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The Law 
Site Moderator 
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
 Topic: IC Round 2: Battler 4 vs Battler 5Posted: 11 February 2015 at 10:15pm |
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Identity Crisis: Round 2 - 30-50 Lines 3-0KO or First to 5 - Battlers will be anonymous - Votes will be hidden - Wednesday February 18th, 11:59pm GMT time Round 2 Theme: Protagonist/Antagonist Voting rules: Votes will be hidden and need to be approved my a moderator. Please vote in the thread, and it will be revealed at the end of the battle. (Don't PM them) Voters must have 250 posts to vote (I think there was a couple shady votes last round) Remember those that don't vote will have money taken off if they win Battler 4: Serial Killer Battler 5: Police Detective Keep in mind that you do not have to follow a specific storyline.
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 19 February 2015 at 5:04am |
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Battler 4 Serial Killer Slip into the mind of a psychopath, grip'n a knife wear'n a Michael mask. As he cycles past, chopp'n some tits off, Her lips off, you'd think he was pissed off! But it's a normal day.... For him murder'n the Norman way! The courts would say that he's out of his mind, Of course inclined, it's a bit clouded but fine. Laugh cuz they doubted my nine, now he's grippin a switch blade, For bitch made, find him sit'n where kids play. In fifth grade, he was kill'n cats and dogs, And attack'n mom's, smack'n dads take'n bats to balls. Track the facts that fall, he was born to be, Disorderly, a serial killer some sort of freak. With a cord of teeth for trophies, Forced out grossly, with no remorse he, Keeps rip'n through victims, his dictum, no order depicted, to eager to pick them. He slipped in with a bag and a 12 gauge, With swelled hate and shot as soon as he felt rage. But won't be caged, so he runs from justice, The plus is, he's not afraid to bust his musket! He's tough shit, out on a kill'n spree, Make your throat sing, cuz he's ill'n see? Got cops and they're out hot on his trail, Can't get caught, couldn't even wish for bail. So I turn skin to pale and keep take'n lives, And rape the night, no words gonna make it right. In case you're lame I've been talk'n in thirds, Come and play my game, I'm a murderer! |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 19 February 2015 at 5:05am |
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Battler 5 Police Detective I've felt disjointed for days since I've been appointed this case It seems like it's torment I crave; Analyzing his inglorious ways The stories depraved; sick and makes me question society I haven't accepted entirely; this case's unsettling irony How a sociopath could murder victim's so clever and privately Then blend like a chameleon with such little effort suprises me I've studied his traits; each crime scene is noticeably brutal Photo's of victim's last moments left at unapproachable murals The victim's seems to be younger women; whose throats have been skewered It's hard to cope for parents. But it's Even more insulting to view it!! It's consumed me!! my wife said I haven't been the same person she married I've become distant; unfulfilling; stopped and attending church with the family She tells me I've invested more in drinking; and the Lord I usurped him for Brandy Sick of the constant complaining I blurt; "You're hanging me worse then the clan see!" I stormed out to clear my head; the stress of the job is obvious The best move I can make is to try to make myself calm in private I stumble to the car; the effects of Brandy have drawn my eyelids I know I shouldn't; but I pull the car out of park and drive it Clutching the bottle tight; as I swerve through the night's darkness I can barely see the road; but I'm too determined and drive off quick "Bitch will never understand the guilt of a killer loose on the street! My childish ways? But I work 18 hour days! Damn it's been an unusual week!" Each murder seemed personal; almost as if he's showboating his cruelness to me "Maybe I should return home; and apologize for storming out earlier so furiously I pull up with glee; To tell my wife I'm sorry and I love her And tell her that I'm stressed and that it's hard to be in public Because knowing anyone could be this killer is a burden on my heart I walk inside the house and call her; hoping she heard me in the car No answer to "Babe?"; but maybe she's still upset with my outburst She could be asleep; I won't jump the gun without checking the house first I walk into the bathroom and I have a flashback of the photo's from the fiend Because my wife was laying inside the tub like she was posing for his scenes I collapse to the floor; my jeans covered in blood from the graphic murder Her throat was pierced; it seemed as if there was somebody glad to hurt her There was a note on the floor; on top of numerous photo's from the struggle "I will take your entire family from you; till there's no one left to love you." The photo's that followed; were worse then any I'd ever seen on the job At least she found peace deceased; cause in the photo's she was screaming alive A single tear dripped from my face onto the photo's I clinched so tightly I give up; He had finally won. Now things for me wouldn't end so nicely Why'd my pride get in the way! Why couldn't I just commend my wife's plea's? so I slowly placed my nine millimeter underneath my chin with a tight squeeze. |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member 
NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 20 February 2015 at 2:23am |
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Battler 4: Okay. I felt that your scheme didn't really fit. The short bars and the topic you had just didnt work. I feel you didn't utilize all the potential you had with being the serial killer. I mean its such a bland concept you could have expanded this to be really fucking awesome. You didn't utilize that. To be honest it seemed like this was rushed and it also felt more of a horrorcore than an actual topical. You had some nice flow in some parts ,multiez stood out in sections but for a topical especially in a tournament I just wasn't feeling it. There was no real direction with the story. This basically was just a horrorcore verse. It really seemed rushed to me.
