Open Mic: Freestyle #19 - Ascended Bastard |
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 17 May 2020 at 8:33pm |
a defiant punk solely seeking guidance from violent bums now my eyelids close my mind is one with the silent hum by my mcintosh, absinthe and applesauce back and forth jackin off to kalashnikovs due to lack of love at the source rather let my pen be blasting, find targets then advance in taking out all competitors one at a time like a zen assassin repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma aint no spirits coming here, see your girl then summon her ask the bitch - miss, are you bothered by this commoner? to peep your battle-raps I'd need a bottle of adderall caps as a matter of fact, I rather attack and shatter your back call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign making it all clearer, aint no testing this killer wrecking down pillars you refuse to see the light like triggered whiggers checkin out mirrors an act of love, as its such bestowed - as above, not so much so below |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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I dug the Buddhas gangsign lol. last four of the first stanza felt a tad... yolo in presentation lol.
overall, im wondering where the fuck the other 18 went?! welcome back Con. |
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#Bananas
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Beans
Superior Member Joined: 12 October 2013 Location: MA Status: Offline Points: 6718 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 95-24-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Nice
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1-2 Season 1 Final Champ
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Well look at you!, flexing your pecs and all, this was really really nice, is it a sort of
warm up to Beans up and coming battle event?, I loved the mature vibe you ran with here, kind of made this come off as a statement of sorts, like who got the gumption to step in this direction, like your drawing a line on the floor and challenging ppl to dare cross it, i also liked the rhyme scheme it was fluid and concise, good to read your back around Concrete i always liked the battle stance you bring within all your drops, you wasn't the undefeated champion for nothing, (a title he ended up giving away let me add), and here a titbit for you, i've always tried to (in a fashion) model my verses on your style when battling true talk, not as effective as you though, but i try, really enjoyed this blunt essence of a piece here, solid read brother man solid read....peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Thanks for comments players. Crim thats flattering to hear, 'blunt essence' pretty much sums up what I aim to write.
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Drunk mama- blunt trauma bar was super hard.
Need more of that The wigger bar was insidious Good shit. |
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Mitch.Wagwaan
Groupie Joined: 21 June 2014 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 380 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-5-1 Form: LNLWWW |
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Fire shit. Multies popping off. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Thought I would atleast bring some critique to the table though.
Jackin off to Kalashnikovs due to lack of love at the source. I personally feel the ‘The’ before source isn’t needed and took the bouncy glow away whilst I was spitting. Buddha & Wigger best bars but the flow on this was the highlight for me. |
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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this isnt particulary feedback but im always impressed whenever people write the same line lengths consistently and still make the verse fire
just a dope verse with a bunch of quotables...i fw it heavy
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Schematic
Groupie Joined: 08 November 2014 Status: Offline Points: 130 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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SuperAce
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http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/rapper-t-vs-schematic-horrorcore-02_topic45919.html
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Aight final bump for this, thanks again for the lovely comments people.
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Alien365
Newbie Joined: 31 December 2020 Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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This was pretty good. I see some wordplay, multies and metaphors which is good content. The execution of this piece is dope, good flow for a text piece. Bars are well thought out and clever to an impressive extent. Got nothing to criticize, well rounded piece with a spark here or there
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