Open Mic: The Human Disease |
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Noumenon
Suspended Joined: 15 September 2019 Status: Offline Points: 101 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
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Posted: 20 September 2019 at 11:12pm |
What disease could be more vile than the one called humanity?
The very word "humane" denotes our hypocrisy and insanity The very concept of compassion we name after ourselves.... the arrogance of it! I simply can't agree humanity's rancid greed contaminates the air, land and sea rampantly, if this is planet petri dish....mans the yeast humanity is the most intelligent species, and the least for every great thing man achieves, a thousand follies man conceives! we're a fallacious band of thieves who kill each other for our damn beliefs so understandably, I think humanity is a damn disease Multilateral raps from multiple geometrical angles multidimensional like counterspace in dielectric cables my lyrics are sharp like razor blades to your wank hole but what they penetrate is your brain when interface is enabled in other words they are nuanced, and yet their quantum entangled my rhymes get straight to the point yet they can be like a maze though meaning they all are connected, but in the form of a strange flow but they all have a purpose, whereas your verses are banal Now let me take you down the rabbit hole most of mankind is irrational the fact that we named this species after sapience is just laughable tyrants are labeled as heroes, heroes are labeled as radicals that's intellect in the minimum and insanity in the maximal most humans can't grasp at all the method through which you discern what is factual you simply discard belief, allow reason and evidence to re-attach your skull what humans need is resources and education, not capital basing our economy on profit makes us less adaptable the elite are all about personal profit, not givin' the people what they askin' fo' nevermind saving this species, only those with enough stacks of gold can access all the biotech or the wireless energy designed by Tesla to crack the mold technology meant to benefit mankind hoarded for military application taken by the state as they take any socialist nation and slap them with sanctions then socialism is blamed when their economies cave in and layman eat up the propaganda like mindless cavemen free press privately stressed by corporations who pay them to engage in the manipulation of public opinion, swayin' you to support illegal invasions it's not their immorality that shocks me but the fact the public obeys them learned helplessness, selfishness and a lack of information contribute to civilizations degradation as mainstream news stations promote normalization while simultaneously inciting trepidation in other words they want you to accept the way shit is yet constantly have someone to hate and point the finger at other than banks, debt and profiteering wank heads exploiting the innovations of great men to obtain unsane ends such as the accumulation of a social construct of human creation the monetary system is unscientific and capitalism has eight legs cause it weaves webs that leave many humans entangled, they stay pegged while the wealth of the wealthy raises and the poor are stuck in a cycle of subjugation in which they sell themselves for wages and the wealth they created is taken |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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I love these social awareness piece's, this was a nice joint here, the tempo
was nice as to the contents, you made the human race feel like a cancer to mother Earth, and i concur we're not to be emulated or viewed highly off, what small minded creatures we are, we'll destroy the planet for paper, of all things paper!, now I know we need as a species to be competitive as it drives innovation, but that innovation should benefit the many rather than the fews pockets, damn this verse has made me go on a rant now....lol, an that's because you made me remove my blinkers again, ripe read...peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Mitch.Wagwaan
Groupie Joined: 21 June 2014 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 380 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-5-1 Form: LNLWWW |
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I liked your opener, it did its job on enticing me into reading the rest of your verse. The only criticism I have is I feel it would flow better if you kept the syllable count.
"What disease could be more vile than the one called humanity? (14) The very word 'humane' denotes our hypocrisy and insanity" (18) The rest of the opening verse was structured sweetly, the multiples flowed without taking anything away from the message you were portraying. I'm guessing you are just showcasing your lyrics, as the second verse had no connection to the first. It was more of a hype piece, The flow was choppy and needed to stick to a smoother structure. The third and fourth verse changed theme again, the concept was good, again it was structured choppy but I could make it flow speeding up and slowing down when I was spitting it. I do feel as if you could help yourself out by keeping tabs on your syllable count, not taking digs just some friendly advice. One other pointer, on two occasions you used the phrase "In other words", I would suggest finding a way of rewording. It undermines your readers ability to understand the previous sentence and also double illiterates yourself. Overall some real nice stuff and I liked your meaningful concepts and could really grasp your feelings on the matters. First time I've read anything from yourself and looking forward to seeing some more. |
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Real Hip Hop
Groupie Joined: 18 March 2014 Location: London Status: Offline Points: 278 |
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"tyrants are labeled as heroes, heroes are labeled as radicals" Dope line and so true. "its not their immorality that shocks me but the fact the public obeys them" This doesn't shock me, i don't blame the people- psychology, propaganda and media manipulation really works, its not conspiracy. Really great read had me hooked throughout, nothing but facts here. I would say i was surprised by George Bush's self awareness to publically say - 'capitalism is not the best system but its the best we've got'. Its not the best we've got but i wouldn't have imagined a hard lined capitalist would acknowledge it is not a great system. Very much broken down here effortlessly. Humanity is a disease and the cure we need? = Unity and Empathy Peace. |
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Jay-Z:
"I just tackle the subject, the flack of the public/ Nothing!I know real N***** just happen to love it" |
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