Open Mic: Trapped in Grief

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   Rusty as shit and I feel like I could add more to this but yeah it is what it is. Just had to sweat that shit out lol. All feed will be returned.

I've always been a guy to simple take it in stride
Like faking even though my heart is breaking inside
I never fall flat, always take the ball back
Always crawl to the light, but my sight is all black
I've never had to claw from this depth before
Like every breath's a chore and only death's in store
A future bleak as night, it's like I've peaked in life
And I'll never get a chance again to reach the heights
Of a time that's passed, just yesterday
I was immensely blessed until she stepped away
We were sharing a life, a heart and a home
Do I have what it takes to restart it alone?
Sleeping on a floor, all depressed and weak
Or in a bed with another ex next to me
No such thing as a cheap fix, I'm trapped in grief
They say time's gonna heal, but I lack belief

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Goryo. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Goryo. Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Trapped in Grief Posted: 23 November 2017 at 1:33pm
	Rusty as shit and I feel like I could add more to this but yeah it is what it is. Just had to sweat that shit out lol. All feed will be returned. I've always been a guy to simple take it in stride Like faking even though my heart is breaking inside I never fall flat, always take the ball back Always crawl to the light, but my sight is all black I've never had to claw from this depth before Like every breath's a chore and only death's in store A future bleak as night, it's like I've peaked in life And I'll never get a chance again to reach the heights Of a time that's passed, just yesterday I was immensely blessed until she stepped away We were sharing a life, a heart and a home Do I have what it takes to restart it alone? Sleeping on a floor, all depressed and weak Or in a bed with another ex next to me No such thing as a cheap fix, I'm trapped in grief They say time's gonna heal, but I lack belief

Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 November 2017 at 1:29am
	This piece had an enduring and quaint vibe entow,the feeling of time slipping by,coupled with the sense of having to make do with being with an ex instead of who you really want was a nice inclusion,it added a certain depth via the progression of this subject matter,it came off like a missed opportunity or a life passing by scenario,almost like regret really,i liked it innocents here,the other big added bonus was flow,as i found this to read real smooth throughout due to your rhyming scheme and assonance,and as you've already stated this is a quick read that is open to even more depth and imagery if it was longer,i also thought you did well to say you haven't put pen to paper for a long time, enjoyed the read..peace.
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".

Absolute Abomination Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Absolute Abomination Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 November 2017 at 5:38am
	Nice drop, good contextual and sensical use of multies that aren't just there to fill up line length. Not spectacular but you know that already, you rusty ;p
	Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.

alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 December 2017 at 12:03am
	I really liked the simplicity behind the scheme and the naturalness of your flow here, it kind of made the verse even more authentic. Obviously, this is short but quite to the point regardless. And I can appreciate your rather direct approach with some relatable content. Pieces like these always make for a nice read - not only due to the authenticity behind your words. The 'time that's passed' bar for example was very vividly descriptive, and added some slightly more abstract imagery to your overall approach. But really, you incorporated nice imagery, and I somewhat liked how your closing line echoed your title. A quite nice read overall.