Heat Wave: HW Topical (final) - Exo v Amgin |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 09 November 2015 at 8:59am |
Final: CLIMATIC CONCEPTS
Topic = A comet hits the earth... Unlimited lines Best of SEVEN votes (all fair & explained votes count) Deadline = midnight, 22nd November |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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"The Walk Of Shame" News spread that morning, that the earth was about to be devastated- This was the medias warning, that Mother Nature was gonna test our patience- A comet was coming for earth and there might not be anyone left who makes it- without hesitation, We just need to pray to god cus running for cover means nothing- especially when the world around you is in absolute & utter destruction- I wonder if something, could happen where I could safely save my family- my nerves are 'shot' so I walk to the cabinet as I go & 'taste my brandy'- My wife is holding my daughter on the couch still in their morning robes- not watching their usual morning shows, cus devastation has hit their souls it shows- We need to hold our own but the truth is, its hard when the news is, constantly scarin' ya- Trying to keep delivering fear thru social media causing all this mass hysteria- My glass is half empty now and I truly mean that in more ways than one- I mean between tidal waves and flames being hotter than the rays of sun- set to finally erase what was, known only as our earth & basically all of mankind- I'm exploding with anger! Feels like I just stepped on a land mine- We must of been out our damn minds, if We didn't study enough to pass the test to stand time- We are about to be destroyed by a flaming rock a quarter of the size we live on- I'm petrified for humanity so how in my mind do I try and make my kid strong- Hold hands and sing songs? nah we need to seek refuge and get underground rite now- First thing I thought of was my city's subway system It's astounding how- Outside has gotten so dark so quick not just by all the dark and surrounding clouds- But by how no one is working together shit its like its every man for himself- The monster in us all got bigger like everyone was expanding their belts- and you would honestly be god damned if you dare think of asking for help- Theres a rush for the subways, everyone packed in and actually fighting- smacking and biting, its like its the day after thanksgiving the blackest of Fridays- No one has there priorities straight everyone wrapped in this coil of hate- from the wealthiest to any minorities race, to just save them selves- But if we all end up dying is this the way that your gonna behave in hell?- Cus from the looks of it thats where ya going if you dont make it out alive- We hear the Emergency Siren, the comet must be breaking out the sky- Everyone just got silent even tho they were all freaking out their mind- Minutes go by but no one says anything people start checking their phones- Sighs of relief & smiles over their faces as theres no more stress in their bones- Cuz all the messages that messed with their domes, that were actually sent thru their homes- Was a blessing cuz only the other side of earth was affected so let the lesson be known- Even tho we are alive and some lost their lives there was still smiles on faces- Cus they lived and others didnt I couldn't believe how vile & tasteless- We as a people could be after the way we acted after mother nature displayed her slaughter- On the other side of the world, honestly this is not a place I want to raise my daughter- Everyone cheering & screaming honestly it kinda just distraught my brain- Heading up those subway steps wasn't a victory lap but more of a walk of shame-
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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im somethin studley. the chubbies love me cause i make em melt
its a standard sunday, sat and saw my favorite raiders take an L as the game developed someone brave had changed the channel then -DANGER- flashed up. following message raised and traveled "all scheduled programming for the days been cancelled... theres a crater aiming us and if it hits us, our fate is trampled this is a state announcement. these may be my last words if the scientists fail break it down, this day is splattered cherish every second, aim for making it matter the reality, we're surfing on the wake of disaster" within minutes, religious minds and pastors start crying rapture keep my mind intact knowing we could strike and realign it's path it might just pass us, theres the slightest chance they'll try in 90 minutes to buy our planet and lives in fact, the wisest, brightest-minded science addicts are writing actions theyve planned our strike and they have assigned us a strategy a missile strike will crack it, in the sky for all amassed to see one half dissolved by atmosphere, the other one will splash mid-sea beams through gas and vapors, a massive crater that blasts through space the tv streams the savage nature we have escape us on the last of days as it gravitates to its crashing place it paints a black cascade thats ominous dims the land in shade, snatches rays, a plaque that stains the continents this situation has a fiscal hold on our state of consciousness we're gazing onward, thoughts locked in what waits beyond the distant glow television switched to show the missiles loaded, they lift and go risen, glowing in the distance, honing on its victim. it hits, exploding just as it predicted, it slowly splits, slight shift as its vigor shrunk aligned, in focus. the giant boulder molding to mitosis, it saws the ground now it all comes down to how precisely they angled the bigger chunk the math and adding seem to be handled neatly, it splashed and sunk the smaller half is cracking up, now the panics muffled, i gasp and puff avoided rapture, strikes evaded, now the day feels less frightening i feel the light invade as it fights the shade theres no stopping in our haste we didnt take the precautions. mistakes that haunt me take your bones and muscles, separate the soul and make them bodies realized we tried in vein, see the rising waves of tsunamis and although we may have broken it to grains thats rocky we cant contain the wave of hot heat thats fatally maiming our bodies be it flames or wafting waves, cant stop the grave that natures spawning s'how it cleans the slate, cleanse the demons. embrace the winds, a calm breeze
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Well, let's give em some votes then..
