Audio Mic: Kiss My Ass |
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Vellum 
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Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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 Topic: Kiss My AssPosted: 01 January 2019 at 8:11pm |
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https://www.reverbnation.com/ophwhite/song/3928169-kiss-my-ass
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Vellum
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Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 01 January 2019 at 8:12pm |
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leave feed and drop a link so I can return the feedback. thanks in advance.
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Vellum
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Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 01 January 2019 at 8:15pm |
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https://www.reverbnation.com/ophwhite I don't think the link above is working right so if you can just go to the link above I'm looking for feed back on the song "kiss my ass" and like I said before If you leave feed you can just drop a link and I'd love to return the favor. HAPPY NEW YEARS!
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Vellum
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Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 01 January 2019 at 8:31pm |
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I don't know if you need a feed back link but if so hears mine http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/the-fraternity-conjure_topic46403.html
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Essence1
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Joined: 27 December 2018 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 57 |
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Posted: 01 January 2019 at 10:32pm |
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"I just do it for the kicks like I was working for shoes"
"I got a mechanical mandible it hurts when I chew, you couldn't handle this animal, even if you worked at the zoo, you're not ready to recite mines stop jacking what I do, it could get deadly if you bite mine like apples in Peru" "I'll give you more than what you wish for like a genie granting four" I hope this track doesn't get slept on! Your wordplay in this is phenomenal and your delivery's on point, I like the creative intro, mostly because I just write countless pages and when it comes to hooks I'm pretty weak at it. |
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Vellum
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Joined: 07 October 2013 Location: Connecticut Status: Offline Points: 492 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 24-2-1 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 02 January 2019 at 2:36am |
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I appreciate the feedback foreal. Hopefully I could help your little problem with hooks, One thing you can do is save it for last and just freestyle, sing, skat etc. until you come up with something that somes up the three verses that you have written. Another thing that I often do is not intentionally write the chorus. Like what I mean by that is I basically write stanzas all over the page and sometimes those stanzas will end up being part of a verse but sometimes there's just left over 4 bar stanzas that are still on topic. If you take one of those and repeat it that could become your chorus right there. Just have fun with the way you delivery your hook ... you could rap a few tracks, sing a few tracks maybe even whisper or scream a couple tracks then mix em all together when you're doing your vocal editing.
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DressToKill
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Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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Posted: 02 January 2019 at 4:58pm |
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Yooo Vel,
First off I like that you dont change the complexity of your bars to write audio. I really thought you came correct with the plays the "see clips" was a standout was a stand out for me. Delivery wise you came correct but I'd like to hear a little more pronounciation, also a bit of "de-essing" would help a lot. Overall I thought the track sounded full and you've got the bars covered which is priority number one. Look forward to hearing more |
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The original comeback kid
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Essence1
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Joined: 27 December 2018 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 57 |
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Posted: 02 January 2019 at 5:08pm |
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Word Vel, Thank you for your tips, I'll definitely make a note of it when I get home, I appreciate it, looking forward to hearing more music from you man!
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Loose Logic
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Joined: 03 November 2018 Status: Offline Points: 28 |
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Posted: 02 January 2019 at 5:22pm |
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whaddap oph!
Been a long time, of course i still remember you lol.. Beat is nice.. fun sounding.. flow on point.. schemes are nice... lyrics are nice.. you stay with the punches.. i remember you been with that steeze since way back.. delivery is nice.. quality is nice.. lots of note worthy lines.. i liked that only "time you see clips is when ya mics too loud" i would just clean up your dubs a bit more next time.. sometimes they are not perfectly lined up.. just takes a little bit of extra time on editing but yeah man .. i dig it.. keep crushing it.. glad I found your music again and that you are on a board i stumbled onto lol dope as always.
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