Open Mic: Waitress No. 666

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    Posted: 12 January 2017 at 10:28pm
Inspired by Rhet's verse & the KOTM topic. It's obviously over the line limit...

But check it...


WAITRESS No. 666

I met Luis Cypher on a fateful day in June
At the age of 22, waiting tables at Diego's
As a way to pay for school, he had came
To taste the food that was famously consumed
By every famous name I knew in the land of
Tinsel Town. "Excuse me ma'am I'm Lilith Brown
& I work for Mr. Cypher who demands you sit us down!"
"Are you mad, you see this crowd? Not even Brad
Could get in now. Even with a reservation you'll be
Waiting for a while. But there's always Casa Vega
& the famous Mr.Chow's." She just grimaced
With a scowl, then she told me, "Listen, Child ...
Mr. Cypher is impatient so you better figure out ..."
Right before I kicked her out, I heard the voice
Of Don Diego, "Get a table for Ms. Brown ...
& a bottle of some vino ... dos lomitos 20 ounce
& make sure it's on the house!"; so I took her
Down the aisle to a corner in the back where
She was shrouded by the shadows and her
Face was nearly black, she was sneering like a
Cat & her eyes kinda glowed like a photo with the
Flash; as I stumbled in the kitchen for the dishes
& to ask ... Don Diego who she was ... he just
Stared at me real numb, then he told me, "She's a nun
Or at least she use to be ... until she came to Cali
On a mission of "belief", but what happened in between
Is a mystery it seems, cos the next thing you know
She's the 'Mistress of TV' -- every filthy thing you see
From the hookers to the fiends, all the pornography
To the vulgar imagery, both the monsters & the creeps
The Illuminati symbols and demonic symmetry ...
On the television screen was influenced by producers
Who she tutored then released on the whole industry
... "But who is Luis Cypher?"; "Girl be careful what you speak!"
"But" ... "Hush ... that's enough, plus they prolly wanna eat"
As he shoved me out the kitchen I was shaking like a leaf
In a Transylvanian breeze, felt a strain within my knees
And a cold bane of sweat as my face began to steam
Cos the closer that I got I could feel the frequencies
Of "satanic" energies! ............ "Lilith who is she...?"
Said a suave silhouette, as his head nodded forward
And our eyes finally met .. he had a bronze kind of red
Like a fire when it danced and upon a second glance
I was lost within his trance .. all my flaws were in his hands
As he charmed me like a snake in Punjab, Pakistan...!
"She's a star .. I'm a fan"... "More like harlot or a tramp".
"No, the next Scarlet Jo, Angelina, or Diaz ... I can see it
If you can't" ... "If we get her out those rags and we put her
In a dress like an Oscar del la Renta or Dior, then I guess ...
But of course she'll need breast?" ... "Then we'll make em
more enhanced, but I'm sure that those legs ...could quickly
Start a war just like Paris". "You mean France"? "I mean Helen
In the flesh ... she's so elegant and fresh"; ... they so hellishly
Expressed every element of sex as I stood there possessed
By the Devil's eloquence ..."Then I guess it's settled then ...
I can get her scheduled-in on a Tuesday after 10."
"Then it's welcome to the Bigs, Waitress Six Sixty Six!
.
.
My name is Luis Cypher and I rule the Movie Biz ..."



Edited by Rutter knows best - 13 January 2017 at 1:52am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 January 2017 at 10:30pm
*Lilith*
http://www.ancient-origins.net/myths-legends/lilith-ancient-demon-dark-deity-or-sex-goddess-005908
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 January 2017 at 10:45pm
So so so Self, i see you strike again

