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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Topical Twist TWISTER: Exo v Ridley (3-0)
    Posted: 13 January 2017 at 8:01pm
Topical battle
32 line limit
Topic = Pick any one of the five images here (posting your chosen image BEFORE your verse)
Deadline = Midnight, TWO weeks from today
.


Edited by Endeavor - 04 February 2017 at 11:41am
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 January 2017 at 11:41pm

"Just another face in the crowd"

My Social cold demeanor really put the frost in my sails-
High School party invites musta got lost in the mail-
Or tossed in  tha' pail-  My confidence & I cautiously failed-
I wasn't Susan, Lip gloss on,  a boss with her nails-
I had taped rim glasses but  I was really bad in math-
A Social out cast so I never raised my hand in class-
The saddest fact, is my home life wasn't any different-
It was "hey kid do the fuckin' dishes & make sure they glisten"-
With my pureness missing, I just needed someone to talk to-
A different school without the fools,  seperate halls to walk through-
A couple times I thought maybe I should end my life-
 I just needed companionship but no friend in sight-
I guess I'm less than liked, this thought is why I have no rest at night-
I'm nothing at home or school, sucks I had to learn that lesson twice-
I started lashing out as my counselors said I wasn't acting right-
Died my hair black, stopped eating,  my lack of appetite-
A tragic sight, I died on the inside plus  I look like the after life-
Within my mind I started thinking of horrible fierce things-
I got Satanic scripture tattoo's with multiple piercings-
Fuck their pointing,  I wish I could hit these bitches till they get whip lash-
So I listen to death metal, practicing different types of witchcraft-
Voodoo dolls with the pins in em mixed with satanic rituals-
I wont stop until they feel my pain & the whole planets miserable-
Your all considered lambs to me but who do I choose for the slaughter-
I'll be the ruthless bombarder as you pawns call me Luciphers daughter-
The truth is I'm smarter, than you thought I was so go tell a friend-
I'm the anti christ, its  a frantic sight when I raise hell again-
Everyone ignored me and I wished that life would just stop it-
Today I walk through the halls with this knife in my pocket-
Till I found Susan at her locker and shoved it right in her socket-
She screamed as she laid on the ground, blood sprayin' around-
Thats what you get for thinking I'm just another face in the crowd!-



Edited by Endeavor - 31 January 2017 at 8:20pm

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 January 2017 at 12:01am


When we crashed into their planet at a thousand miles a second
They rebuilt the human race from books they found amongst the wreckage
Using crooked-ass aesthetics, based on cubist abstract tenets
As the blueprints for the duping of our looks and our genetics
And they gave us a new home, just like a map of Nevada
Till they terraformed the desert from the cactus and caca ...
Using books about Surrealism, Abstraction and Dada
And now I'm living in a Land that is actually La La!

I'm a Daliesque-Picasso, so I'm turning to laugh ..
... the other side of my face, while I twirl my moustache
I'm sitting in the middle of Guernica's heart ...
Lighting cigarettes off a burning Giraffe

It's certainly hard ... but sympathy ebbs ...
When you try to cross a landscape full of fingers and eggs
On the back of giant elephants with spindly legs ...
and you realise it's 23:56 after an extended deadline and you are way short on the line count but that's understandable cos you only started today, and considered no showing, but did you best ... Peace and all the best Exo.

PROLOGUE:
One man met his makers and with, His Last Breath
Asked about the sacred books and, This God Said...
There were more upon the spaceship
Upon which we could have based it ...
But History and Religion seemed a Bit Far-Fetched

Edited by Cuba - 31 January 2017 at 8:04pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 February 2017 at 8:42pm

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Let's do this.

EXO:

Quote
My Social cold demeanor really put the frost in my sails-
High School party invites musta got lost in the mail-
Or tossed in  tha' pail-  My confidence & I cautiously failed-
I wasn't Susan, Lip gloss on,  a boss with her nails-

Pretty standard opening given the context of your verse BUT there's something about it, man. It flows well, pretty vivid as I am able to picture the setting and fits the anonymity of the picture well. I also see what you did there with the word pail. Pretty nifty, Exoman.

