Open Mic: free verse for Q-tip - ride instrumental
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Zachary View Drop Down
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    Posted: 06 March 2015 at 6:47am
feel the funky radiance,inside of my radius 
flavor filled lines that relay their own gradient 
salient poetics, with abstraction spontaneous
zachs the young mcee that defines what zany is 
gun toting rappers play Cheney, made to miss 
captain of the crew, except that the sales ripped 
broken rudder flow on the beat when they stutter 
no direction in this art like baking cakes without butter  
im not saying don't experiment, open the cupboard 
mix new ingredients together from the hood to suburbs
just relax your mind and body, bounce to the beat
as a kid I would record myself under bed sheets
know im trying to get time booked in studio suites 
so i can leave large impressions like big foots feet 
i get bugged without my man "malik the five foot freak"
hand the industry a "Q-tip", just listen violence is weak 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDb_6JXtMnk
In this dense urban jungle of great disorder/
Cd players, turntables and tape recorders/
Become the tools that I use to erase the borders/
Between me and this secret ancient order/-Last Emperor
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Smoothtung View Drop Down
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Form: WWWLWN 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Smoothtung Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 March 2015 at 6:57am
first ive ever read from you and i was quite pleased with this. Its got an efficient simplicity to it that allows for a buttery flow and precise punch lines. nice.
Imagery so vividly intrinsic you might miss it..
Though you never even had the chance to witness it
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E.V.P. View Drop Down
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Form: WWLLWL 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote E.V.P. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2015 at 1:53pm
I liked how you started this verse, the first two lines had me imagining a paladin reppin an aura on Diablo.. Unfortunately the following lines didn't really pack as much punch, I feel as though had you taken the time to progress from the intro that you could've had a decent verse here but I understand you were going for a certain flow and it's not always easy to stay to structure while maintaing the heat.. This was really short as well, would like to see more in future OMs.

Decent overall, keep writing.
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Form: LWWLWW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2015 at 2:03pm
You're very hip-hop. Its a trend for the 2 pieces I've read from you. I dig that. I felt that this was a slight drop off but thats fine we all are here to grow as writers. You started off pretty decent in this joint though. Didn't like the zany line/sales ripped line either. The butter line was a good creative take. I think you needed some funk in the multis though, something a little more than what you gave us. I liked the feel of the beat too. Just gotta getta lil more, you in this.
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Titu View Drop Down
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Form: WWWWWW 		Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2015 at 9:40pm
this was good. I liked the flow on this shit..seeing your multis, it looked like you are not new to this shit. Well done, im impressed.
As for the constrictive critisizm,  i would really like to see you up ya game by incorporating transitions. Itll help ya verse come off more smooth.
Good shit


Edited by Titu - 11 March 2015 at 9:56pm
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
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