Interesting Title. A helish waitress. i like


Verse Structure is hard to follow if your a peasent to lyricism. Catchy though. i like it. I guess im not a fucking peasent. Haha. Opener is nice. Gets right into the resty business. Tinsel Town? Have you been? The vocabulary is definitely different. Its giving me that small southern town vibe. Im digging that shit. Nice emphasis on that part. Vocab helped paint a particular picute. Dope artisty there. Also, Don sounds like a assfuck. The story itself is rather paced fast. Even though this is a long verse. Now the story plot is fucking crazy though. How the fuck is a waitress so devilish? You tied some dope shit here. The metaphor out this whole piece is dope. How media is the devil. The fact you tied this with a waitress, a nun and the media is dope shit. Fuck off with your writing skills. This shit is that Cray cray
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 January 2017 at 2:19pm
*Luis should be pronounced as Lewis*

Yo, Dizz peep the link about Lilith in the second post and say the name Luis Cypher three times slow.

-EDIT- Also, "Tinsel Town" is a throwback name for Hollywood.

Thanks for the feed, bro. Always an honor.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 1:43am
Finally got round d to this..

First off,this rhyme scheme is unusual but innovative,having the rhyming words mainly
in the middle of the lines was creative,and not an easy thing to do,and to be honest,you
have to be skilled to pull it off without breaking flow,which you did for the most part in
this piece,so props there,plus the details scattered throughout this piece was subtly
placed I thought,as to the wording here,plus the choices of words also,in this piece,
I read some Slick imagery within like the red eyes from a flash in photos,and the back
n forth conversation with Deigo and the depiction of her being sinister to name just a
few,this verse also caught me off guard as I wasn't expecting you to be so diverse
with literature,(and if i could make a suggestion here I think you should make this a
series),all in all brilliant story telling my friend,how innocents can be contorted and
redirected and transformed into corruption and debauchery,was just ripe,I do have a
question though.

Does Mr Cypher intend to replace the nun with the waitress?,or is she an inclusion to his stable?

I highly enjoyed this Scribe from you and thanks for posting as I got a kick on reading,where the pleasure was mine in all truth..peace.


Edited by Crimson Juice - 14 January 2017 at 1:48am
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 3:15am
This was incredibly creative. The unconventional scheme you employed, along with the very vivid narrative were one of the highlights here. And I think it's not a coincidence by now, but I actually jotted a few lines recently with Lilith as the main 'motif' and reference. So yeah, suffice to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the content and how everything came together. I also loved how you changed your tone in this verse, it was rather adaptive to the 'environment' you set this in. And that alone makes this a stand out piece imo, as only a few writers are as versatile in their language. You incorporated unique references throughout, kind of making the reader expect a certain allusion at first, but only to result in a quite original line, so to say. An example would be that Helen reference. Glad you shared this. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 3:42am
Thanks for the feed, Crim. You know it's always appreciated broham. Real talk.

Now to clear a view things up because I noticed that both you and Dizz interpreted the story in two different ways, which is kind of cool for multiple different reasons.

However, please allow me a moment to fully let the cat out of the bag and explain what's acrually happening here.

