Open Mic: Internal Damnation

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Goryo. View Drop Down
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    Posted: 02 April 2018 at 4:28pm
Just an insight of how crazy and back-and-forth the mind gets during a depressive period.


It's dark in here, and every part of fear
Rears whenever a spark appears,
My heart is seared,
Dunno what lies beneath the charred veneer,
Scars and tears,
I wish that I could get this fuckin' car in gear
But it was me that parked it here...

Fuck this predictable 'perfect' pattern
The scenic route circling Saturn
The meaningless hurt we gather
We AIN'T always 'learning' after
We ain't always gaining shit
From the pain when it's raining fists
On your brain like it's training
You for the day that you 'made it, kid'
But listen... I think my mind is tricking me, yeah,
An imaginary black dog has bitten me
'Sic em'
He's attacking me, I'm faced with the pain of inaction
So I'm raking impatiently through my brain for distractions
Frantically pacing but I can't gain any traction
We draw what we feel, it's a fatal attraction

Logically I know it's just my mind that is stopping me
Cause it's all about what we see and I know that I've got the key
But sometimes, yeah, it's like I've had a lobotomy
And I'm blind to the light from all this shit that's on top of me
The thought's always creepin' in, futility's killing me
But I'll never let it beat me if I have the ability
Sick of yearning for days, I should be learning to play
This game, and kill the black dog instead of turning away

But when he's burning again, you're fuckin' trying to match him
No emotional attachment to words that you scratched
When you were feeling more active
Like 'as soon as the sadness hits I'll put em to practice
And he should be dispatched'
Shit...

The battle is ever present, your attitude's
The only thing that makes a fucking difference when the black dog is mad at you,
So do what you have to do, as long as you battle through,
Bask in the wins, so the losses won't rattle you,
Don't bottle it up, shit, be pissed at the universe,
Get it out your fucking system if it ever leaves you immersed,
Never make an excuse to bitch and always be like that
Just write a fuckin' verse about it, get up and fight back



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The Rap Daemon View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote The Rap Daemon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 April 2018 at 6:41am
I resonate with this piece a lot being someone who has gone through clinical depression and has always suffered anxieties.

The fast flow I got from this and the unique multi use which was free-form but not out of place strengthened the frantic feel. I liked the natural pacing and the message at the end was insightful, which beyond poetically can be deeply felt.

The second stanza is especially amazing might I add. The first 8 lines are a glaring truth, and the imagery behind the imaginary black dog to pain of inaction is incredible. Fatal attraction line is raw.

This piece as a whole is one great mental broadcast, and the double-perspective is real. No far-fetched stories, just raw imagery from the mind that can hit home with anyone, since they read like collective thoughts and not just your own personal ones, since everyone at some point goes through this same battle for whatever reasons. This is a 5-star, honest raw piece imo.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dntplywelwitothers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 April 2018 at 2:48pm
This is a phenomenal read, all of the elements are on point....
The flow trickles from line to line effortlessly , it's also lyrically
Fitting, nothing seems out of place or unnecessary, your style of rhyming
Compliments the flow...

As far as the verse, it is a topic that has been tackled tyme and again, very relatable, but everyone has a different perspective, and what's so nice about this is the personal prospective you share with the reader. The imagery is vivid, to constant conflict between the protagonist and the antagonist who is ultimately the same person is a description you executed well. As a whole this is ripe piece, but as far as lines, these are a few that sold it....

"The meaningless hurt we gather
We AIN'T always 'learning' after
We ain't always gaining shit
From the pain when it's raining fists"

Truth, mfkrs always talk about "it's a learning experience" Its dope how you completely discredit that cliche ....

"Logically I know it's just my mind that is stopping me
Cause it's all about what we see and I know that I've got the key
But sometimes, yeah, it's like I've had a lobotomy
And I'm blind to the light from all this shit that's on top of me"

Again, that last line sold the whole lot, imagery... ridiculous ...your perspective, relatable. Diggin it.

"The battle is ever present, your attitude's
The only thing that makes a fucking difference when the black dog is mad at you,
So do what you have to do, as long as you battle through,
Bask in the wins, so the losses won't rattle you,"

That's just fucking dope. This is why... A lot of the piece was focused on the villain... but here's the hero speaking through you...here's where the reader sees triumph. Here's where hope finally shows up...not quite the "happily ever after" but definitely "....Gotdamn!!!Rocky is getting back up after that diabolical blow from Apollo." Vibe.
I liked the closer to this also, but that part is what really sealed it.

Great read, enjoyed it.

