Open Mic: - A Tale of Two Doll Makers -

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J504 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 14 January 2012 at 7:10am
 
 
The great lands were divided into a north and a south
Most people were poor with only a horse and a house
In each land lived a great dollmaker and both were adored
with a devotion to art even more sharp than a sword
Astan from the south faced such beautiful creatures
His paintbrush was fine, he gave such a gift to their features
Halpa from the north placed warm heart to his works
and he gave them for free with no fee for their worth
This displeased Astan, of course his prices were steep
and he much preferred the higher classes he'd keep
but he still wanted more, to see Halpa's defeat
He wanted both lands to stand within his reach
Astan had a plan, pretending to be but a peasant
he'd visit the north to establish his presence
He stood in Halpa's shop hid in a cloak of cheap fabric
he studied each doll and how the people reacted
There was one lonely doll, sat alone on a shelf
With no hair and no smile as it kept to its self
Astan thought "Oh look! how this one's neglected!"
"I can capitalize now without being detected"
So Astan nabbed the doll and his plan was in motion
he'd make sure this work received his greatest devotion
Replaced the dolls wooden teeth with fine polished quartz
with a more muscular frame for some added support
Turned the frown to a smile with a hint-a-cocky smirk
instilled a deep sense of pride, he don't do shotty work!
"Body work's done, but now one more tiny thing.."
To each arm and each leg, he attached shiny string
Astan returned North and called out to the town
"Lend me your ears, citzens! come to me, gather round!"
"Halpa's no artist! Don't believe in his lies!"
"I've taken his great works and given them life"
with that, he pulled strings and the doll stood right up
and the people would gasp and then their eyes would light up
"It's amazing! he's a genius!" several townspeople shouted
"It...can't be real" exclaimed a man, struggling to doubt it
"And now... who wants to know the meager price for such talent???"
Said Astan with a shout as if any price would seem valid
Just then the doll hit the ground, his quartz teeth cleanly shattered
beside Halpa with his scissors and some strings keenly tattered
"All my works are unique and dear to me, I've shown you lack clout"
"So now be gone from here Astan, I'm casting you out"
As Astan ran off, Halpa turned to his people-
"The most beautiful things can be ruined by evil"
"You see, you fall victim to it whenever you feel you're outmatched"
"When vanity comes with a price, you'll find strings are attached"
 
 

 
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Steven T. Guidry View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Steven T. Guidry Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2012 at 2:31pm
yes.  you are doing it right!

"You see, you fall victim to it whenever you feel you're outmatched"
"When vanity comes with a price, you'll find strings are attached"
 


I loved that! 
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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2012 at 9:39pm
Back on that semi genius shit again J5
This was a real good read
Perfectly brought to life
Astan/Halpa did you make this all up
Or does it have foundation?
Either way it was sound
And the closer wa cleverness fa sure

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Que- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2012 at 1:44am
Thats what I be talkin bout.....the ideas just come in abundance....concepts are alway fresh and the finished product is always indepth making a great read.

Toast to you J5....Hot drop!

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2012 at 7:29pm
It's like some kind of Immortal Technique type story but with a old school philosopher/fable twist. Really rather excellent, nice work.
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J504 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 January 2012 at 12:50am
Thanks for the feed on this, gentlemen.
 
Hey spume, if it helps - the main characters, the dolls and places are metaphors and the names themselves are anagrams. lol
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CHAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 January 2012 at 2:35pm
reading shit like this makes me feel totally outclassed, i just know i cant do it at this level
 
this is art
 
felt like i was reading a children's book, but in a good way
 
10/10
+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 March 2012 at 2:28am
Much respect on that feed, fam.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sick-Witted Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 March 2012 at 5:13am

this was pretty dope man...I feel you CHAIN, it had that child's book swag, but in a very cool way...

Sick-Witted->means

I'm clever an ill & my best is revealed when

Da pressure is buildin, so step if ya willin

But testin da realest

Will only lead u down a lonely street 2 ya death cuz I kill it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 March 2012 at 7:07pm
Word Sick, respects fam.
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