Open Mic: Leave you hanging |
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Amgin
Groupie Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
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Posted: 02 February 2017 at 2:41am |
You were one of my best friends, someone very close to me,
never did I think four years later your grip of death would be choking me I always knew you were a little different, but what ever, momma taught me to love, When you told me you were gay, I shrugged it off, maybe I just didn't want to accept it, could say It was almost expected, the way you matched your shoes with the rest of it You moved in, summer of 2014, Was the best worst day lookin back, hindsight, didn't expect 8 months later Id be savin your life Next thing you know I'm holding all your baggage, family and feelings, mental disorders and heavy breathing, panic attacks hit you on the daily, pills turn to more pills, But Nothings phasing, soul is swaying, eliminating My best friends life is slowly fading, disintegrating Then you drop the Bomb on me, You say I'm the only one you wanna be with, I'm your world That you'd slit your wrist If you ever saw me with a girl My bodies frozen sitting on this couch, rigour mortis, GET ME OUT I couldn't stay in the house, couldn't shake the sight of him always watching my mouth what's he thinking of? back off me! I'm trapped in this place, need to clear my head, safe space But I can't afford rent on my own, living with the devil, got me feelin alone he's on cloud 9, cause his brain is fried, cause he's always high, cause he wants to die 3am there's a noise in the kitchen, blood on the floor, from his leg, he's drippin, Scooping meds out his mouth like he's got a dip in Copenhagen cause he can't cope with every day he's livin foaming at the mouth, no rhymes but he's spittin Suspicious tendencies got you trippin, hacking my phone and laptop you break in, Reading my messages to see what ladies I've been hittin, You're at the end of your wits, your patience runnin thin, bipolar meds ain't kickin in saying if I don't stop it'll be my fault for the grave you're in Talking to someone I couldn't deny, her body was too tight not to try, But you heard me, Door slams "I hate you man" but I've heard it all before, these words hold no meaning anymore I get up to make chicken and rice, your vanity keeps you feeling alright, Knock at your door, dinner is ready, no cursing no fights? Maybe it'll be a peaceful night?.. But This was strange to see, even when he's mad at me.. I check outside the front door, your car was still here, so you had to be inside this eery atmosphere Open your door, room is vacant, closet door closed hiding everything that's forsaken I can still remember opening it up, and seeing you hung up, an old white tee And to this day, YOU STILL HAVENT FUCKING THANKED ME I cut you down, called 9-1-1, did everything i was supposed to, Called your mom so she could come take care and console you, 3 years later now, we don't talk anymore PTSD keeping me up, can't sleep no more, Even tho I've moved out, the devil is still knocking at my door, But Some days I sit here contemplating, if I did the right thing or if I should of left you hanging |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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on one hand, i thoroughly enjoy the brutal honesty in this piece. I always appreciate when someone is willing to open up and share a moment of their life. .good or bad, happy or tragic. emotionally charged verses always brings out the best in peoples work
on the fundamentals side of things, i see room for a lot of improvements. Your wording and you schemes need tightened up mainly. you have the mind for writing, its just delivered with rough mechanics. alot of areas i really cant even make out rhymes. just keep dialing it in and you will get there. capture a better flow. it will greatly improve your lyrics
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Jaz-Cat
Groupie Joined: 03 July 2016 Location: Bishop Lavis, Cape Town Status: Offline Points: 47 |
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Yo, dis is Jaz-Cat
I might be old-school but what I'm lookin' at is your penmanship struggle, don't stop. Keep it up, tryna experiment with penmanship styles you could see in some tutorials in here I hope ya pen gon' be in da high-ranked level up where ya dream fo'. This is Jaz-Cat bouncin' out, don't give up, One
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