Quote
I had taped rim glasses but  I was really bad in math-
A Social out cast so I never raised my hand in class-

For some reason the second line does not work for me flow wise if I'm to keep the structure of the first two bars. I liked the first line, though. This person isn't your typical "nerd everyone hates."

Quote
The saddest fact, is my home life wasn't any different-
It was "hey kid do the fuckin' dishes & make sure they glisten"-
With my pureness missing, I just needed someone to talk to-
A different school without the fools,  seperate halls to walk through-

Love this section, it's dope. There is something which has been bothering me, though. It's the word "glisten." For the life of me I can not figure out if it's better for the flow as "glisten" or "glistenin." To me "glistenin" sounds better but I'm still not sure. Grrrr.

Quote
A couple times I thought maybe I should end my life-
I just needed companionship but no friend in sight-
I guess I'm less than liked, this thought is why I have no rest at night-
I'm nothing at home or school, sucks I had to learn that lesson twice-
I started lashing out as my counselors said I wasn't acting right-
Died my hair black, stopped eating,  my lack of appetite-
A tragic sight, I died on the inside plus  I look like the after life-

Not much to say other than #fire. Really, really dope, man.

Quote
Within my mind I started thinking of horrible fierce things-
I got Satanic scripture tattoo's with multiple piercings-

Ok, riddle me this. How do you write something which is really dope and then come up with the first line in the section I just quoted. "Horrible fierce things?" This is the first time I caught you forcing a multi and the line just doesn't fit the narrative, bro. *slap*

Quote
Fuck their pointing,  I wish I could hit these bitches till they get whip lash-
So I listen to death metal, practicing different types of witchcraft-
Voodoo dolls with the pins in em mixed with satanic rituals-
I wont stop until they feel my pain & the whole planets miserable-

Haha, I was waiting for the classic Exo to show up. You didn't disappoint, lol. I like it.

Quote
Your all considered lambs to me but who do I choose for the slaughter-
I'll be the ruthless bombarder as you pawns call me Luciphers daughter-
The truth is I'm smarter, than you thought I was so go tell a friend-
I'm the anti christ, its  a frantic sight when I raise hell again-

Not particularly engaging in the sense of having a sick twist or whatever. But it fits and I fuck with it. I like how she pretty much completely lost it and went Columbine on em.

Quote
Everyone ignored me and I wished that life would just stop it-
Today I walk through the halls with this knife in my pocket-
Till I found Susan at her locker and shoved it right in her socket-
She screamed as she laid on the ground, blood sprayin' around-
Thats what you get for thinking I'm just another face in the crowd!-

While the ending is dope, it wasn't satisfying to me as a closure. The reason for that was her targeting Susan while there were so many more people involved. I think it would have been better if you gave more information about her as it felt kind of random. The story itself was presented dope and I quite enjoyed it.

RIDLEY:


Quote
When we crashed into their planet at a thousand miles a second
They rebuilt the human race from books they found amongst the wreckage 
Using crooked-ass aesthetics, based on cubist abstract tenets
As the blueprints for the duping of our looks and our genetics

You, sir, caught my attention. I have no idea where we're going but I'm sure it's going to be amazing.

Quote
And they gave us a new home, just like a map of Nevada
Till they terraformed the desert from the cactus and caca ...
Using books about Surrealism, Abstraction and Dada
And now I'm living in a Land that is actually La La!


If my interpretation of this is correct (based off of the last line) then it's fucking dope what you did here. The rhyming was pretty slick too. Great employed multi's made it flow and sound dope and let you get away with rhyming words such as "dada."

Quote
I'm a Daliesque-Picasso, so I'm turning to laugh ..
... the other side of my face, while I twirl my moustache
I'm sitting in the middle of Guernica's heart ...
Lighting cigarettes off a burning Giraffe

Okay. Daliesque-Picasso is... Redundant as both works are somewhat similar because of the surrealism (I see the connection to the opening segment now. Well played.) Guernica is the famous anti-war mural of Picasso which has no Giraffe but a horse. And fire. So you got me confused as you obviously know there is no Giraffe in the mural. Yet you mention it. Maybe I'm overthinking it but I can't figure it out. It's actually pissing me off too because the writing is dope.

Quote
It's certainly hard ... but sympathy ebbs ...
When you try to cross a landscape full of fingers and eggs
On the back of giant elephants with spindly legs ...

