Open Mic: school movie has a rap part that needs some help |
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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Posted: 22 April 2006 at 1:07pm |
there are 2 main characters in this play and they are having a rap battle i wrote the raps but they didnt come out as good as the should so cheak them out and if you can plz see if you can improve them and tell me plz which 1 is better they can only be 8 lines
PS since they are for skool, they cant have any bad laungage or bad things Edited by dollaz - 22 April 2006 at 1:15pm |
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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the first 1 i need help in is
I'm Eddy, and i'll tear you like spagetti messin wit me will get your head heavy my crew is the best around so if you make a bad move we'll take you down but keep ur head up high don't mess wit us you'll have no problem wit the rest of us |
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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here comes the second 1
your dad is asian your mom is cocasion so if you mess wit us, u better not be scared of our hattians representing our nation bringing beef back to this hood even though we should finish you off oh, yeah we already did that enough |
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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Demonic
Superior Member X Fade II Joined: 06 August 2004 Location: Cardiff Status: Offline Points: 3463 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-4-0 Form: LLWLLW |
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Its too basic ... even for skool ... work on the flow ... use some multis too help with that ...d/w bout wordplay because it'll be more than likly that your skool mates wont get it .... so yeah work on the flow by adding some multies
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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what are multies and thanks for the advise
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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Demonic
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"Look, I don’t remember much…but it was June…at the dusk
I was cruising, no rush, when a BOOM hit ma truck " Game^
Its rhymeing words withing the bars aswell as at the end of the line...as you can see from that....There are alot more ppl on this bored that can explain better but im here atm so there ya go ...
Also if you need further help i suggest you read some of the tuts we have ...
Eg: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4590 or: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7291 |
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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thanks thats real good but which 1 u think was better the first or second
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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Demonic
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well to put it blunt the both shit atm ... i think you should re-do them... Make the lines a little longer ... an do what i said by adding multis to build up the flow....
if you really wan me to choose then it'll prolly be the first ... second one is shit |
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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thanks man ill redo both
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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-Orion-
Veteran Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
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Actually, the multi there isn't just the parts Demonic put in bold... June at the dusk, cruisin' no rush, boom hit ma truck
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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Mackie
Standard Member Joined: 20 August 2005 Location: MK Status: Offline Points: 1504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 45-38-4 Form: LLWLNW |
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read the tuts n make sure u cover all the bases.. follow it step by step.. make sure u try everything in there.. then sooner or later u won need em...
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dollaz
Standard Member Joined: 23 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 399 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-1 Form: WLLN |
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trhanks man
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PIMP MASTA DOLLAZ
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