Elevation Centre: Elevation Help Center

Edited by The Law - 07 February 2015 at 1:06pm

Two issues...1) specificity / tenacity of the diss...ignoring the play, how hard does "when I say Empire falls" feel? You could've been more aggressive and potentially had a better setup line (as it talked about him as an individual rather than his crew)...I think if you'd tweaked the setup and been a bit more aggressive in your wording it would "feel" harder

2) Crispness of the punch itself...you want to get from the diss in as few syllables as possible otherwise, again, it can feel like the punch is a little weaker than it needs to be...to me you could've transitioned across slicker. And you also suffer a little bit from the vagueness of the punch...I get what you're going for, it's meant to be like dismissive type punch, but you really need your flow to be razor to accentuate it otherwise it can be a bit lacklustre.

You maybe could've considered flipping it around and have the punch as "see Empire Fall" as that naturally leaves the attention on the play which is the strongest aspect. I.e. "the Pulitzer prize ain't the only time you'll see Empire Fall" or whatever.

That's a very audio based question, what you'll probably find is if you go for that approach verbally you'll give yourself an additional road block because you need to have the technical skill (I mean physically) to be able to pull that off...as a beginner you'll need to learn breath control & that style of rap requires you to master it. For me, it's a very physical thing so not something you're going to learn on a board where you're going to get tips mainly on writing technique...

From a writing point of view it's not really any different, per say, if you were to google some Twista lyrics for example you'll see he can have quite basic multis (just a lot of them!!)...essentially what these guys are doing is extended the effective 'beats per bar' they can use because they can squeeze more content in. Or to come at it from another angle, they can have longer lines because they can spit more content.

In terms of a 'chopper style', it's really about understanding stressed/unstressed syllables and the relationship between those...which is something that is basically as old as the written verse format.

I could give you a basic answer...but might as well give a more 'active' example:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bigpunisher/beware.html

This is as good example as any because he switches between faster and slower lines - yet you can still understand what he's saying, which is pretty useful!!

So the convention is x = unstressed, / = stressed

Wit' a twist of black in the brow, twist ya cap and I'm out
Sleep wit' the fish-dips for yappin' too loud

^^ random line from Big Pun - Beware....setup is:

x x / x / x x / x x / x x /
x / x / / x x / x /

Notice how the start of the second line feels like it's slowed down a little yet he's still got 5 stressed syllables in the line...yet significantly less overall syllables. Or in other words, he rattles thorough the unstressed but can maintain the overall flow of the line. It helps that he has a multi rhyme in there, but the point is it's the interplay between the stressed and unstressed that does it...because he can rhyme 3 stressed syallbles but it would fuck up the rhythm, flow and overall feel of the verse.

You need to be careful not to have too many unstressed together, notice how it's mostly either x/ or xx/ as a structure, don't see many // together and when you do it adds a quirk into his rhythm pattern. Often in the middle of a line as almost a 'break'...which helps to amplify that 'machine gun' style feel to it.

If he had the same structure and approach but took the rhymes out it'd still work...he doesn't really rely on the rhymes to feed that rhythm he has, it's just an accentuation.

If your gonna flip a bar. Go for the strongest bar, so it takes away from it's potency. Most bars aren't worth flipping, and if you do make sure it's a good one because it's easier to flip stuff than come up with an original idea. The onus is on you, as you have that advantage.

I'll help tutor. If you feel I'm worthy lol

Being self critical is good...that's how you can focus on improving. Obviously there's a difference between saying "I could've worked in more metaphors" or "I could've stepped up my wordplay" to "I am fucking shit" and getting down on yourself.

I don't think the concept is overdone, it was a cool drop...obviously you want to mix it up, but there's nothing wrong it once in a while

I think this is a good idea.