Open Mic: - A Tale of Two Doll Makers - |
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J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 14 January 2012 at 7:10am |
The great lands were divided into a north and a south
Most people were poor with only a horse and a house In each land lived a great dollmaker and both were adored with a devotion to art even more sharp than a sword Astan from the south faced such beautiful creatures His paintbrush was fine, he gave such a gift to their features Halpa from the north placed warm heart to his works and he gave them for free with no fee for their worth This displeased Astan, of course his prices were steep and he much preferred the higher classes he'd keep but he still wanted more, to see Halpa's defeat He wanted both lands to stand within his reach Astan had a plan, pretending to be but a peasant he'd visit the north to establish his presence He stood in Halpa's shop hid in a cloak of cheap fabric he studied each doll and how the people reacted There was one lonely doll, sat alone on a shelf With no hair and no smile as it kept to its self Astan thought "Oh look! how this one's neglected!" "I can capitalize now without being detected" So Astan nabbed the doll and his plan was in motion he'd make sure this work received his greatest devotion Replaced the dolls wooden teeth with fine polished quartz with a more muscular frame for some added support Turned the frown to a smile with a hint-a-cocky smirk instilled a deep sense of pride, he don't do shotty work! "Body work's done, but now one more tiny thing.." To each arm and each leg, he attached shiny string Astan returned North and called out to the town "Lend me your ears, citzens! come to me, gather round!" "Halpa's no artist! Don't believe in his lies!" "I've taken his great works and given them life" with that, he pulled strings and the doll stood right up and the people would gasp and then their eyes would light up "It's amazing! he's a genius!" several townspeople shouted "It...can't be real" exclaimed a man, struggling to doubt it "And now... who wants to know the meager price for such talent???" Said Astan with a shout as if any price would seem valid Just then the doll hit the ground, his quartz teeth cleanly shattered beside Halpa with his scissors and some strings keenly tattered "All my works are unique and dear to me, I've shown you lack clout" "So now be gone from here Astan, I'm casting you out" As Astan ran off, Halpa turned to his people- "The most beautiful things can be ruined by evil" "You see, you fall victim to it whenever you feel you're outmatched" "When vanity comes with a price, you'll find strings are attached" |
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Steven T. Guidry
Banned Joined: 14 November 2011 Status: Offline Points: 164 |
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yes. you are doing it right!
"You see, you fall victim to it whenever you feel you're outmatched" "When vanity comes with a price, you'll find strings are attached" I loved that!
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NLIE's new recruit
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Back on that semi genius shit again J5
This was a real good read Perfectly brought to life Astan/Halpa did you make this all up Or does it have foundation? Either way it was sound And the closer wa cleverness fa sure |
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-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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Thats what I be talkin bout.....the ideas just come in abundance....concepts are alway fresh and the finished product is always indepth making a great read.
Toast to you J5....Hot drop! |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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It's like some kind of Immortal Technique type story but with a old school philosopher/fable twist. Really rather excellent, nice work.
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J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Thanks for the feed on this, gentlemen.
Hey spume, if it helps - the main characters, the dolls and places are metaphors and the names themselves are anagrams. lol
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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reading shit like this makes me feel totally outclassed, i just know i cant do it at this level
this is art
felt like i was reading a children's book, but in a good way
10/10
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J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Much respect on that feed, fam.
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Sick-Witted
Veteran Joined: 07 September 2008 Location: The USA Status: Offline Points: 601 Text Rank: #11 Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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this was pretty dope man...I feel you CHAIN, it had that child's book swag, but in a very cool way... |
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Sick-Witted->means
I'm clever an ill & my best is revealed when Da pressure is buildin, so step if ya willin But testin da realest Will only lead u down a lonely street 2 ya death cuz I kill it |
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J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Word Sick, respects fam.
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