Open Mic: Quick 16

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
barrybondz View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member


Joined: 09 June 2014
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 1440

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 0-1-0
Form: L
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote barrybondz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Quick 16
    Posted: 28 December 2017 at 11:02am
So ya got beef, I'll kick you right in the shin
So fuck geeks, homie I'll knock ya right in the chin
Yeah laugh, it's funny but I got that devilish grin
I relish in it, I once gave a shit turned selfish
Life keeps kicking and eventually you get the message
Yet jealous ones envy, I beg em to end me
Who woulda thought words could be so deadly
A conscience weighs heavy so you'd better tread lightly
Fear ain't healthy friend I can get quite nasty
I'm twenty six but in my mind I'm only nineteen
Yeah I fucked with queen, bohemian rhapsody
One writer, one producer and that shit was clean
Now we got j-bieber? Twenty nine producers thirty writers? 
Pops in a state of 9-1-1 so call the rap cops
Til this crap stops send this punk on the run
Quick! give Ransom a loaded gun, quick destroy my pun
Why should he have all the fun?

Back to Top
Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 15 May 2015
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 556

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 3-3-0
Form: LLWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 December 2017 at 12:27pm
this one was much better...but I remember seeing that meme with Bieber and Queen and the lyrics and the list of writers a few years ago. Some old irrelevant subject matter Bondz...

I liked the first half and didn't like the second half. Shoulda stopped after "I can get quite nasty" and continue on that braggodocio i am the best stuff, instead you switch to taking shots at a pop star that taking shots at has been lame for a few years.

PS this is 17 lines not 16
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
Back to Top
Crimson Juice View Drop Down
Site Moderator
Site Moderator
Avatar

Joined: 20 December 2015
Location: U.K.
Status: Offline
Points: 3258
Crew: Lyricist Inc.

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 6-11-0
Form: LLWLW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 December 2017 at 10:52am
So BB good to see your alias about again,this piece is like a selfhype/warning Shot
for me,your rhyme scheme was basic but it did have merit as it kept this drop(imo)
moving on,I liked the Queen lines within this,not only the "Bohemian Rhapsody",but
the other indirect lines like One writer One producer,it had that "Its A Kind Of Magic"
vibe which mirrowed how that songs starts,i didn't care for the J Bieber references
to much though,seemed unnecessary and read kind off flat and out of place here,
all in all a nice drop that's easily worth a 3 star rating, which i will assign this piece,
anyways good to read your around again...peace





Sorry dude i hit the 2 stars by mistake.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
Back to Top
barrybondz View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member


Joined: 09 June 2014
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 1440

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 0-1-0
Form: L
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote barrybondz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 December 2017 at 12:32am
You know what's wrong with today's rap or this mumble crap. Kids sit on a rhyme dictionary and try to rhyme big words all day and call it intricate. In the song shook ones prodigy says" I'm only 19 but in my mind I'm old" so I had a shout out that probably went over most heads but oh well. Also in business Eminem says hip-hops in a state of 9-1-1 "pops in a state of 9-1-1" name a different pop artist worth taking a crack at that's in a state of 9-1-1. Overall writing pieces with "big words" and calling that a complex rhyme scheme ain't the same thing.

Also as for the 1 writer 1 producer, it wasn't about some meme you saw on the internet. It was basically a shout-out to queen whilst also stating rap typically has 1 writer and that's why I prefer it's genre.
Back to Top
Absolute Abomination View Drop Down
Standard Member
Standard Member
Avatar

Joined: 15 May 2015
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 556

Text Rank: Unranked
Stats: 3-3-0
Form: LLWW
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Absolute Abomination Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 December 2017 at 6:04am
That was a reaching Prodigy reference lol.
Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down