Spit for Rank: ~In a Childs Eyes~ for Rank |
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-Street-
Groupie Joined: 25 April 2008 Status: Offline Points: 60 |
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Posted: 03 May 2008 at 12:42am |
i already posted this in openmic...but i thought i'd get a rank on it aswell...
Topic - Cancer
Title - In A Childs Eyes "In A Childs Eyes" a new child-with-dreams...so much passion-for-life....
noth'n to defile-her-needs...she didn't ask-for-this-fight..... believe's her vitals-are-clean...to young for grasp'n-advice... piles of viles-she-bleeds...yet still laugh'n-at-night.... shes not understand'n-tha-truth...she doesn't know-of-beliefs... thats because she's expand'n-her-youth....and she's grow'n-with-peace... she's not a man-in-a-suit...she's a child exposed-ta-disease... now even granted-it's-true...parents clothes soaked-ta-thier-knees.... her diagnosis-was-cancer...thought she came-here-ta-draw.... so she focused-on-prancer...her favorite raindeer-of-all.... skin soft-with-her-beauty...inside eating-disray.... cancer sought-n-consumeing....organs seeping-away... skin now disolv'n-n-bruiseing....her minds completely-erased.... insomnia caus'n-illutions...ain't been sleeping-in-days.... yet she managed-ta-listen...to all the doctors-excuse.... feels strand'n-n-miss'n...cause noone offers-tha-truth.... waits for Santa-ta-visit...so young she's name'n-him-Clause... he can start grant'n-her-wishes....she wish's the pain-would-disolve.... drunk father stands-in-her-vision....so he could claim-he's-involved... looks around hope'n-he'd-part..says tha pains takeing-a-fall... yet she knows-in-her-heart.....pain won't subside..maybe-at-all... reality's grow'n-apart....single tear dropped-from-her-eye... she came..opened-her-heart....now she's lost-as-ta-why... her heart spoke'n-with-art....seems it's crossed-inta-lies... young yet her intelegence-is-great...never invested-in-greed... feels that heaven-scenced-her-faith..tha pictures a message-indeed... she died-two-days-later.....now the infections-deceased... as a writer i lay this written peice on her grave..you did great child keep rest'n-in-peace!!!! |
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Fatal
Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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This was pretty cool. I havnt read too much of your verses so i wasnt sure what to expect. You have a good grasp on flow and multies but some were forced...
Rank: Ama
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