Elevation Centre: Feedback I've given that applies to everyone

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   This is a thread where I'm going to post bits of feedback I've given that would also benefit most of you.

"Great Britain" by Lynchology420 - http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/great-britain_topic36074.html#378896

Content was on point here but the way you presented it needs to be refined and in a much stricter way. Restricting yourself and working within the confines is what writing is all about. I'd recommend writing a verse but ONLY using a certain amount of syllables in each line. Then you'll have to adjust and reword your lines to add/remove syllables. In those situations you could have to add a word or two, and I would strongly recommend using these extra syllables to enhance your flow. I'll take your first bar and try and give you an example.
Before
Foundation of Britain's built on greed & desire, 
Take it back to 1666 consume it in fire

After
Foundation of Britain is built on greed & desire, 
Back in 1666 they'd be asleep in the fire

The process of balancing syllables and the changes you make can dramatically enhance your flow. It gives you an excuse to take a 'finished product' and switch words around, which I'd definitely recommend doing a lot of before you consider yourself finished with a piece. Any line can be made better by rewording it. What seperates the different calibers writers is his/her general expectations of a line and how long they will continue to modify them until they give up and call it complete. That's what I meant earlier saying to be more strict with what you allow. That turned into a rant, hope you can take something from it. Lates

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Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Feedback I've given that applies to everyone Posted: 25 October 2014 at 6:49pm
	This is a thread where I'm going to post bits of feedback I've given that would also benefit most of you. "Great Britain" by Lynchology420 - http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/great-britain_topic36074.html#378896 Content was on point here but the way you presented it needs to be refined and in a much stricter way. Restricting yourself and working within the confines is what writing is all about. I'd recommend writing a verse but ONLY using a certain amount of syllables in each line. Then you'll have to adjust and reword your lines to add/remove syllables. In those situations you could have to add a word or two, and I would strongly recommend using these extra syllables to enhance your flow. I'll take your first bar and try and give you an example. Before Foundation of Britain's built on greed & desire, Take it back to 1666 consume it in fire After Foundation of Britain is built on greed & desire, Back in 1666 they'd be asleep in the fire The process of balancing syllables and the changes you make can dramatically enhance your flow. It gives you an excuse to take a 'finished product' and switch words around, which I'd definitely recommend doing a lot of before you consider yourself finished with a piece. Any line can be made better by rewording it. What seperates the different calibers writers is his/her general expectations of a line and how long they will continue to modify them until they give up and call it complete. That's what I meant earlier saying to be more strict with what you allow. That turned into a rant, hope you can take something from it. Lates


daydizzle89 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote daydizzle89 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 October 2014 at 7:03pm
	Nice drop Nigz. Definitely will be taking this into consideration

Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 March 2015 at 12:48am
	"Ether" by Smoothung - http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/ether_topic38980.html The only other piece of advice that I can think of for you as a writer... You have a couple different styles that you do really well. This perfect syllable matching which rhymes all the words line to line is definitely one of your best but there are others you do really well too. I'd like to see you to make a conscious effort to blend those styles together. For instance, be writing a scheme with more freedom and then gradually change the scheme to a bar or two of this style. "I’ve never tried to sever ties with letters but the pleasure died, and pressure forges treasures but this pressure more than weathered mine. I wished to board a charter toward the blessed but the devil told to wish to board a charter ‘for this wreckage mends a rebels soul."


Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 June 2016 at 3:47am
	"Thoughts of Change" by Exoduzt - http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/thoughts-of-change_topic42975.html#437949 The #1 rule that everyone would benefit from learning from is that by nature, 4 is the number of music. Write in 4's (or at least 2's!) and have 4 syllables stresses in every line. That is how people flow to a beat for audio, it's why 16 bars's (4 times 4!) is standard, and why all music since the tribal era revolves around a 4 beat base.