To begin the story is set in an ultra exclusive Hollywood (aka Tinsel Town) restaurant named Diego's. The idea is that the restaurant caters to very high-profile celebrities and industry figures. Thus, at the time in which Lilith arrives the restaurant is so packed with A-List diners the waitress/hostess facetiously replies "that not even Brad (as in Pitt) could get in now", let alone someone who she's unfamiliar with. She then suggest to Lilith that instead of her and Mr. Cypher (who has yet to be seen) waiting indefinitely in vain that perhaps they should take their business to other trendy establishments such as Casa Vega or Mr. Chow -- which are two very well known real-life Hollywood hot spots -- I also mentioned those places to show the reader just how exclusive Diego's is by alluding to the fact that they would likely have a better chance of getting into two world class restaurants even without a reservation than they would getting into Diego's. In any case, this doesn't sit well with Lilith as she explains to the waitress how impatient Mr. Cypher can be. So after a brief war of words the waitress has had enough and is about to ask Lilith to leave, but right before she follows through with this thought she is interrupted by the voice of the owner (Diego). Recognizing immediately who Lilith is he quickly interjects and demands the waitress to find Ms. Brown a table for two and to make the bill complements of the house. As a result the waitress makes room for a table way in the back of the restaurant, which is a dim lit corner and only available space left. As she's leaving the table and heading towards the kitchen she starts to get a real spooky vibe from Lilith. There is something about her evil smile and the way her eyes seem to glow in the shadows. Creeped out by this and curious as to who this lady is she decides to ask Diego about her. However, she noticed that Diego is visibly shaken/numb. He tells her that Lilith use to be a nun and that she came to California on a missionary, but at some point in time the story gets fuzzy from there, because the next thing you know she's running the Television Industry and that her agency is largely responsible for all the filth and sacrilegious content we see on tv today. After processing this information the waitress is still lost as to who this Mr. Cypher guy is and attempts to ask Diego, but is swiftly advised to not even say his name out loud and to stop asking questions. She's then rushed out of the kitchen to take the plates to the table. However, on route to her destination she starts picking up all sorts of bad vibes the closer she gets. When she finally arrives a shadowy figure ask Lilith about her. This figure is Mr. Cypher. She's immediately hypnotized by only a glance. At this point Cypher and Lilith start conversing back in forth about the sex appeal of the waitress as if she's not even there. They start picking her apart as if she's just an object (think Hollywood auditions); but instead of being offended by this the waitress is both flattered by the alluring charm of Mr. Cypher as if she's under his spell. Finally, Lilith and Cypher agree that they can make the waitress the next big Hollywood star. Possessed the waitress does not object and effectively signs a deal with the devil.

Now

Luis Cypher rules Hollywood. Luis or Louie Cypher is Lucifer in the flesh

Lilith Brown is the "Mistress of TV". In Jewish/biblical mythology Lilith is the first wife of Adam and the mother of all demons and in pagan times was the consort of Satan and praised as a dark deity of sex.

Hollywood="Holly Wood", which is "coincidentally" a type of wood a witch's/wizard's wand is made from. Hence the term "Hollywood magic" or "Glamorous stars" ("glamor" as in the hypnotizing spell a vampire cast over its victim).

Now it's well known in Hollywood that every waitress is really just a struggling actress trying to get by until she hits it big. Thus, is the reason why I chose this as the profession for the main character. However, the reason she wasn't given a name is because I wanted to paint a picture of just how deep the Devil's reach was in Hollywood. The idea is that Lilith and Lucifer have made dozens of seemingly no name waitresses into mega stars (such as Scarlet Johansson, Angelina Jolie, and Carmen Diaz). So the conversation they were having at the restaurant was a standard thing for them. In fact, up until they met their current subject they had made exactly 665 waitress into movie and tv stars. Hence the title.

Lastly, she meets the Lucifer at the age of 22 (11:11), which is a really interesting number that deals with coming into contact with spiritual entities.

Anyway, there's more, but I think this clears up most everything. What do you guys think? I'm curious.








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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rhetorical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 4:24am
well, i was going to throw my interpretation out there lol . . 

i loved the stop - start - pause - go - type of flow. yes, Crimson was correct, you have to be familiar with the anatomy of verses to understand what you did here with the flow. The story was just elegantly crafted here Self. You held no punches. Beautiful transitions, thought provoking, i mean. . it really does not get better then this in the world of text. The tie in were just fucking exceptional man. So much thought and care went into the creation of this world and that will not be overlooked by anyone who spends 2 minutes reading this verse. If i loose this challenge this month. . it better be to a verse like this one and nothing less. This is the second verse ive read on here tonight that just completely blew my mind. . . damn


