Open Mic: The Goverment has got me F***

Demandin the time, mo money or the hostages are mine
don't short me a dime or i'll send shockwaves through they spine
you can call it a crime to kill kids but i need money for mine
i got pushed to the line, it's not my fault the governments blind
Make sure the doors are locked and barackade all the rest
Block the windows cuz a sniper'll deliver me to last breaths
I'm more focused now as I can hear the shouts from the crowd
I'm prayin aloud just wishin I coulda made my dad proud
You say they innocent, how? Who said that this was allowed?
They got fat and got proud, But now I cant even eat out...
You say life's not fair, I say every last fucker'll pay
You'll head what I say, from this day, shit's goin my way
I see the swat team's array of the bullets they spray
They penatrait the baracade I can see a display
Of red, blue, and white lights that filter through bullet holes
My fist close on a semi grip, hollow tips hit these hoes
I hope that I miss cuz a prison bitch aint what I\m livin with
I'm innocent, in the same way a caged animal is innocent
now I see the error in my ways, but they're yellin "SHOOT!"
Runnin just to see the light of day, sayin "..fuck the loot"
My hands in the air "I SURRENDER! and all the people in there.."
I take a breath and exhale "are fine, they're in the back on the stairs"
They run up..with their guns up.. try to fuck my face up...
And just as I say fuck it and start swinging.... I wake up...

tell me what you think and i will feedback on you guys stuff to

well i like it, u do sound proper American....but well u started rap!
still shockin u a girl....aint got a problem wid that welcome to elite.

how old r ya etc....??

only ting id say really is that the flow loses its context to fit the rhyme scheme a lil, but dont worry im pretty shite at keepin to the story or even tellin a story.