying to grasp my thought but it wasn't typing out correctly. Thought you'd be more all over this from a multi stand point lol..thanks man... |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Interesting thought piece here, iLL. I wish we would have included this verse into Me and Self's collabo because i felt this verse really examines the dichotomy of existence. I know that sounds very pseudo-intellectual and empty but in our collabo, we established irresistible notion of "necessary violence" - using the idea to elaborate on things that rely on opposing forces (if u want to allude to Eastern philosophy then Ying/Yang Tao). This verse i felt really elaborate on that idea. here's an example:
"From odor rise or visions of solar skies" "Is death a form of life? " and this segment all but summarize (to me) the meat of the piece: Violence in turn divides the process This diversion is to silence & factually important That the dying prospects (which is adequately proportioned) Continue defying progress, fights rose between this Divine & oppressed... psychokinesis Was gradually imported to the guides of conscious Only me, survived the conflicts, the riots.. again the, the idea of progress (in this case evolutionary one?) is rooted in some kind of conflict/violence. and when i say violence i don't mean the conventional definition, rather the opposing forces or tension that make things move and run. dope piece, man. loved it! @self to to this thread. i look forward to seeing how you break this down! this is definitely the missing piece to the collabo! |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Sam thanks for the time. Reading your feedback gives an interesting take with the comparison to your topic. It reads different to me in that mindset.
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Flame thanks for the perspective. I'm taking all feedback on this bc honestly I'm not sure what to make of it fully. I'm still trying to gather my thoughts about it and and wanted the forums vision. You really brought a fresh perspective in your thoughts of each stanza you broke down. I appreciate that man and will def return the favor.
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Cool title, but all I can think of is this is about to be some Stanley Kubrick level of strange.
Uhmmm this is very cryptic and coded language. I'm not quite sure what to make of it other than you're somehow and for some reason tampering with the Space Time Continuum ... maybe. I don't know.
No clue bro. None of that makes much sense to me.
Let's reach ... okay, this is dealing with untampered landscapes. Nature uncorrupted by the plight of man's obsession to constantly build despite the environmental destruction it causes.
This part is taking us on a journey from South to North, describing each region while encouraging some measure of unity across the globe. The freshness of orange rinds may allude to a new season/changing of ideas. A fresh start like the blossoming smell of Springtime fruits and flowers (i.e. new beginnings, for humanity in particular)
Well, is night a form of day? Does one exist or have relevance without the other? All things exist within the realm of duality. It takes one (usually opposite) to define the other. Although, in the case of death specifically, I'd say it is. Because the dead don't think of themselves as dead, though if the did then would they really be dead? And the living usually think of the dead in terms of memories of when they were alive. And even if we didn't the concept of death only exist amongst the living which makes death a component of life for its relevance is only important to those that still exist. Hopefully a tiny fragment of that made some semblance of sense.
This is all over the place. In the first half I think you speak of willful ignorance and complicity. People wanting to be blind to the facts, being content in their sheepish ways, preferring to be asleep as opposed to awake to what is really happening. Complaining about war yet being complicit in the causes of it. Whereas by the better portion of the end you talk of the corruption of your soul via material things and liken your eternal essence to the concept of Time and how, it, like yourself, has been used in ways opposite of its initial design.
This all reads like a battle between the ego (the lie) and the soul (the truth). On the one hand we have the material world, the illusion, but seemingly all that there is, its tangible, verifiable, and quantifiable so we believe it to be real. All our numbers, states, science, and senses say that it is. But it's actually the manifestation of the ego trying to trick us so these hollow (but seemingly familiar) versions of ourselves can continue to exist. Whereas on the other hand we have the soul, our true self. It's above the illusion and reminds us there is always something more beyond the vail and to not be fooled by the tricks of time and other self invent human concepts, because we are beyond them. Unless we forget that we are and then we run the risk of being imprisoned by them (like we have with time). Maybe my feed is more confusing than your verse is lol. In any case, this was different, iLL. Mechanically it was top notch. However, both the concept and the content were ... well ... something I don't really know how to classify. But, I think perhaps interesting seems like the most suitable word for it. So let roll with that one. Interesting piece my dude. Peace... |
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