Open Mic: Reminiscing

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    Posted: 14 October 2017 at 11:44pm
Wanted to share something on my mind. I wrote this over a couple months, occasionally opening it and editing a few lines. You can still feed if you want but I get in my emotions here. I read it very specifically so hopefully the punctuation and pauses help set the pace.

Thanks.

____________

Your funeral was beautiful it showed who you were
Or who you are, I don't even have the words
Five years since I last saw you, knowing that it hurts
Didn't know you enough to know you were cursed
Know you were hurt
I was bad as a kid, didn't know you were worse
Now the last time I see you in the back of a hearse?!
{pause}

Only lost one friend but I guess we'll see
I know we will
Some will die and some will kill
Some will sigh and just pop pills
Go deranged, insane, people change...
{pause}

I hope I do
Because I've been feeling a bit like you
Not that I could ever fit your shoe
But understand mine are big too...
I'm no one; going no where slow
Most my days have been so low
Only lately have highs
Narcotics excluded, though I used em
Temporary relief through substance abuses,
I mean the love of my life
An illusion, let's me know it's alright
Or is she real, with a smile so bright
Light up the darkness in my mind
Without her I'd still be blind and,
stuck mesmerised by the disguised
Pretending they care, and
Pretending they're there, and
Pretending I don't see 'em stare
When I lay myself bare!
{pause}

When I was you, seventeen, believe I made myself bleed...
But you were more dedicated than me
I don't get it, why did you leave?
What did he see?
A light at the end or flashing red
Of the ambulance rushing to see him dead?
Back to life on the brink of death
Brain dead in a hospital bed
Kept alive by machines
Organs fail, is this a dream?
I JUST WANNA...scream
Wake up! (       ), wake up!
Wake up! (       ), please wake up...
Please let this be a nightmare
I never pictured a life where
I lose a friend, it ain't right, it ain't fair
{pause}

When I found out...don't think I slept
Before then been years since I wept
I wish that's how I could've left it
Couldn't tell anyone so I swept it
{pause}

Under the rug
Wish we hug more
Or maybe just once
Maybe just love
And it woulda been done
Coulda been fine
Not pressed for time
Stressed out our minds
Get old and alzheims
...a horrible thing to wish for
But at least you would've lived more
{pause}

Who am I to say what you should've done...
I knew I'd lose people T...
I just wish you weren't the first one
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 October 2017 at 12:45am
Never seen your stuff before bro....
Gotta tell you this kinda writing is why I love the art
You absolutely nailed this
Nothing felt fake or forced the emotions were next level
Outstanding

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 October 2017 at 2:14am
Appreciate that. I lurk a bit now but don't post much anymore. Not as much spare time on my hands. I still write stuff but it never leads to anything.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Who-Is-You? Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 October 2017 at 2:19am
This is great writing. You've definitely crafted a style which is unique too. 
I was a bit confused though of who this was about.
At one point it seems that you are talking to a friend. maybe a homie or something.
But then on the part I'm about to paste, it seems you are talking to a woman
Wish we hug more
Or maybe just once
Maybe just love
And it woulda been done
Coulda been fine
Not pressed for time
Stressed out our minds
Get old and alzheims
...a horrible thing to wish for
But at least you would've lived more
So yes, I wasn't sure.
But still, the literature and way you lay it out is enjoyable to read.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bazooka bastard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2017 at 12:14am
In all honesty, being seriously sad about something as the basis of your writing really makes my dick limp.
However, I could really imagine this goin down well at a funeral, seemed extremely genuine & it's probably done you some good to get it out. Right on sister!

My only criticism would be lack of scientific evidence of the curse. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2017 at 9:35am
The youngest brother of a family of 4 I grew up with as kids took his life earlier this year. Hadn't seen them in 5 years until the funeral, so in my memory he was still 13...it's not all directed to him, it's sort of disjointed pieces of my mind and thoughts when I was trying to process his passing. It's to him, about him, about me.

I don't use love as in "I'm in love with you". It's my understanding he didn't feel like he had a purpose in life, I feel that if he received a bit more direct 'love' - companionship, compassion, friends - he would still be here.

"Wish we hug more" is both me saying I wish I saw them more often and I wish humans as a whole showed more love to one another and were more open.
"or maybe just once" is me saying maybe just one act of sincerity and love could have saved him...

Thanks.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2017 at 9:37am
I'm not sure what you mean when you mention the lack of scientific evidence.

Thanks anyway.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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