Identity crisis: IC Round 1: Battler 3 vs Battler 14

Battler 3- You had the hardest job to write for, imo. Cos people will drop Opens constantly about clubs, bars, getting fucked up, pouring drinks, checking out chicks, etc. However you made up for this disadvantage by dropping some quality bars (more V's that rugby players had me dead), and you also took it a different direction, and tied it all up with a clever bar at the end.

3 (Hustle like Russell!!) - decent verse...I like how you broke it up into sections to try & vary your story. I liked your rhyme scheme heavy approach but felt it could've been a lot smoother/subtle. Again (seen it a few battle this round) felt like your rhyming was overshadowing the verse. For me, rhyming should be secondary to progressing and telling a captivating story & I felt like that side of the verse suffered. The story in itself wasn't great, I didn't really buy into it fully if I'm honest & it felt very loosely associated to the topic. You take out the first & last two lines and I don't think any of that is directly tied to the topic at all...and even then I think the idea is a bit tenuous.

For me that's where your verse suffered, I would've liked to seen you push the boundary a bit more with the career and shape your verse more around that. It felt like that was the part of the verse that was the most lacking & for me it's the most important.

14 - Kind of the opposite approach to 3, I think you focused first and foremost on the story...you progressed the narrative well but it felt a bit flat. I think both in the way it read (for me it was a bit more like smooth prose than a sharp rap verse) but also in terms of the character development...you didn't really create much emotion and bring it to life. You want to try and make your characters feel alive, create an emotional connection so the reader cares about the story they're being told & the people within it. You didn't really have that tension, if I was being harsh it was kind of like a dressed up version of "I walked down the street and then I went into the newsagents to get a paper. Then I went and caught the train to work. I read the sports section on the way there, there was an interesting feature about Lance Armstrong."...you're like, yeah, but so what? Why do I give a shit? That said, I did like how you were very descriptive in the way you wrote it, very clear narrative and I did enjoy it...just thought you needed to push yourself a bit more & try and write it how you'd rap it rather than how you'd read it.

Clearly some work to do, but you have a decent understanding of some of the fundamentals and I liked that you first and foremost told a story.

Overall, it's a tough one to vote...I don't think either of you really blew me away with a great concept. I think 14 had a better story, I think 3 had better rhyme approach but could arguably say was equally as lacking in creating a captivating voice for his character (I.e. By time he got to the end I wasn't really bothered what was going to happen to him). So I think on that basis 14 just about scrapes it...I think he did just about a better job of telling a story and therefore gets my vote. It could go either way though.

Vote = 14

bartender

Interesting very very interesting.....You opened up very smoothly as far as the flow. The opening bars drew me in and I was anticipating where you were going to take this story. In the beginning he sounds like a party guy then at that pause it seemed like reality him and you went in depth with how he really feels on the inside which I thought u did very well.


I've Undergone the evil bursting of hundreds of thunderstorms,

My blunders worsened till they stomped and crumbled my mother's warmth,

No wonder why my vision lacked precision and was stumbled on,
Im that bug or moth that has never hovered out of the fungal swamp,
Im that busted con.. But my daughter needs to be cuddled and farmed,
Do something good? This the only job who accepts tattoed knuckes and arms,

This part was dope as fuck and then the transition in the next multis read awkward to me and it stopped me cold while I was reading through the first time. Although it did still help push the story along with the hunger pains and how he is family man despite the partying. The next set of bars were nice; a little self reflection of the character, further telling me how behind the partying he isnt a happy person. It closed on a pretty high note for me; but my ONLY gripe about it is that It seemed to have just came out of nowhere. When did he do it? there was a gap between when he did it to when he got back home I would have liked to at least see one bar kinda hinting that something had happened. Good irony at the close, overall a very good verse just a few small things I noticed but dopeness none the less.

Programmer

Very neatly structured verse; with an almost effortless flow throughout. The story you described was pretty cool imo, kind of a timeline from how he wanted to make something out of everything he had learned. To finally creating his software, or program (wasnt entirely sure on what exactly he created) to getting attention from women and eventually selling his product. The verse was consistent throughout no problems there. My only gripe with this verse is it came off as somewhat bland imo (i hate to use that word because it was a great verse) but there was just nothing that really wowed me even though everything was done very well. If i look at it from your point of view, ok programmer isnt exactly the most exciting story you can write a topical about and I am taking that into account also. The closer kinda left me a bit disappointed as well; Idk if it's me being greedy but I was just wanting more at the end.

Boy this one is tough. Alright, both verses were dope, both verses had there high points, and both verses had a few low points. As far as overall entertainment value, I'd give that to bar tender. His verse was not written as smoothly and as consistent as the programmer, but the bartender had a few parts in his verse where he was rhyming his ass off. With that being said, bartender gets my vote, I was more entertained reading his verse but both emcees did their thing. Great battle both

5-2