Open Mic: my dream last night, my poem for today |
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Who-Is-You?
Groupie Joined: 03 October 2017 Status: Offline Points: 89 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-0 Form: WW |
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Posted: 28 January 2018 at 6:25pm |
Last night I dreamt of you
I got so close but could hardly remember you confused, I couldn't smell the familiar scent of you free, there was no love to trap me and when I looked in your eyes, I sadly felt no compassion..... and you looked so unhappy ... whispered, and asked me "do you still love me?". that's when I paused and said ".....I feel nothin ......". I'm no longer lost in that dark fate. And I noticed when I focused on your eyes, they no longer make my heart ache. And unlike I did for years, when you'd throw fits and more, this time, I didn't catch your tears, I just let them hit the floor. reluctantly I say, "no I don't love you anymore" as we both stare down at the puddle on the floor nothing more to say, I walk after I turn away my dream last night, my poem for today |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well well well BG,impressive and quite poetic..
Yeah i liked this one,your depiction was the highlight for me,the details were subtle but expressive,and the flow was smooth also,i could visualise the pool of dropped tears,the realisation of a lie,and the steps that led to the truth being discovered,all nicely done i thought,a short verse that actually contains a lot due to the emotional aspect,and ill be honest here,the repeated rhyming of the word you at the start nearly made me think this was going to be mediocre,but it was far from that,i enjoyed this one alot (truth),it was a well written piece... peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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