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S Dubb 
Groupie 
Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
 Topic: [Text] S Dubb vs Exoduzt (0-3)Posted: 08 February 2017 at 8:14pm |
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10 lines, 5 bars
Due by Friday 11:59 eastern time rest is self explainatory Check in and let's get this poppin..... Let me know if due date is cool with you, we can drop sooner or later, just let me know..... good luck homie......
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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S Dubb
Groupie
Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
Posted: 11 February 2017 at 4:29am |
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My first day Finally I'm released, 20 years later I'm over being Dragged on a Leash... Garb a knife Stab two or Three times watch him bleed Bad in the Streets... Puddles on puddles fill the neighbors drive, death'll be your Savior this Time... I'll serve you the "L," slowly losing consious, I wont be your Server this Crime... Laughing at the gashes all over your head covering your Chest and Stomach... Fuck being quite! You want more? I'll do the Rest in Public! As I Disect this Youngin'... Chop into Pieces! Organs and guts... Body parts I'm disposing til I Stop your Brethin'... Fuck Freddy bitch! Your fucking with me this hoe most have Forgotten Freedom... I'll end your Life Quick! Seeing the aftermath of this fag none can Deny It... The orgrans I've removed you'd think I recieved some sort of medical License... Fuck your verse, dawg don't even Try It....... Sorry I used 10 1/2...... My fault bro, good luck......
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member 
NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Posted: 11 February 2017 at 5:10pm |
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Shock value... I'm a devil's reject, born in the house of a 1000 corpses- Only kill so victims scream my name I like to sound important- My heart is devoted to blood and it really hurts my chest- I jack off on baby pictures and the scent of burning flesh- I'm not concerned or stressed I'll have fun in an instant- Children are like snowflakes cus everyone is different!- I'm cut throat use veins for jump ropes I'm a rabid dude- Torture the elderly and infants while dressed in a rabbit suit!- Horror core isn't just about blood & gore so don't stray to his nonsense- It's about shock value and touching your child plus what you say in the process- Shock value... |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator 
Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 12 February 2017 at 10:16am |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Whoa,this horrorcore tussle is the best i've read in a long time..props guys.. Dubb... Finally I'm released, 20 years later I'm over being Dragged on a Leash... Garb a knife Stab two or Three times watch him bleed Bad in the Streets... Puddles on puddles fill the neighbors drive, death'll be your Savior this Time... I'll serve you the "L," slowly losing consious, I wont be your Server this Crime... (nice start here,straight from the off your segment has sprite,plus the tempo was good via multi's in this also,liked how you linked being released at the start to not going back to prison at the end of this segment,gave this part a loose story vibe,your verse seems to be literally aimed rather than just spouting out some lines containing gore,it had a battle slant with it, (the handing out of L's,so far so good..) Laughing at the gashes all over your head covering your Chest and Stomach... Fuck being quite! You want more? I'll do the Rest in Public! As I Disect this Youngin'... Chop into Pieces! Organs and guts... Body parts I'm disposing til I Stop your Brethin'... Fuck Freddy bitch! Your fucking with me this hoe most have Forgotten Freedom... I'll end your Life Quick! Seeing the aftermath of this fag none can Deny It... The orgrans I've removed you'd think I recieved some sort of medical License... Fuck your verse, dawg don't even Try It....... (i'll give you credit for keeping this verse from being repetitive,as on the norm with horrorcore pieces,that problem seems to go hand in hand via the nature of the contents,the fact you made this a battle orientated piece was a good move here,as this gave the verse scope to come with different angles,and not weighted down by being to direct and ridgid,so well played there for doing that,on the whole a good verse with enjoyment factor on reading entow..well done. Exoduzt.. I'm a devil's reject, born in the house of a 1000 corpses- Only kill so victims scream my name I like to sound important- My heart is devoted to blood and it really hurts my chest- I jack off on baby pictures and the scent of burning flesh- I'm not concerned or stressed I'll have fun in an instant- Children are like snowflakes cus everyone is different!