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 7:37am
Oh shit. I knew there was more to this than meets the eye cause it had a metaphorical vibe, but I was stumped till I read your explanation which just made it all the more dope. Rhyme scheme wise in all my time on forums I've only seen a few that even attempt to write in that style never mind pull it off successfully. So maintaining that standard while putting together a story is deserving of some major props. Descriptiveness was there throughout. The subtle details made it all the more real, using terms like 'suave silhouette' and 'Transylvanian breeze'. Kinda reminded me of 'Who Killed it?' by Nas on the Hip Hop is Dead album, content wise. So yeah, on the surface it looks dope, but on a second read all the little components make this ill as fuck.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 7:46pm
Dead ass... this shit is flame. Technically on point and your Post spelling out the story is exactly what I had incisions. I had no trouble gathering this. I thought it was clear and creative. Some of the deeper details you explained brought it full circle. I really, really enjoyed this. The creativity was what drove his home. The concept is crazy dope
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Endeavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 January 2017 at 10:20pm
I remember Louis cypher from some movie but for the life of me I cannot remember which one it is. I've read this the day you posted it but didn't find the time to provide a big breakdown. Now I find out you already did :(. When I read this I immediately caught the lucifer and mother of all demons references cuz you know, I love everything religion based. What I did not find out however is how far this story really goes.

For instance I did not know that waitresses in Hollywood are struggling actresses but now that you mention it. I might have heard something like that a lot of full moons ago.

First time I've seen a flow like this anywhere and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also love how the entire verse ties in with the picture. If this was an actual KOTM piece, both you and Ret would've given people hell.

Great job as always, Mr Self.
#Bananas

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Exoduzt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2017 at 3:54am
First off one of the things I admire most about you is your ability to write on the drop of a dime.  For me at least it seems you can just effortlessly put out quality work.  Not just a bunch of drops that are mediocre but actually quality verses that produce substance, are technical and keeps the readers interest every time he/she reads your work.  I find it pretty amazing to be honest.  The flow you have though out this drop is without a doubt unique.  The way you intertwined words with internals and the multi syllable aspect was abstract yet easy to catch on for the reader.  Also the way you made the story so easy to follow with all the writing styles you used is very impressive.  

"Tinsel Town. "Excuse me ma'am I'm Lilith Brown
& I work for Mr. Cypher who demands you sit us down!"
"Are you mad, you see this crowd? Not even Brad
Could get in now. Even with a reservation you'll be
Waiting for a while. But there's always Casa Vega 
& the famous Mr.Chow's." ----the way you made this flow and how you executed staying with the story is pretty impeccable.  Also not to sound like a broken record remember what I told you about your whole doing quote things with people having conversations?...impeccable right here

"Right before I kicked her out, I heard the voice
Of Don Diego, "Get a table for Ms. Brown ...
& a bottle of some vino ... dos lomitos 20 ounce
& make sure it's on the house!""----again fucking impeccable with that shit...I dont think I've seen anyone really do shit like this before.  At least not as fluid as this.  Crazy shit  for real.  

"so I took her
Down the aisle to a corner in the back where 
She was shrouded by the shadows and her
Face was nearly black, she was sneering like a
Cat & her eyes kinda glowed like a photo with the
Flash; as I stumbled in the kitchen for the dishes
& to ask ..."---See I caught the flow in this but I think your structure might confuse some people.  The struc
ture is a bit out of place but the flow is still there dont get me wrong.  Its just hard to catch in this aspect.

"  until she came to Cali
On a mission of "belief", but what happened in between 
Is a mystery it seems, cos the next thing you know
She's the 'Mistress of TV' -- every filthy thing you see
From the hookers to the fiends, all the pornography
To the vulgar imagery, both the monsters & the creeps
The Illuminati symbols and demonic symmetry ...
On the television screen was influenced by producers 
Who she tutored then released on the whole industry"---Dope section rite here.  I felt the flow was a little hard to grasp in the last line or so but still you painted a picture of the story in my head very nicely and thats what I noticed more.

