Open Mic: fuck it

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Lil.Smokey View Drop Down
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Joined: 14 August 2019
Location: Houston Texas
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    Posted: 14 August 2019 at 5:05am
u bitches get harrassed with lyrics
my flow sickest I'm wicked
skill sharp when I spit I scar these mimics
slice your feet fucker how we gone kick it
kids with loose lips
get dismantle real quick
cause we don't give a fuck that's real shit
no contest fact is your post is nonsense
I'm always on go attack fuck is a defense
u guys pussy's and I'm dissecting cats
FLIP EM PUT HIS ASS IN A BODY BAG
burn em like gay boys playing gay toys
fuck it let's record em sell em to playboy
I'm kicking ya'll phrase void
chop your body no case boy case close
u gay boy got u screaming in gasps
air u tryna grasp this an outer space rap
no weapon I kill u with quick rapid attacks
torture you you'll prolly think u in iraq
fake geez hate me
cause they lyrics for facts don't face me
might fuck around and offend you
I'll murk you your pad and your pen too
your friend too fuck it I'll even do the pencil
name place time on any site on any venue
a nigga starving so I'll eat u up like a menu
fuck your flows, and writtens
no bark all bite all u do Is miow kitten
you'll get your top flamed like lit matches
catch your lyrical bullet still no scratches
YOU CATCH MINES TURN INTO ASHES
All I post is classics no pepsi straight coke

give me.some feed back
lil smokey in the house lol
Fuck life
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 August 2019 at 11:33am
This came off as a selfhype/freestyle-ish sort a verse for me, the highlight here (and this is just my opinion)
was the quick fire rhyme scheme you had cracking, your flow for the most part was decent, and other times
shaky, this is because you use this near word rhyme scheme, (ie..boy/void,raps/attacks), be mindful when
using this method, as it really relies on the reader pronouncements/accents to work efficiently, overall this
felt flat, your similies didn't help the verse out to much, they lacked a creative edge to them, some inner
rhymes/multis either syllable or word would lift this piece up 10 fold, with that typed all in all a decent first
drop here at LA...peace

Edited by Crimson Juice - 14 August 2019 at 11:47am
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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D.Von Doom View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote D.Von Doom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 August 2019 at 10:24pm
Your writing reminds of lil Wayne's 1 liners he specializes in. Had some solid jabs here and there.... The multi's are there but could be placed better. I think if you reduce the amount of words that serve no purpose you would level up quicker. Also I'd like to see deeper concepts in your bars. We gloss over light shit over here. Overall, an okay piece. I see the potential though. Keep dropping!
I can only fall off in space...
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AshleyKaos View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote AshleyKaos Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 August 2019 at 3:05pm
This was ok. Would be way sicker if it were on a beat and was an audio. I feel like dropped as a written it was to simple regarding like lyrical content and complexity/ structure ect. to be make an impact where it should be to make for an awesome read. Im not downing it cause you got good rhyme scheme some sick shit but without the vocals and without a style and beat behind it to make emphasis the potential, it came of a little generic but was not bad at all ! 
NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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