Open Mic: Life Upside Down! |
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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Posted: 11 February 2017 at 12:44pm |
Excitement Died Out when I turned my Life Upside Down... Constantly facing struggles but earning the Right to Fight Now... Visions Blur, while my mind tries to endulge on the Written Word... Livin' Hurts, yet these constant struggles I suffer I've Witnessed Worse... Givin this Timid Curse, where tragic struggles Constantly Occurs... Spewing terms that dispurse from nauseous Vomiting lil' Slurs... Stopping my Verse, only to deliver the inner Ambitions I Need... Invision, Believe! Imprisoned By Greed because of Decision's I Meet... Incisions so Deep blood spews like a fountain Spraying Liquid... Today I Live It! Daily struggles I face remain to Staying Wicked... Family members entered being deceased without Prior Warning... Another Liar Forming to the foundation of another Fire Scorching... Desire Soaring, another start Tired, Boring, and a Lack of Interest... Fact I'm Bitter, Stressed! While problems constantly Stacking In Your Chest... Rapping When I Flex! Showing out aggressively Handling Tempers... Fight to Wined Down when my Life's Upside Down unexpectantly losing Family Members... Uncle died before the Days that Remained, Momma Preys for A Change... The rest of my family is deceased or locked up and Staying Obtained... I'm sick and demented, mentally twisted, my Life is Twisted... My Mind is Explicit, life upside down, suggest it Time to End It... I Write so Timid! Well known because I'm so Wickid... Rhyming Sick Shit, when I live to commit Crime's I Commit.....
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Nice piece,I'll leave detailed feed for this when I get off this horrendous train journey home,just been bumped again,no bleeding seats and I hate rail travel aahhh..sorry,
peace bro. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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This was nice dubb...
Overall I thought this was one of your bet verses. Your vocab was nice and your rhyme schemes were pretty smooth which kept the flow on point. I liked this part... Visions Blur, while my mind tries to endulge on the Written Word... Livin' Hurts, yet these constant struggles I suffer I've Witnessed Worse... Givin this Timid Curse, where tragic struggles Constantly Occurs... Spewing terms that dispurse from nauseous Vomiting lil' Slurs... Stopping my Verse, only to deliver the inner Ambitions I Need... Invision, Believe! Imprisoned By Greed because of Decision's I Meet... Incisions so Deep blood spews like a fountain Spraying Liquid... Today I Live It! Daily struggles I face remain to Staying Wicked... This was really nice, you should build off this verse bro. Seemed like you were focused compared to some other ones you just quickly write and post. Nice one. |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Yeah i was feeling this piece here,the alterative in some of the lines was a nice touch,
came off like a cause and effect scenario,the tempo/flow was a smooth affair aswell, i liked the wording/placements too,you definitely nailed that within this verse,your detail were good as i could see the imagery you was projecting quite vividly also,your vocab in parts stood up and out,there not much i can pull you up on here, as everything seems to be in order,clean and tidy piece that i got a kick from on reading,i also agree with Trizzy,this is some of your best work to date i do believe,fluent and fluid spring to mind with this drop.. (Visions Blur, while my mind tries to endulge on the Written Word... Livin' Hurts, yet these constant struggles I suffer I've Witnessed Worse... Givin this Timid Curse, where tragic struggles Constantly Occurs... Spewing terms that dispurse from nauseous Vomiting lil' Slurs...) (Invision, Believe! Imprisoned By Greed because of Decision's I Meet... Incisions so Deep blood spews like a fountain Spraying Liquid... Today I Live It! Daily struggles I face remain to Staying Wicked...) (Rapping When I Flex! Showing out aggressively Handling Tempers... Fight to Wined Down when my Life's Upside Down unexpectantly losing Family Members...) there just a few I hashed out,for me these went well within this piece,they seem to gel the whole verse together, plus the emotion was nice here,all in all a really good piece from you,and a enjoyable read for me,good work..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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S Dubb
Groupie Joined: 03 December 2016 Location: Cincinnati Status: Offline Points: 404 Crew: Alter Egos Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-7-1 Form: LLLLNL |
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Thanks for the feed, and yes! Next week there will be a Part 2!
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Topical Twist League= 1-0
1-2 Punch League= 0-3 Regular Text= 0-1 Alias= 0-1 Topical= 1-0 Horrorcore= 1-0 Overall= 3-5 |
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Jaz-Cat
Groupie Joined: 03 July 2016 Location: Bishop Lavis, Cape Town Status: Offline Points: 47 |
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Old-school cat in da buildin' fo' shizzle
S Dubb, I dig da rhyme schemes you put up dawg. That was dope. Internal rhymes I noticed wit da sharp eye. You upped ya pen, that finna slammed da screen. No doubt you drop mo'. Old-school OG digs ya pen right there, don't stop. Climb ya pen level ladder, you inked flames Old-school OG showing love and respect
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intrikit
Newbie I am Vib. Klean Joined: 11 September 2015 Status: Offline Points: 370 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-4-0 Form: WLLLL |
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Nice. Compared to your older pieces where the flow felt drawn out, this one synced well and it was easy to go along with. You had decent detail but it seems this was more about the rhyming and flow. Good to show off what you can do every now and then. You just need to balance out the flow/content now.i think if you focus on bridging the gap even closer it will propel you in the right direction (which you're already moving in imo)
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