Open Mic: Outspoken

so im a bit out of my mind, or insane
either way ive lost my damn brain
argue with myself every day
hold myself to a higher standard than y'all, one i can never obtain
its hard being a perfectionist when you can't tell what perfect is
accepted being happy with ordinary accomplishments

(Feeling the self torment/turmoil expressed here, and we've only just got going!, knowing
your limits but striving for more would depress the best of us, especially if we put ourselves
on pedal stools, I like these sort of pieces because of the realism within, not so much a social
Side, but more in one's own mental where this is being played out, and it's a nice breezy start
too, nicely paced)


nothing will ever surmount to it so im stuck feeling worthlessness
every day i accept death as a consequence
if im being honest i cant wait for eternal rest
always thought i was up next but i took a turn for the best
and now i understand that im better off dead
i could write the hardest bars but wouldnt know where to start
guess im a cynic at heart, an artist painting in the dark

(Damn and now the low ebb and spiraling inwards to an implosion in one's mind has taken root,
this character needs an evaluation because there's only one way this can go, and that is death
it's self, it's clear expectations is the enemy here, aswell as burdens, all self inflicted, that what
I'm getting on reading, I'm enjoying the narrative here)


trapped by my own beliefs and perceptions
they will choke and squeeze if you let them
but they settled in many blue moons ago
felt devilish whenever my mental room explode
roped in to another therapy session
wondering if I should be open or use discretion
family don't know my afflictions, dependent on vices
but they weren't why i was so lifeless
felt alive when i was high, irony is priceless
best Buzz when i was about to die, a Lightyear had passed

(He seems to be.going though the motions now, looking for different avenues for an escape via
the drugs, still at least he knows the problem lies with him and not those close to him, I like the
fact you've added the external world here, it gives the despair he's suffering more credibility, it
Just adds a layer for me, nicely done)

time moved faster than i could have fathomed
acid hit harder than i ever could imagine
thought my Dog was a Slinky, genuine madness
what was i thinking? tried doin' backflips
why was i drinking? Magic 8-ball answers
Etch-A-Sketchy powder in my nose
extra messsy dont know if im home
hear a Wheezy voice, "baby can we go?"
Lil' Bo Peep on the girl, aw shit
hold her hair back while she hurl, stupid bitch
and listen i ain't Toyin' around with this Story
speak again I'm gunnin' you down, you fuckin' bore me
go 'head open your mouth, the next one will be gory
no disses I'm knockin' on your door the very next morning

(Now this part here was creative, the Toy Story references was a cool inclusion and added an
extra depth to this verse, especially as anger seems to be the ruling emotion now, I just wish
there was more, whether he manages or doesn't manage to turn himself around, or what route
He took in the end, well I guess that saying leaving em wanting more apllies here)


Yeah an enjoyable read, with plenty of emotion and a cool rolling theme, yes it was simple in
Rhyme structure but that just added to this drop overall, there wasn't a need to be complex or
Incorporate super detail to highten this, this is more of an emotional ride, now i'm not saying
love me love me because im stupid, but how does the title relate to this verse..lol...anyways nice
read..peace.

Gotta echo the sentiments of others here, the piece was partly lacking technically (tho not at all bad) but you did manage to express some legit emotional sense and finely worded descriptions into it. As such it was nice read, with some tuning and refining here and there it will improve even more, so keep at it.