Open Mic: shaking some rust off

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Vellum View Drop Down
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    Posted: 14 June 2018 at 7:27pm
I constantly write rhymes while you just copy and write mines
You act cocky I'm like wise ... you couldn't stop me with 5 guys
watch your head bastard ... I'll have you 'droppin dead' faster
than a "Zombie Who Sky Dives!!"

I'm insane fuck it ... rediscover the demon under neath your covers
ready to run up when you sleeping just to take the breathin' from ya
Bitch I'm back to twist your cap like some peanut butter
Hoes get afraid cuz my 'circle' stays 'rollin with blades' like a pizza cutter!!

You a penis lover, you ain't murdering beats ...
you get ate up and merked when it's beef
word on the streets ... Is I'm the best STRAIGHT UP
.. like I got a gold metal for my vertical leap!!

I'll beat you with one straight line 
when my punches 'connect 4 ya'
... rip your 'lungs out your open chest'
and HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR YA!!
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2018 at 7:33pm
What's good Vellum, I liked the punches and I think mostly because your delivery was pretty polished. It was cocky af and I liked how you combined your lines. The inners were nicely placed and added to the content of the bar. Good stuff there. Wish it closed harder, but welcome back. I hope this site can be revived. 
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Vellum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Vellum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2018 at 7:42pm
me too and thanks it wasn't the best but I desperately wanted to just get something out of the way. feel free to drop a link and I'll return the favor.
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2018 at 8:50pm
Yeah i agree with iLL,this definitely had swagger,and came off statement-ish
also,a nice selfie piece that was quite polished on reading really,i liked it,but
your smilies seemed to be lacking depth to be honest,but on the other side
of the token,they were fresh/original still,i think you'll be up to speed via wri-
ting in quick time judging by this piece,enjoyable..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2018 at 9:02pm
this had some dope parts. The skydiving zombies, the pizza cutter were both original and clever. The closer of hold your breath for you was cool too but maybe not as original. This was a cool little drop over all. Welcome back. I’ll keep my eyes open for future drops from ya.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kona Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 June 2018 at 11:53pm
Hi .. new to this site ... this the first bars iv read..nice bars man some nice punchs n flow gud read!
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Sammy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 June 2018 at 5:20pm
ha this was a good read. the zombie line was ill. the rhyming and flow complemented the punches perfectly. i don't know you but you're clearly not new to this (or the site) so i hope to read more from u man.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 June 2018 at 6:43pm


so, punches were cool, the setups were nice. . some lines here and there felt a bit underwhelming. .. 

could have done without stuff like. . 'You a penis lover, you aint murdering beats'. But anywho, flow was good, all the technical writing aspects was there. . this was a good drop. Especially for just shaking off rust. 


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