Exo, at first glance it was quite a scary wall of text, tho it was pretty effortless to read through.
All those lines invested in the build up and progressing the story was bars well spent, especially concerning the goal of delivering a proper, cataclysmic drama. I lenjoyed the overall narrative, for the most part it was exciting to read, tho there was some things that irked me as well. For instance, this one: We need to hold our own but the truth is, its hard when the news is, constantly scarin' ya- Trying to keep delivering fear thru social media causing all this mass hysteria The bar itself is legit enough, but in this context it feels kinda contrived. When there's a freaking real disastrous global threat approaching, I don't think media hype and fear mongering should be the first of our concerns. I have no issues with reflecting over humanity thing but I felt that bar was just misplaced. The conclusion was satisfying, tho I would have loved to see some destructive nature contra destructive humanity contemplation as well. Technically it's pretty solid across the piece, tho some lines was a little below your usual rhyming standard. Favorite bar: "Theres a rush for the subways, everyone packed in and actually fighting- smacking and biting, its like its the day after thanksgiving the blackest of Fridays". Nygma, I did not feel the same sense of dread in the opening segment as I did with Exo's. Probably because it was shorter and less reflective, however I can't say it didn't serve it's purpose regarding how you tackled this topic. You fronted the vital info out there and that's the most important factor. However, in the main segment, damn, that's where things got really interesting. I will claim that you hit the nail on the head from a descriptive and poetic perspective. The story itself was just about decent, but it's more how you told that story that really impressed me here. Contrast to the unfolding events there was some really beautiful bars in here, like; "as it gravitates to its crashing place it paints a black cascade thats ominous dims the land in shade, snatches rays, a plaque that stains the continents this situation has a fiscal hold on our state of consciousness" that really brought the piece to life. Technically, the use of vocab was evedently tighter. I did not catch the flow of rhymes at certain times tho. Favorite bar: "we're gazing onward, thoughts locked in what waits beyond the distant glow television switched to show the missiles loaded, they lift and go" For the verdict, it's not easy to decide a winner for this one, basically it boils down particular preferences. Both writers dropped some heavy verses with some minor scale issues. Exo had the best overall story and narration\development, while Nigma was better bar for bar and more poetic. Going with my gut-feeling I finally give it to Nigma, for a slightly better total package, this is one is pretty open tho. |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Currently one vote cast, can we get some more please?
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Slip
Standard Member Joined: 04 June 2013 Location: St Johns. N.L. Status: Offline Points: 1612 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-33-0 Form: LLLWLW |
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exo's plot was fantastic the imagery told a story keeping a great flow
with some really great rhymes that painted a picture wonder if something, could happen where I could safely save my family my nerves are 'shot' so I walk to the cabinet as I go & 'taste my brandy'- really like lines like this almost paints a motion picture also really felt this line I'm exploding with anger! Feels like I just stepped on a land mine just stood out for me and i like the twist twards the end this verse kept me wanting to read and his view on people the way they would act if this were to happen seems pretty real to me the walk of shame at the end gave this peace alot of emotion nigma i felt at the start of your verse you diddnt really grab my attention and your rhymes were not as complex as exo's your flow is not bad but it dozent compare to the opposing verse your verse starts to get better here beams through gas and vapors, a massive crater that blasts through space the tv streams the savage nature we have escape us on the last of days as it gravitates to its crashing place it paints a black cascade thats ominous dims the land in shade, snatches rays, a plaque that stains the continents all said and done nigmas verse wazent bad just that i thought exos waz a great story very well written the whole way threw from start to finish so for that reasom MVGT: Exoduzt For: The Walk Of Shame |
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Absolute Abomination
Standard Member Joined: 15 May 2015 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 556 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: LLWW |
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starting off with exo.
This started really well. anyone thats read any of my shit knows i love rhyme schemes that incorporate multiple rhymes (e.g. your AB//AB with "morning devastated//warning patience". i think it sets a good pace for the rest of the piece and this was no exception. not sure if you tried rhyming "coming" as an "A", if so it didn't work, if not you should have looked for something else to use here. changing the rhyme scheme midway kills the flow which is really detrimental in a topical. But that line is an outlier - the flow picks back up straight away. Even a few lines down when you use "shows" and "shows", it still goes together nicely and just rolls off the tongue well. I didn't follow the glass is half empty+tidal waves lines, not sure if I missed something or not. I'd love an explanation if someone could work that one out for me. I'm not a big fan of the second half; when you start talking about people fending for themselves. Especially the WHOLE "every man for himself//expanding their belts" bar. the flow just went into thin air. The black friday was a bit of a stretch as well. It even closes kind of weak. Maybe it was just because of the perspective we were given. It's like, we're going through this guys experience then all of a sudden he's safe and it was all for nothing? + he's mad that people are happy that they're alive? They're not cheering other people died, just that their families are safe... causes me to distance myself from the character which is the opposite to what you want to happen in a topical. I'm sure you know that. onto nigma. Definitely the weaker beginning of the two verses. The first and second bars just seem to be missing something in terms of flow. Does not go together when I say it aloud. I also don't like that the news reporter is trying to promote his mixtape during such a catastrophic time. Oddly enough your use of "see" and "sea" felt second-rate compared to Exo's "show" and "show". Not sure why. The rest of the piece just seems a bit all over the place. A few lines are very different in terms of length and there are clearly lines that sound significantly better than other ones. Sometimes feels like two different people are writing. That all changes at "beams through gas and vapors...". Really picked it up here. The flow and choice of words was on point. The story-telling and imagery here picked up a lot as well. You captured humanity's emotions perfectly from the transition to danger - safety - danger. Turns into something completely different and makes me sit back and think "fuck me." Impressed man props. Ends on a chilling note too. So both had solid verses. Exo's was 'on average' better than Nigma's, but that last half of nigma's just takes the prize for me. Nigma for the win. Good stuff from both. Grats on making it to the finals.
