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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Posted: 27 March 2020 at 6:33pm |
I've been in a hip-hop mood. I was looking through my rhymes to get the wheels turning and found this which I wrote in 2012 and never dropped anywhere lol.
I'm in a hole trapped, and I'm grasping for the top Every time I get a grip the land collapses and I drop Every time I hit the floor it takes me longer to rise Cause taking falls doesn't always make you stronger inside And fuckin' all of this time, my life is passing me by Like I'm down here for years but just a flash in your eyes Fuckin' tired of gripping because this wire keeps tripping you Your confidence dying quick as the fire comes ripping through The sky turning black it's like the Moon is a spotlight Focused on my failures and the shit I ain't got right The creatures of the night begin to circle and eye me I'm jealous of my breath I watch it leave me and rise free Starting to accept the fate of dying a beaten man The Reaper speeding up because he knows there's a meeting planned A consolation is no trouble's getting to follow me I lie my body down and tell the world to swallow me
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well to say this is an old piece from 8yrs ago and still comes off
as fresh, show it has a rimless quality going for it, the opening bar sets the tone up real nice with its (no pun intended) depth literally, and as we know all to well, life isn't great for everybody, the emotion within was cool too, i could feel that trapped vibe that which was the main concept through out, which was displayed rather well i'll add, and it also had a real real Ripe rolling theme that made the piece as a whole come off as quaint and endearing plus fluid, enjoyed this 1 for many reasons, thanks for the read....peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Thanks man, always a pleasure. By 'rolling theme' do you mean the type of flow? I find that if you make the 2nd line of a bar like a continuation of a sentence then it seems to speed up and gel the whole verse a lot more. Word choice for the first words of lines too it's hard to explain but I geek out for shit like that lol.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Yeah flow and the contents/themes progression, you had a main
running theme concept, with little sprinkling of inner concepts that kept it together..i hope that helps with what i mean by a rolling theme. peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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