Another phenomenal reference to a painting. This time "The Elephants" by Dali. You are indeed Daliesque-Picasso. If I recall correctly the symbolism behind the painting was some sort of a phantom reality. Contrasting weightlessness with buildings, or structures rather. This then once again is a throwback to the opening verse. As that shit is surreal as well. Dope.

Quote
and you realise it's 23:56 after an extended deadline and you are way short on the line count but that's understandable cos you only started today, and considered no showing, but did you best ... Peace and all the best Exo.

Lmao. Typical Ridley.

Quote
One man met his makers and with, His Last Breath
Asked about the sacred books and, This God Said...
There were more upon the spaceship
Upon which we could have based it ...
But History and Religion seemed a Bit Far-Fetched

You're confusing as hell, man... I get it but at the same time I don't get it. I just have too many questions about this but at the same time its so captivating that it's pissing me off that I can't find the deeper meaning while at the same time I think I got it. <- That was like the longest and weirdest sentence ever but you get me. Send me a PM explaining the parts that went over my head as I'm dying to know. All in all, what I did get fit perfectly with the picture.

MVGT: Exo by a small margin.

Both pieces fit the pictures well. So go you, guys!

I thought that Ridley' verse was infinitely more interesting and captivating than Exo's because of the references and metaphors but I feel that Exo presented the story better. It was clear from start to finish and with Ridley I still have too many questions. If you know something about the code of ethics for writers then these are the four most important:

1. Honesty;
2. Loyal;
3. Fair;
4. Competence.

So, I got the first three down but I have my doubts about the fourth because the meaning of your verse went completely over my head. But since I got the first three down I think I'm competent enough to vote for Exo, lol. Guess what, since I'm competent now I got all four down. Heyooooo.

#Bananas

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 February 2017 at 12:09am

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When we crashed into their planet at a thousand miles a second
They rebuilt the human race from books they found amongst the wreckage 
..........
Wow, this opener really drew me in, I just liked the potential vision in the concept and the rhyming was cool
..........

Using crooked-ass aesthetics, based on cubist abstract tenets
As the blueprints for the duping of our looks and our genetics
And they gave us a new home, just like a map of Nevada
Till they terraformed the desert from the cactus and caca ...
Using books about Surrealism, Abstraction and Dada
And now I'm living in a Land that is actually La La!
.......
I like but I can already tell this is going nowhere, but it's a shame because the potential is there, some of the word choice is really engaging
......


I'm a Daliesque-Picasso, so I'm turning to laugh ..
... the other side of my face, while I twirl my moustache
I'm sitting in the middle of Guernica's heart ...
Lighting cigarettes off a burning Giraffe
........
So it just goes off the chart here and I realise that this is not going to deliver
......

It's certainly hard ... but sympathy ebbs ...
When you try to cross a landscape full of fingers and eggs
On the back of giant elephants with spindly legs ...
and you realise it's 23:56 after an extended deadline and you are way short on the line count but that's understandable cos you only started today, and considered no showing, but did you best ... Peace and all the best Exo.
.....
Ah ok bro I see you, props on showing out on something regardless, this did have potential to be dope but I def understand and appreciate the problems of time constraints
.....

PROLOGUE:
One man met his makers and with, His Last Breath
Asked about the sacred books and, This God Said...
There were more upon the spaceship
Upon which we could have based it ...
But History and Religion seemed a Bit Far-Fetched



"Just another face in the crowd"

My Social cold demeanor really put the frost in my sails-
High School party invites musta got lost in the mail-
Or tossed in tha' pail- My confidence & I cautiously failed-
I wasn't Susan, Lip gloss on, a boss with her nails-
I had taped rim glasses but I was really bad in math-
A Social out cast so I never raised my hand in class-
The saddest fact, is my home life wasn't any different-
It was "hey kid do the fuckin' dishes & make sure they glisten"-
With my pureness missing, I just needed someone to talk to-
A different school without the fools, seperate halls to walk through-
,.......,........
I liked this opening set, rhyming/timing was spot on and I feel like we have started to develop a character and theme.
My only concern comes from reading a lot of your work!! Are you gonna do predictable EXO here?
,.......................
A couple times I thought maybe I should end my life-
I just needed companionship but no friend in sight-
I guess I'm less than liked, this thought is why I have no rest at night-
I'm nothing at home or school, sucks I had to learn that lesson twice-
I started lashing out as my counselors said I wasn't acting right-
Died my hair black, stopped eating, my lack of appetite-
A tragic sight, I died on the inside plus I look like the after life-
................
Yeah it's Exo playing it safe l feel!
Nothing wrong with that, but like I said from my perspective it's all gonna be predictable from here in...
After life works but otherwise I think you have lost sight of the picture and gone into auto mode
Some very good rhyming on display regardless
..................


