Open Mic: [Word Drop #7] Wal-Mart Love

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    Posted: 18 January 2017 at 9:16pm
Aisle 8 at walmart, sanguine mood, stocking the shelves.
Notice the pulchritude of this bitch by the fish sticks, size of a whale.
Condom in my wallet is a relic, my sex life a mirage
Lonely since that massage from uncle carl in mom's garage
Her shirt a love handle tourniquet, belt is about to detonate
I'll keep my depravity a secret, hope this bitch will cooperate
She's within grasp but I'm approaching a disaster
She farted so hard it knocked my name placard backwards
Dazed from shockwaves I'm out, hasta la vista
She literally turned shart into an onomatopoeia

Edited by NBread - 18 January 2017 at 9:26pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 January 2017 at 11:06pm
This was really nice. The beginning was rather slow, as I think, but you picked it up quite well from the 'garage' and 'depravity' part onwards. Really enjoyed the layered approach in this. Some of the references you employed were pretty humorous, and I thought you depicted the 'insight' of a scene here in a rather original and entertaining way. The ending brought an interesting 'closure' to the overall narrative. Good work.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 January 2017 at 3:07pm
lol the ending just kills me. Didnt see the legendary fart coming.

On a serious note i enjoyed my read.Good job
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote NBread Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 January 2017 at 5:17pm
Thank you guys. I truly appreciate it.
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Sammy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 January 2017 at 3:15am
lol! great entry, my man. not sure if anyone else went the humor route but, yeah this was certainly noteworthy lol


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote HI-Z Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 January 2017 at 4:36am
I agree with Alice the first few bars were a bit rough, but you turned up the heat towards the end. My faviort part was the detonate/cooperate stanza, you have some talent man. Looking forward to seeing some more of your work in the future. catch ya later
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