Open Mic: shaking some rust off |
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Vellum
Standard Member Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 14 June 2018 at 7:27pm |
I constantly write rhymes while you just copy and write mines You act cocky I'm like wise ... you couldn't stop me with 5 guys watch your head bastard ... I'll have you 'droppin dead' faster than a "Zombie Who Sky Dives!!" I'm insane fuck it ... rediscover the demon under neath your covers ready to run up when you sleeping just to take the breathin' from ya Bitch I'm back to twist your cap like some peanut butter Hoes get afraid cuz my 'circle' stays 'rollin with blades' like a pizza cutter!! You a penis lover, you ain't murdering beats ... you get ate up and merked when it's beef word on the streets ... Is I'm the best STRAIGHT UP .. like I got a gold metal for my vertical leap!! I'll beat you with one straight line when my punches 'connect 4 ya' ... rip your 'lungs out your open chest' and HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR YA!!
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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What's good Vellum, I liked the punches and I think mostly because your delivery was pretty polished. It was cocky af and I liked how you combined your lines. The inners were nicely placed and added to the content of the bar. Good stuff there. Wish it closed harder, but welcome back. I hope this site can be revived.
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Vellum
Standard Member Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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me too and thanks it wasn't the best but I desperately wanted to just get something out of the way. feel free to drop a link and I'll return the favor.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Yeah i agree with iLL,this definitely had swagger,and came off statement-ish
also,a nice selfie piece that was quite polished on reading really,i liked it,but your smilies seemed to be lacking depth to be honest,but on the other side of the token,they were fresh/original still,i think you'll be up to speed via wri- ting in quick time judging by this piece,enjoyable..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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this had some dope parts. The skydiving zombies, the pizza cutter were both original and clever. The closer of hold your breath for you was cool too but maybe not as original. This was a cool little drop over all. Welcome back. I’ll keep my eyes open for future drops from ya.
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Kona
Newbie Joined: 14 June 2018 Location: england Status: Offline Points: 4 |
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Hi .. new to this site ... this the first bars iv read..nice bars man some nice punchs n flow gud read!
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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ha this was a good read. the zombie line was ill. the rhyming and flow complemented the punches perfectly. i don't know you but you're clearly not new to this (or the site) so i hope to read more from u man.
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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so, punches were cool, the setups were nice. . some lines here and there felt a bit underwhelming. .. could have done without stuff like. . 'You a penis lover, you aint murdering beats'. But anywho, flow was good, all the technical writing aspects was there. . this was a good drop. Especially for just shaking off rust. |
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