Within my mind I started thinking of horrible fierce things-
I got Satanic scripture tattoo's with multiple piercings-
.......
There is no escaping the "fierce things/piercings" felt forced!
What is a horrible fierce things anyway? It's generic And not engaging enough wording from someone with your writing ability
.............

Fuck their pointing, I wish I could hit these bitches till they get whip lash-
So I listen to death metal, practicing different types of witchcraft-
Voodoo dolls with the pins in em mixed with satanic rituals-
I wont stop until they feel my pain & the whole planets miserable-
Your all considered lambs to me but who do I choose for the slaughter-
.............
It's right there bruv! I already knew someone was gonna die!^^^
...............

I'll be the ruthless bombarder as you pawns call me Luciphers daughter-
The truth is I'm smarter, than you thought I was so go tell a friend-
I'm the anti christ, its a frantic sight when I raise hell again-
Everyone ignored me and I wished that life would just stop it-
Today I walk through the halls with this knife in my pocket-
Till I found Susan at her locker and shoved it right in her socket-
......
Didn't like the word choice "bombarder" or the rhyming of pocket/socket
...............
She screamed as she laid on the ground, blood sprayin' around-
Thats what you get for thinking I'm just another face in the crowd!-

..........
Ending really was expected here fam, just feel you used the picture as book ends to this piece
Story mode is not the only way to interpret a picture!
But admittedly it is one way
Rhyming and flow was really good as expected I enjoyed those elements a lot
Storyline had too much but not enough if that makes sense
Overall it's good but I felt you failed to encapsulate a significant vibe
It's like I was never kept guessing, but always knew!!
I think if you had taken a different approach you could have killed this,

Vote has to go to Exo here
I had some advice for him regarding the drop but can't deny he obviously put the work in here
Many aspects contained in his work I was feeling, 
Vote Exo for coming through with the work

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 February 2017 at 7:12am

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Exo:
"Just another face in the crowd"

My Social cold demeanor really put the frost in my sails-
High School party invites musta got lost in the mail-
Or tossed in  tha' pail-  My confidence & I cautiously failed-
I wasn't Susan, Lip gloss on,  a boss with her nails-
I had taped rim glasses but  I was really bad in math-
A Social out cast so I never raised my hand in class-
The saddest fact, is my home life wasn't any different-
It was "hey kid do the fuckin' dishes & make sure they glisten"-
This is a good opener, I like where your going with this topic...... Your flow was great, good use of multies.....  Your creativity is on point, and your painting a good picture for your story, nice opener.....
With my pureness missing, I just needed someone to talk to-
A different school without the fools,  seperate halls to walk through-
A couple times I thought maybe I should end my life-
 I just needed companionship but no friend in sight-
I guess I'm less than liked, this thought is why I have no rest at night-
I'm nothing at home or school, sucks I had to learn that lesson twice-
I started lashing out as my counselors said I wasn't acting right-
Died my hair black, stopped eating,  my lack of appetite-
A tragic sight, I died on the inside plus  I look like the after life-
Damn good imagery bro, your creativity is staying on point..... I can literally picture a kid that feels useless, both having a lack of friendships and a terrible home life.....  Your definately taking this topic and nailing it, good work so far.....
Within my mind I started thinking of horrible fierce things-
I got Satanic scripture tattoo's with multiple piercings-
Fuck their pointing,  I wish I could hit these bitches till they get whip lash-
So I listen to death metal, practicing different types of witchcraft-
Voodoo dolls with the pins in em mixed with satanic rituals-
I wont stop until they feel my pain & the whole planets miserable-
Your all considered lambs to me but who do I choose for the slaughter-
I'll be the ruthless bombarder as you pawns call me Luciphers daughter-
This section was raw, definately the highlight of the verse.....  You were very descriptive, creative, and had excellent imagery here.....  The flow was dope and on point...... Your set up and delivery was nice, just a tight few bars homie, great work......
The truth is I'm smarter, than you thought I was so go tell a friend-
I'm the anti christ, its  a frantic sight when I raise hell again-
Everyone ignored me and I wished that life would just stop it-
Today I walk through the halls with this knife in my pocket-
Till I found Susan at her locker and shoved it right in her socket-
She screamed as she laid on the ground, blood sprayin' around-
Thats what you get for thinking I'm just another face in the crowd!-
Wow, great ending......  This was definately a twist on this verse.... I didn't see that coming, very creative...... I could literally see a teenage girl that was pushed to her limit and snapped, great ending....