- (first off this came off as smooth via flow here,and the opening line was good,as it gave a clear indication of what's coming,but not in a predictable way,more in the way of setting the tone so to speak,I had to look at the alias twice here as this had the shock content that Mr Dizzle himself brings with his pieces,lol..Jacking off on baby pictures,damn bro that sent a tingerling to the back of my neck on reading,and that comparison about how kids are all different like Snowflakes,damn is all I can say on that..) I'm cut throat use veins for jump ropes I'm a rabid dude- Torture the elderly and infants while dressed in a rabbit suit!- Horror core isn't just about blood & gore so don't stray to his nonsense- It's about shock value and touching your child plus what you say in the process- (a really good closing segment here,kind of an educational vibe into horrorcore,this piece has been good in content and shock value really,it has for me has hit the spot, without the over the top gore,the read itself felt fluent and fluid,the vibe was set and delivered well also,good work..) Ok overall I think Exo brought another element to this battle,rather than just using gore,he gave us shock,which I must say worked well for me here,that little inclusion really stood out,and in many ways made this piece heaps better,Dubb you didn't do a lot wrong in this battle,your verse was also good,just Exo had another level to his drop,props to both here for enjoyable reads.. Vote...Exoduzt..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member
Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
Posted: 23 February 2017 at 5:42pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. S DUBB Opener, Well it was pretty basic. I see that you have a nice scheme and the flow wasnt that bad. Second bar is ehh, "Server this crime"? Im not feeling the way this was worded. Still flow is on point and mecanics are down pat. The verse starts to pick up on the third bar and i enjoyed that 3rd bar. Overall i thought your verse was generic. I wanted more desciptive gore. You are mechanically on point but i wanted more fucked up shit. i wanted to be able to visualize the gore in this. Good verse though just didnt bring me in and i didnt feel disturbed enough Exodust Nice opener, i like the scream name important part. Ok, see if i said that shit i would be called a pedo. I jack off on baby pictures? That is nasty. Good gore/perv type shit for shock. A good amount of imagery and desciption. Flow and mechanics is typical Exodust. That jump rope line was clever. You seem to go borderline crazy in your horrorcore pieces. Always a pleasent read. I think the only issue i have is that it wasnt longer. I hate short verse battles. You really cant open up and get into depth. Ending was nice also. Overall - MVGT EXODUST. His verse had more desciptive gore and shock to it. The lines with child in it and the vein line was nice. Overall this was a pretty good battle but my vote stand. S Dubb just needed more fucked up shit in it. |
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alicewonder
Standard Member 
Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
Posted: 23 February 2017 at 9:58pm |
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This vote has been accepted by a moderator. S Dubb - Your opening segment read more like a story in the sense that it felt like you introduced a narrative rather than setting the (shocking) scenery (as I'd expect from a horror core battle). Towards the middle section, you kind of changed your approach to a more direct one, though. You had some vivid imagery and vibrant phraseologies, but only a few of them were tangible enough, like the 'chop into pieces' bar. But even that one didn't really carry a 'shock element' as you fell back into the pattern of the tale-like approach in your following bar. I think overall, it was a well written verse. I'd just have liked to see some more relevant references with some sort of authenticity to it. At some spaces, there was a lack of emotion which a battle like this should evoke. Exoduzt - Although this was somewhat more straightforward scheme-wise compared to your other verses, your approach was different (compared to S Dubb's). You were also very direct in general. I think you 'fulfilled' the criteria here by moving up a notch. Calling it just 'shock value' would be too little of a word to describe your ending. As I said, it was different. Overall, I think S Dubb was too vague with his references, and it felt more like reading a story opposed to 'seeing' a graphic depiction. Exoduzt's was slightly shorter, yet filled with all the necessary elements. Vote - Exoduzt |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Posted: 23 February 2017 at 10:05pm |
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3-0 KO
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