Open Mic: A Fallen Comrade |
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intrikit
Newbie I am Vib. Klean Joined: 11 September 2015 Status: Offline Points: 370 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-4-0 Form: WLLLL |
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Posted: 16 January 2017 at 2:52am |
http://www.newyorker.com/wp-/uploads/2016/09/Markowitz-Captive-Prison-Market-1200.jpg - ^^ (PIc won't post but thats the pic I used for the topic) these bars are not pretend...they're sacred like a monastery very honest thoughts about a fallen friend, let's call him Jerry As he's calling me collect, I'm reading books by Machiavelli Kicking back with a stack of 20's in hand, for commissary. in 7th grade you were a different creature, I recall A teen not involved with street life, and drug Czars you are -- an obese bundle of bluff with good intentions, Then suddenly he hung out with thugs, and got arrested What possessed him? Hes 18 now, thus charged as felon apprehended by detectives, processed, put in detention from the pen, i heard his ripe voice, and felt his full stress, A reflection of my own - no direction, it mirrored his whole mess Said his lesson was learned, and that he set his time by benching' while suggesting' he could body anyone who ever pressed him Then he mentioned that his presence in a cage had made him reckless and defensive, for the record, had to carve himself a weapon cuz on one unexpected day some dude tried stepping so he decked em' And got sliced trying to block a knife from dicing his midsection, thus his sentence prolonged, from aggravated assault With good behavior, maybe they'll allocate his time short But why the fuck was my guy in there from the start? His mother prostituted but he embodied light, not the dark What happened was , he took the blame for his boys Holding that thing at the scene, so he got framed for the noise, But his crew won't snitch, they'll take the truth to the ditch... til his bitch ass friend turned him in like a trick investigated, the snake folded once pressure was on I thought the only sex who did this had breasts and wore thongs Jerry raised his hand in class, got every question correct during tests, helping me pass when I was guessing instead In the end, this is what happens, when there's no option left impoverished,thoughts stuck on "not hitting the lotto yet" My hearts hollow, but for every tomorrow, I've bottled in, days that still haunt me - bodys dropping, god awful sins. Edited by intrikit - 16 January 2017 at 2:58am |
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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Tried to pull up that link, but it said weblink page not found..... So I don't really wanna give feedback til I see the pic, can you try to copy n paste the link again homie......
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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Verse
Newbie Joined: 09 January 2017 Location: NY Status: Offline Points: 14 |
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Nice story. I liked the topic you went with. It was a bit confusing in one spot..
"His mother prostituted but he embodied light, not the dark" I personally didnt understand it? Overall you had a nice flow that was easy to follow. And again i enjoyed the story. |
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intrikit
Newbie I am Vib. Klean Joined: 11 September 2015 Status: Offline Points: 370 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-4-0 Form: WLLLL |
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[QUOTE=S Dubb] Tried to pull up that link, but it said weblink page not found..... So I don't really wanna give feedback til I see the pic, can you try to copy n paste the link again homie......
The image wont post, not sure why...i tried using the image upload thing, it didnt work. Its a pic of an inmate calling from a prison phone. |
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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You should try the BB codes with a direct link to the page where the picture is located.
Example: [IMG][/IMG] Edit: failed example lol. I'll fix it for you as soon as I get home. |
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#Bananas
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intrikit
Newbie I am Vib. Klean Joined: 11 September 2015 Status: Offline Points: 370 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-4-0 Form: WLLLL |
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tried to pm you but i cant. anyway i tried every method and still couldn't post it. |
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Works fine for me
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#bananas
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