Overall this was a great read, I enjoyed this piece from beginning to end...... You took that picture, gave it a title, and nailed the topic..... You threw a great twist in there at the end, one I did not see coming..... This was one of the best verses I have ever read from you, you done a wonderful job with this piece...... Great use of multies to make your flow shine...... The whole verse flowed smoothly, great work......  You were very creative, definately took a topic, that is actually something that happens far too often today in real life...... I could literally see something like this happening with kids today, you know an outcast that has a poor home life and is constantly bullied in school until they reach a breaking point.....  You put great work and effort into this piece, and I enjoyed this entire verse from start to finish, good work homie.....


Ridley:
When we crashed into their planet at a thousand miles a second
They rebuilt the human race from books they found amongst the wreckage 
Using crooked-ass aesthetics, based on cubist abstract tenets
As the blueprints for the duping of our looks and our genetics
And they gave us a new home, just like a map of Nevada
Till they terraformed the desert from the cactus and caca ...
Using books about Surrealism, Abstraction and Dada
And now I'm living in a Land that is actually La La!
Okay, decent opener.....  A little slow getting into the story, but I'm starting to see where your going with this topic, not bad...... good vocab......
I'm a Daliesque-Picasso, so I'm turning to laugh ..
... the other side of my face, while I twirl my moustache
I'm sitting in the middle of Guernica's heart ...
Lighting cigarettes off a burning Giraffe
Not really feeling this little section.... Lighting cigs from a burning giraffe?  What??  Not sure what you were going for there, but I'm not feeling it homie.....
It's certainly hard ... but sympathy ebbs ...
When you try to cross a landscape full of fingers and eggs
On the back of giant elephants with spindly legs ...
I feel like your bouncing all over the place, not really staying on topic bro...... Not even sure if you have a topic in mind, not even sure what any of this has to do with the picture, unless dude just smoked pcp and is tripping, lol.....
PROLOGUE:
One man met his makers and with, His Last Breath
Asked about the sacred books and, This God Said...
There were more upon the spaceship
Upon which we could have based it ...
But History and Religion seemed a Bit Far-Fetched
Okay, this was the best part of your verse..... I liked it, the flow was good, and it was creative..... Nice little ending

Overall this verse seemed all over the place for me homie..... I don't feel like you stayed on topic like you should have..... Not even sure what the topic is on this verse, unless dude is just on a trip, you know...... You were definately creative, because there is some off the wall shit in this verse, but I don't feel like most of it went with the theme of the picture you chose...... Your verse was also super short, which hurt you in this battle too...... I know you can drop a better topical verse then this homie, this was a poor showing from you...... Lack of effort, and a lack of story telling, disappointed in your verse overall for real, you could have done a lot better of a job with this picture.......


Vote- Exo

My reason for voting for Exo was the fact that he killed his verse..... This was one of the best topical verses I have read from him, and enjoyed it from start to finish...... He took an everyday problem in today's world and made a dope verse out of it, with a realistic ending that happens all the time in real life...... As to were Ridley was all over the place in his verse, not really staying on topic and didn't even drop a full verse...... So this was a pretty easy decision for me to chose who won this battle...... Good drop Exo, keep dropping verses like this and your going to be hard to beat, great work......
Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3
Regular Text= 0-1
Alias= 0-1
Topical= 1-0
Horrorcore= 1-0

Overall= 3-5
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2017 at 11:26am
3-0 KO to Exo
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