Open Mic: [KOTM] A Light in the Dark

Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Topic Ratings Printable Version Translate Topic

 https://soundcloud.com/user37035975/kotm8hook-1
I didn't get a chance to record the second verse or fix the chorus (by rerecording), but ima just post it with the audio regardless and the beat will continue playing whilst you read.

A Light in the Dark

everyday im slippin'
got these soul grippin' demons
and there hold on me just deepens
while my heart be feelin' grievance

but my mind keep killin' feeling'
and my hand be doin' dealings
of the devil that im fightin'
he just revels in the violence

theres a war beneath my eyelids
that the Lord is torn in side with
I aint lit like the night sky is
I aint the person that my wife thinks

i aint her hope like God her Christ is
i am broken and my knife sinks
deep inside her, sacrificin'
see her bleedin', feel like dyin'

--Chorus--

my God be pouring surprises
I keep on letting the light in
like early morning horizons
im keen on rising and shining
until im soaring the highest
the Lord be guided by lightning
until my touch be like midas
and what is spoken is golden
i stand there holding an omen
waiting for my golden moment
i will not falter like Trojans
never misjudging clear oceans
in life theres nothing with no strings
i stay on/en guarde without warning
my demons know not to show since
i bask in sun til' im scorching

Author	Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Topic Ratings Printable Version Translate Topic
Lord Puente Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lord Puente Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: [KOTM] A Light in the Dark Posted: 28 February 2017 at 1:04am
	https://soundcloud.com/user37035975/kotm8hook-1 I didn't get a chance to record the second verse or fix the chorus (by rerecording), but ima just post it with the audio regardless and the beat will continue playing whilst you read. A Light in the Dark everyday im slippin' got these soul grippin' demons and there hold on me just deepens while my heart be feelin' grievance but my mind keep killin' feeling' and my hand be doin' dealings of the devil that im fightin' he just revels in the violence theres a war beneath my eyelids that the Lord is torn in side with I aint lit like the night sky is I aint the person that my wife thinks i aint her hope like God her Christ is i am broken and my knife sinks deep inside her, sacrificin' see her bleedin', feel like dyin' --Chorus-- my God be pouring surprises I keep on letting the light in like early morning horizons im keen on rising and shining until im soaring the highest the Lord be guided by lightning until my touch be like midas and what is spoken is golden i stand there holding an omen waiting for my golden moment i will not falter like Trojans never misjudging clear oceans in life theres nothing with no strings i stay on/en guarde without warning my demons know not to show since i bask in sun til' im scorching


rhetorical Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote rhetorical Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 February 2017 at 3:41pm
	sup fam, so ill break this down in two segments, text and audio On the text side Good content here. Nice short condensed lines makes for a smooth flow. A cool concept of struggling with the every day temptations and 'inner demons' that we carry around with us and breaking out of the depression that it usually brings. There was nothing overly complex but not too simple either. You struck a good balance. Im sure it would have come off more complex and what not if this was just purely a text drop, but it was fitting for the beat you had to write it too. I'm glad to see another audio come out of this. . . when i first seen the topic, i was going back and forth on what exactly were supposed to do with the instrumental. . so i came to the same conclusion, just make an audio and give the audience an audible and visual representation lol anyway, you have a really unique voice. I cant really think of a single person who sounds like you. @:51 it sounded like you was really pushing, and the flow faltered slightly. I think it would help if you gave the beat a little more room to breathe. so, it seems like this may have been rushed a bit. maybe all recorded in one take?? By your own omission, you didn't give yourself enough time to record that second verse, but i didnt really have any problems with the hook. regardless, this gives us a good scale to see how it works on the beat provided and did its job well. overall, a nice entry, and again. . im glad i wasnt the only one to drop an audio for it


alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 February 2017 at 7:25pm
	This was pretty impressive, to say the least. I agree that the overall impact was greater when I listened to the recording, so I'm glad you took this rather different approach. I actually thoroughly enjoyed the chorus, it had something catchy yet relatable about it. Content-wise, it was somewhat straightforward but still intriguing enough, and I can appreciate the element of depth which several of your lines had. I also liked the consistency of the 'inner conflict' and associated themes with some personal references. The read was, overall, very smooth due to the short line length. But to portray and include relevant references within that frame is a highlight on its own, as I think. Nice work.

Lord Puente Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lord Puente Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 February 2017 at 10:39pm
	Thanks for the feedback rhet and Alice I liked my Chorus but thought it could have been a better recording of it. But yea the audio was necessary to get the emotion of it understood. First verse in supposed to sound broken and put some vocal inflections at parts. Thanks for the feed guys!


Trizzy Tre Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Trizzy Tre Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 March 2017 at 1:11am
	LP this was nice! I read the text first, then listened to the audio. First time I've listened to your audio, real solid job overall. The piece was smooth and enjoyable. Honestly, you need to start dropping more work like this.


Lord Puente Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lord Puente Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 March 2017 at 3:51pm
	Thanks for the feedback trizz, I try to put more time towards this but lately I just haven't had the time. Hopefully once I get some shit handled, I'll be able to start dedicating the time I would like to, to rapping. I appreciate the listen!


Rutter knows best Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rutter knows best Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 March 2017 at 4:09pm
	Well I thought you did a dope job of this overall. The chorus was a really nice touch. I never thought to do one but it really works. Very catchy and nicely written. I wasn't a massive fan of the infliction you've put on at first but after a few more listens it grew on Me. None the less the flow was really nice it just rolled from one line to the next without a hiccup. As far as content I think a lot of went in a similar direction, I think the struggle/despair angle we all went with was fitting so I don't think it takes away from it. I blinked the "until my touch be like midas and what is spoken is golden.." Line was nice and the transition would of sounded real smooth. The second verse was solid but the recorded firsts half had more impact as we got to hear it as it was intended " theres a war beneath my eyelids that the Lord is torn in side with I aint lit like the night sky is I aint the person that my wife thinks" This was my favourites section, word choice and rhyme scheme were on point and I really liked the content. Sounded very genuine that bit. I think this is my favourite piece I've heard read. If you get time to record that se cond verse it would be well worth it. Very enjoyable listen and a nice read too. Props. Edited by Rutter knows best - 01 March 2017 at 6:18pm
	#bananas

Lord Puente Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Lord Puente Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 March 2017 at 4:13am
	yea, the chorus is necessary a lot of times when writing to beats already made (only way ive done it). other wise its hard to understand what someone is rapping. if you wait until where the third verse goes on the track, that part is actually twice as long to fit 32 instead of 16 lines. thanks for the feedback tho man. glad you enjoyed it. ill see if I can get motivated to write it, out of town this weakened tho so maybe in a couple weeks.