" "But who is Luis Cypher?"; "Girl be careful what you speak!"
"But" ... "Hush ... that's enough, plus they prolly wanna eat"
As he shoved me out the kitchen I was shaking like a leaf
In a Transylvanian breeze, felt a strain within my knees
And a cold bane of sweat as my face began to steam
Cos the closer that I got I could feel the frequencies 
Of "satanic" energies! "---Ok now you really got my attention.  This section really just drew me more into the story and became very intriguing.  

"Lilith who is she...?"
Said a suave silhouette, as his head nodded forward
And our eyes finally met .. he had a bronze kind of red
Like a fire when it danced and upon a second glance
I was lost within his trance .. all my flaws were in his hands
As he charmed me like a snake in Punjab, Pakistan...!
"She's a star .. I'm a fan"... "More like harlot or a tramp".
"No, the next Scarlet Jo, Angelina, or Diaz ... I can see it
If you can't" ..."---WOW!..that writing scheme you got with you actually basing your internal rhyming as you main base and letting the sentence run on  is fucking awesome.  I love your style of writing it really makes me think in a different way when I'm reading it.  It's inspiring to make me want to switch up different writing styles myself.  So is the waitress the one being talked about?  I'm a bit confused here. Ok so the closing section they are talking about the waitress?  And she is stunned that they are actually talking about her like they can make her a star?  So thats why she is kinda like frozen and sucked into their enviorment hence the picture this was written to.  Thats what I got from this.

This was an amazing drop SELF  maybe one of my favorite drops from you to date.  That internal rhyming scheme is something people should be jealous of lol.  also the story telling and you already know how i feel about the whole quote thing.  Props to you on this.







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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2017 at 1:53pm
This is like finding out the guy your girl was cheating with has a bigger dick.
I feel mad inadequate right now.
But at the same time it's like finding life on another planet.
We (the vets) are not alone.

This was incredibly dope, sir.
+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2017 at 2:36pm
Lmao ... bruh

@CHAIN: Glad you liked it, bro. I appreciate the originality in your compliment lol. Good looking out.
@Alice: I just noticed your response. Thanks for feed and the kind words. We're always on the same wavelength.
@Rhet: You still got the KOTM sowed up, bro. But thanks for the inspiration. If you noticed we both did a take on "media"so to speak.
@Goryo: That's one Nas song I don't know, but I'm gonna check it out. Thanks for the props my dude.
@End: The Movie is Angel Heart. That's where I got the template for the character. I figured I wasn't the only one who saw that joint. Thanks for the feed famo.
@iLL: Thanks for the read and feed. This is my take on something I feel like you would write lol. Real talk.
@Exo: Damn, that was a great breakdown. I'm honored, bro. You already know. Thanks for the feed.

OAN

@Cuba: I'm thinking we can turn this into another series. So far this drop has only covered two forums of media -- movies and tv. But what about the music biz, or the world of fashion, or sports, or politics, etc...

What if different orders of demons were put at the head of different forums of industry in a malevolent plot to corrupt humanity?

-Edit- Also, I'm gonna return all the feed. So if I haven't hit a piece of one of yours yet, don't worry. I'll definitely get to it within the next few days.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2017 at 4:46pm
yo on the real, self, i think this is my favorite piece of yours. if not then its gotta be top 3. breakdown when i get home. And fuck ur talent!


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2017 at 1:28am
ok firstly, i'd like to note that Angel Heart is a dope movie! De Niro was ill as hell, ha no pun intended.

you know what i notice? writers, when they are telling a story, their mechanic often suffers. Its almost natural and it makes sense. The one person i know that can tell a story while maintaining high degree of mechanical standard is this dude name Soulstice. Well, now there's two that can pull it off. This was fire on all angles. the creativity of the story. The very intricate rhyme scheme and lastly the consistency of the, again, mechanics. I like the terse approach also. the pacing was very quick which reflects well the frantic, almost thriller-ish tone of the piece. this was great, bro. now write about the OTHER film devil - John Milton. i know you know who he is *cough*Devil's Advocate*cough*


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