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Show me a fortress and I'll show you a ruin.
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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3 votes submitted
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Arthur
Veteran Joined: 23 August 2013 Location: London Status: Offline Points: 2310 Text Rank: #5 Stats: 36-7-0 Form: WWWWLL |
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Ok I don't often vote on topicals but I've read both pieces and can give feedback and an opinion on who won.
At times Exo, whilst reading through I almost felt like I was reading a story, the imagery was so good and it had fantastic storytelling. However it's almost as if you abandoned other aspects of a rap verse. The flow of the piece was hurt by this at times. I'd have liked to have seen some more rhyming couplets than just the end of each line too(for the most part). Having said this though it was the more emotional piece of the two and your ability to make a reader feel certain emotions is almost second to none. This was my favourite section from your piece: "Theres a rush for the subways, everyone packed in and actually fighting- smacking and biting, its like its the day after thanksgiving the blackest of Fridays- No one has there priorities straight everyone wrapped in this coil of hate- from the wealthiest to any minorities race, to just save them selves- But if we all end up dying is this the way that your gonna behave in hell?-" This really does paint a picture of what it may actually look like if this kind of disaster ever struck. And linking it to Black Friday was real nice too. Nigma, I liked the way you started, painting the picture of a normal day up until this point. I almost feel like it was the opposite to what Exo did, you seemed to focus more on the technical side of putting together a verse than your storytelling. And I think the way you delivered it was of a very high level. Some of the techniques you used were flawless, fantastic multies and some sick assonance. But again, like Exo, maybe using too much on one aspect hurt your other aspect, I felt as though the storytelling and imagery suffered as a result of how much you focused on multi syllable rhymes. My favourite lines from your piece: "within minutes, religious minds and pastors start crying rapture" That's just a beautiful line. "the wisest, brightest-minded science addicts are writing actions" The assonance in that line is brilliant. Ok, it's close. Exo's story telling was really nice, he painted a picture well with his imagery. Nigma put together a technically brilliant verse. Both stayed on topic. Just went at it slightly different. For me i think the writing ability that Nigma showed was just a little better on this occasion. Had Exo's story gripped me even further he may have got the nod. But when it came to the winner I just enjoyed reading Nigmas more. Winner : Nigma (Amgin) |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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4 votes cast
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Exo - felt like you took a little whole to get into this one. Rhyming was good but not as sharp and crisp as you often are, I felt the rhythm could've been a bit slicker...used to seeing you a lot more polished. But you did grow into it as you progressed. I liked the glass is half empty line & the landmine one. Not home runs but still very good. I did ultimately like the way you took it, the way you described the panic and then relief and your reflections on the type of world that survived from a human perspective, I thought that was a really fresh angle and a good way to close it out. Overall I thought you had a very good verse, maybe lacking a little in your classic super polished finesse but underneath that it was well written and well conceived.
Nigs - I thought this was a quality verse...think you've come quite a way since you've joined the site. I remember reading your drops and it was either a bombardment of rhymes without that verse composition (I.E. It read like a collection of dope rhymes rather than a cohesive verse) or it was very vocab intensive and you had to really concentrate and almost decipher what you were talking about to understand your underlying point. Now you seem to have toned it down and can communicate a lot better without having lost that edge which made your style your own & actually you're getting a bit more charisma in there as well. I thought this was an excellent drop, it was quite funny to see you taking that little dig at the Raiders but you really progressed the narrative for me. The way you played it like it was all ok right until the end where you span it back to catastrophe was genius to me & really showed an excellent understanding of the topic itself...as the point was that a comet hit the earth, but it wasn't determined whether it was a happy ending or not. While I liked Exo's human approach I felt like your lyricism and descriptiveness were just next level and you gave a great account of yourself and showed to what I think is your full potential. And ultimately I think that's what it came down to...two well versed and experienced topical writers with two interesting interpretations on the topic. I felt Nigma just executed his slightly better which gave it an all round clinical finish which gave him the edge here. Whether or not that was partially due to Exo showing up last minute it's hard to say...but that was the difference on the day & why Nigma gets my vote. Vote = Nigma |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Best of 7 but only 5 required to see Nigma crowned as champion.
Congratulations to both for getting this far & Nigma for claiming the crown AND topical title!! |
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