Battler 5: From the opening line to surprises me I was sucked rite in. Not only to the story but to your choice of words and how you executed them. Great fucking start. You really led the reader into the character. Then the way you ended the first section. Damn. I have to say im impressed and it was pretty much flawless. that second little section was good but the last line seemed a bit stretched and it wasnt as strong as the first segment. Now the next section you get really descriptive that I can actually put the picture in my head as of whats going on. Not to mention you still carry that flow. The cruelness to me line was a bit off flow wise but the story still carried on. I kinda saw it coming with the plot of the story but still it was interesting and you executed it with some real writing talent. i liked the posing for his scenes part. damn then the note with no one left to love you....nice touch. that is a dope way to end it. I actually had a similar story to this back in the day. Very nice job this was top talent. I enjoyed it. MVGT Battler 5. His story was just more exciting the flow was better and it was just a better topical verse to be honest. top tier shit in my opinion.
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Shankley
Superior Member
Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
Posted: 20 February 2015 at 5:01pm |
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Battler 4: Nice verse man, some good multis and internals made for an extremely smooth flow. You really got into the mind of a psychopath had a good touch of rationality, always a serial killer trait. You had good wordplay and word choice as well, your vocab was extremely nice. Your first 4 lines really grabs your attention and the way it is worded almost feel effortless. Your imagery was nice really painted a picture well. It was on the lower end of the line limit, which isn't a bad thing you chose quality over quantity. This was a real top job, really well written and nicely worded.
Battler 5: The story was excellent, nice twist ending. Your flow wasn't quite as smooth and you seemed to have a few rhymes which didn't rhyme. But on content this was awesome, the story of his slow decline whilst chasing the killer and then seen the error of his ways all too late was very nicely done. When I started to read i was wondering which way you was going to go with this (I almost expected him to be the killer, split personality) but the path you took was a good one. Nice job bro, very well done. A tough battle here, both battlers have brought excellent pieces in different ways. They both had strong points and points where they weren't quite as strong. But in the end it comes down to whose verse did I prefer and whose verse could I read multiple times without it getting old quickly and i gotta go with the second one, I always like a real good story. MVGT Battler 5
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Nigma
Site Moderator
Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision   |
Posted: 20 February 2015 at 9:04pm |
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Serial Killer - Was in interested verse. Felt like I was following his thought. Some cool images but I feel you could have been more direct with your progression in focus to build more depth as opposed to dropping a barrage of images. Only other thing I didn't write is how boring your rhyme scheme got. It was just setup/follow up/transition the whole way through. Otherwise it was mechanically strong but carrying on a few of those schemes woulda kept things more interesting.
Detective - Sheer advantage in content alone. I enjoyed how you presented the story, ending was cliche but fit the, interesting schemes thoughout, some cool word choices and natural incorporation. the usurp line stands out. Overall solid verse +1 Detective
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 20 February 2015 at 11:15pm |
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Battler 5 wins KO.
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