Open Mic: fuck it |
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Lil.Smokey
Newbie Joined: 14 August 2019 Location: Houston Texas Status: Offline Points: 2 |
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Posted: 14 August 2019 at 5:05am |
u bitches get harrassed with lyrics
my flow sickest I'm wicked skill sharp when I spit I scar these mimics slice your feet fucker how we gone kick it kids with loose lips get dismantle real quick cause we don't give a fuck that's real shit no contest fact is your post is nonsense I'm always on go attack fuck is a defense u guys pussy's and I'm dissecting cats FLIP EM PUT HIS ASS IN A BODY BAG burn em like gay boys playing gay toys fuck it let's record em sell em to playboy I'm kicking ya'll phrase void chop your body no case boy case close u gay boy got u screaming in gasps air u tryna grasp this an outer space rap no weapon I kill u with quick rapid attacks torture you you'll prolly think u in iraq fake geez hate me cause they lyrics for facts don't face me might fuck around and offend you I'll murk you your pad and your pen too your friend too fuck it I'll even do the pencil name place time on any site on any venue a nigga starving so I'll eat u up like a menu fuck your flows, and writtens no bark all bite all u do Is miow kitten you'll get your top flamed like lit matches catch your lyrical bullet still no scratches YOU CATCH MINES TURN INTO ASHES All I post is classics no pepsi straight coke give me.some feed back lil smokey in the house lol |
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Fuck life
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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This came off as a selfhype/freestyle-ish sort a verse for me, the highlight here (and this is just my opinion)
was the quick fire rhyme scheme you had cracking, your flow for the most part was decent, and other times shaky, this is because you use this near word rhyme scheme, (ie..boy/void,raps/attacks), be mindful when using this method, as it really relies on the reader pronouncements/accents to work efficiently, overall this felt flat, your similies didn't help the verse out to much, they lacked a creative edge to them, some inner rhymes/multis either syllable or word would lift this piece up 10 fold, with that typed all in all a decent first drop here at LA...peace Edited by Crimson Juice - 14 August 2019 at 11:47am |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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D.Von Doom
Standard Member Joined: 18 June 2014 Status: Offline Points: 1534 Audio Rank: #1 Stats: 15-4-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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Your writing reminds of lil Wayne's 1 liners he specializes in. Had some solid jabs here and there.... The multi's are there but could be placed better. I think if you reduce the amount of words that serve no purpose you would level up quicker. Also I'd like to see deeper concepts in your bars. We gloss over light shit over here. Overall, an okay piece. I see the potential though. Keep dropping!
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I can only fall off in space...
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AshleyKaos
Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2511 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ |
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This was ok. Would be way sicker if it were on a beat and was an audio. I feel like dropped as a written it was to simple regarding like lyrical content and complexity/ structure ect. to be make an impact where it should be to make for an awesome read. Im not downing it cause you got good rhyme scheme some sick shit but without the vocals and without a style and beat behind it to make emphasis the potential, it came of a little generic but was not bad at all !
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NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME
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