Open Mic: Sundered-land [KOTM]

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    Posted: 22 October 2016 at 6:11pm


I come from a sundered land, punctured by a sunken plan
Since the ship industry died we’ve needed a fucking hand (thanks Nissan)
There’s few around my way earning anywhere near a hundred grand
But football’s a religion, like a family guys, with no Drunken Clam
Just a bunch of drunken fans worshipping at the Stadium of Light
An’ if we’re honest we know our team’s a fucking pile of shite
We yearn passion, and tough tackles, back when that Roker roared
Still hark back to ’73 and the FA cup final when Stokoe soared
Cross that Wearmouth bridge, head on past St Peters campus
The national glass centre to reach the beach at Seaburn, ask us…
About the air show, every year, never missing the rain
And deep into winter you’ll see kite surfers still kissing the waves
It’s a cheap night out, but trust, some of these kids are crazy
Either ends up in a fight or walking home with cheesy chips n gravy
Climbing up Tunstall Hill with my dog to get a view of the city
A school of hard knocks which made me indisputably gritty


Edited by Cuba - 23 October 2016 at 12:49pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 October 2016 at 11:13pm
Whole thing was smooth and precise. For the length it was you painted a thorough picture and touched on a good few topics so overall it was an entertaining read and kept me interested. I dunno much about football but I know that Sunderland don't do much of note so yeah lol. Never been there but I caught the vibe as it being somewhere that's seen better days.

It’s a cheap night out, but trust, some of these kids are crazy
Either ends up in a fight or walking home with cheesy chips n gravy

^ Lol. Very accurate for a lot of places. Definitely the stand out bar for me. Not the most technical or flashy but I did find it amusing.

Keep it up man.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 October 2016 at 7:24am
yo this was dope! And i agree, "repping ur city" isn't the most exciting concept, lol, but you did it with much panache, sir. flow was crisps as winter air and the wording was pretty much perfect, with no force wording anywhere. What i like most was the brief glimpse into your city. From this exposition, i see a city that takes much pride in the athletic convention, something i can relate to because Massachusetts is HUGE on sports also lol. This piece actually informed me that your from overseas ha, possibly from Great Britain. This whole time i thought u were from the States lol. So not only did i was enlightened with ur city's culture but also your personal geographical location ha! Even though the piece was dope on it's own, the addition of links definitely helped in the overall scope of the reading experience. Thanks.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 October 2016 at 12:41pm
Thanks guys...I don't think it'll top yours, Sammy, but having read yours I figured I'd get involved!! It's tough to get that balance between being specific (& people going, wtf is St. Peters campus) and making it interesting to read without knowing anything about the place. 

I might put a couple more links in there to bring it to life for people a bit more...I have some photos of my own that I could share, but it's a verse, not a fucking Pinterest board!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 October 2016 at 2:52pm
Even though I'm majorly disappointed in you as a peer and as a man, I could never ever front on your pen game.

You're still razor sharp and on point.
This was dope. I might jump on this one just for fun.

+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kiki Spirez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 October 2016 at 12:31am
This was top notch, wanted more bars of it. Thats when you know its a good OM!

First bar made me laugh, straight away gave it a 'its a shit hole in places, but we have history, and I fucking love it'. Also coming from a north, I think that resinated with me strongly from the get go. Bar the undoubted technical ability shown, i also appreciated your passion for football. Been to the Stadium of Light, really liked it. As you can see from my Avi, i'm a fan of celebrating old FA Cup moments!

Props for this.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 October 2016 at 7:37pm
this was dope, you went about yours different from everyone else. also you had greatstrings of multis and nice rhyme schemes here. from the submissions ive read so far, this had the best mutli strings, so solid job. I enjoyed the read thru and thru.
 
I know most people tend to write how you did here, but iw ould suggest putting a space betweene evry 4 bars/lines, have it spaced out into quatrains. I just write in that more technical fashion I guess, most people ehre don't write like that, but its easier to read. just my two cents. maybe exo will come reformat it (jkjk)
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 November 2016 at 10:33pm
Steady on.......Whooa, back the fuck up Spume!....Did I just read "Cheesey Chips with God Damn Gravy"?..

Once again I am reminded of the great cultural differences between North and South of our fine land

Really felt like you was reppin a place you know well, Always nice to get a better picture of what someone is about
Dope read

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 November 2016 at 2:53pm
Mate you can't knock it until you've had it...when you're drunk it is absolutely sensational!!!
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