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    Posted: 26 May 2008 at 1:21am

Old topical but my best/favorite

 
In loving memory of my close freind rob who died in a fatal car crash (1989~2008)
 
I stand motionless at his grave relapsing about past memories...
but i get a migrane how we constantly thrive to make fast enemies...
the anguish in my heart is nastier than moms homade remedies...
now that hes erased from this earth its not how it used~to~be...
we always dismantled everything in our path like Bruce~Lee...
I collapse to the ground and attach to his diminished ligaments...
I dispatch from the grave and criedabout my finished ignorance...
i suck up my tears facing the fact no ones gonna remember rob...
we were freinds for life like i was the blind man and he was the dog...
i refrain about the accident like it was a book for everyone to see...
still blamed him who ripped the i got enraged and punched the tree...
i broke my hand screamed out *fuck him! he should burn~in~hell!"...
i got dizzy from my outburst my eyes rolled back i turned~in~fell...
i elavated up and saw this ghost he began to turn on his transmission...
ponderd what it was i began i powerwalk to him without permission...
looks like i dident have admission he disappeard like a magician...
i woke up loom next to he grave seeing i woke up under a full moon...
stars looked more gloom than my girls eyes getting late its time to zoom...
i rose up like a zombie ready to say my last goodbyes to my a.b goon...
he would say "sweep em off there feet" ill say "i will like im a broom"...
the wind sang melancholy as i had my prayer i constantly say...
looked up in the sky threw up my a.b sign and kissed his grave...
i dropped my rose it turned black and i thought remorsefully in my head...
"the king has arrived and will never die" he just had to go to bed...

that quote at the end is really special to me because thats one of his quotes he would always say

feedback thanks

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bad karma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 June 2008 at 4:37pm
thats pretty kool man n coz its deep it makes it all the more better. N thats shit he died so young too man it musta been bad, i jus lost a friend n cum close to tha same ma self so that shit seems real real.
respect....
stuck here wit a damaged back,
how tha fuck i manage that?
its savage that woz a hit n run,
this shit aint fun almost chipped me bum :(
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 June 2008 at 7:49pm
Flow was cool...syllables were often mismatched. Grammer problems as well (a line here or there which was incoherent).

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote G-Pfeif Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 June 2008 at 5:27pm
you know what you are doin... for that you get ama...
 
you have multies... some of you lines are a little stretched tho... and your opening 3... you only have 3 bars that rhyme... having an odd number of rhyming bars can throw off the flow... try using even numbers...
 
content was decent...  keep doin ur thing and work on what i told ya
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