"My name has the most shout outs in the history of rap...."
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 April 2018 at 6:57pm
this is really good bro! 

"fuck this predictable 'perfect' pattern
The scenic route circling Saturn"

that was dope.

"We draw what we feel, it's a fatal attraction"

another awesome line! 

and i really dug the black dog theme that ran (no pun intended) through the piece. a nice metaphor to go about it. 

the flow was perfect to me. it wasn't super super complex but it was like water as everything vowel and consonant sounds fell right in place. awesome work man!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 April 2018 at 7:10pm
Just fucksin WOW
That was a dope return to the board G
Really enjoyed this observation type piece of work, you smashed it on all levels
The read was fast paced and very engaging
When you said about the car in gear you really captured the futile but all engulfing mindset of this situation
Cool shit main
Welcome back and keep up

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2018 at 3:59pm
Thanks guys. Yeah I was going for that scatterbrained approach lol. Appreciated from all of you though.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2018 at 4:11pm
You come back with a ILL verse. Thats whats up. Much progression since the last time you were on. This had good mechanics and the content was above par. This was an enjoyable read and you had some dope bars.  What i also liked is the multis being scattered a little. I fuck with that myself and some people cant catch the flow.

OVERALL - DROP MORE

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 April 2018 at 3:33pm
Wuddup Gourmet or MayNotBeRid iKid. iKid. lets get it as the cool kids say


It's dark in here, and every part of fear
Rears whenever a spark appears,
My heart is seared,
Dunno what lies beneath the charred veneer,
Scars and tears,
I wish that I could get this fuckin' car in gear
But it was me that parked it here...


this was going apeshit coconuts and alla sudden it was like skiiiirrrrrrrrt. maybe its just my own expectations, but I wasnt really sure how this whole car narrative fits. maybe im just an idiot and this whole piece is because you were late for work on friday. I dunno. ill keep reading but it threw me off.


Fuck this predictable 'perfect' pattern
The scenic route circling Saturn
The meaningless hurt we gather
We AIN'T always 'learning' after
We ain't always gaining shit
From the pain when it's raining fists
On your brain like it's training
You for the day that you 'made it, kid'
But listen... I think my mind is tricking me, yeah,
An imaginary black dog has bitten me
'Sic em'
He's attacking me, I'm faced with the pain of inaction

theres alot of pain in this piece. the wordplacements on that brain to made it kid was real dope. and the ole scally wag british "yeah?" is just prime stuff. this is definitely a different piece. lets proceed.


So I'm raking impatiently through my brain for distractions
Frantically pacing but I can't gain any traction
We draw what we feel, it's a fatal attraction

dope.

Logically I know it's just my mind that is stopping me
Cause it's all about what we see and I know that I've got the key
But sometimes, yeah, it's like I've had a lobotomy
And I'm blind to the light from all this shit that's on top of me

I saw what you did there.


The thought's always creepin' in, futility's killing me
But I'll never let it beat me if I have the ability
Sick of yearning for days, I should be learning to play
This game, and kill the black dog instead of turning away
But when he's burning again, you're fuckin' trying to match him
No emotional attachment to words that you scratched
When you were feeling more active
Like 'as soon as the sadness hits I'll put em to practice
And he should be dispatched'

Shit...


The battle is ever present, your attitude's
The only thing that makes a fucking difference when the black dog is mad at you,
So do what you have to do, as long as you battle through,
Bask in the wins, so the losses won't rattle you,
Don't bottle it up, shit, be pissed at the universe,
Get it out your fucking system if it ever leaves you immersed,
Never make an excuse to bitch and always be like that
Just write a fuckin' verse about it, get up and fight back

this was a cool way to end the shit. I wasnt sure of the direction at first.. and if im being honest.. I felt like this piece started as an open dialogue, then the realness got too real so you dialed it back and went the comedic route to advert attention to your finely tuned mechanics that you are rightfully so proud of. I kinda wished we had gotten a little more of what "sparked" this piece and surely it wasnt a faulty distributor cap. anyway Gorino, I liked the piece, it was definitely different from you so thats a cool aspect. It had a good mix of everything. it had bars, a great scheme and some humor. you took a shitty situation and put some tunnel vision on it. I enjoyed it. would read again.



#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 April 2018 at 3:04pm
Hahaha. The car bit did seem a bit random as a stand-alone metaphor but it was just thrown in there to amplify the 'I'm my own worst enemy' shit. Nothing specific inspired this piece if I'm honest.

Anyway thanks Neek and Dizz.
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