Open Mic: Bronze

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Smoothtung View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 March 2017 at 2:42pm

I like that old school shit..
The coke use on a toad stool trip.
Some slow music to bone to, shit.
A gold hue on a lone sioux stitch,
Morning dew on an oak hewn ship.
A set of snow shoes with a cold brew when the snow's too thick..
A coat with a broach sewn to it..
A full moon wish.
I'm like Goku and the show True Grit when I come to and roll through with an old school script.
might throw a new photo up on Konu's bricks.
I'm filthy..
Like an 0-2 pitch.
I am old school like a stone tool gift, a cold blue mist..
Like a note followed up with an overdue kiss.
I like show tunes with a motown rift..
Like to know-you 'fore I show-you my own mu-sic.
And the truth is they know smooth's a known Buddhist.
I can't befriend you I told you, I'm no judas.
I stow shrooms in grow rooms,, I know true bliss.
This is something to smoke to while you hold two fifths.
And I wrote you a note too while I strolled through two cliffs.
It was this.
But I changed it cuz I loath you and I don't give two shits.

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Lord Puente View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Lord Puente Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 March 2017 at 3:48pm
burh, this was dope as fuck. keeping it real the scheme reminded me of my
favorite piece here (enlightened by freeda, which is a massive compliment to
you). nearly very word rhymed. it seems basically everything from the first
half of your verse is a multi, to do that and get the message across is very
impressive. solid job on this drop, this was dope.
 
those first 9 lines were fire.
 
 you had some nice descriptions and metaphors.
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Goryo. View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Goryo. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 March 2017 at 4:08pm
The flow had that old school vibe to it too. What I liked the most is how creative it was for a flex verse, and how it avoided the predictable stuff. Rhyme wise no line had much time at all between rhymes they were heavy and consistent but not forced so it kept everything smooth and flowing as it should. Towards the end the way the rhymes sounded in my head came across differently, like if spat out the first section would have exaggerated rhymes with a pause, then at the last section it was more fast paced. Hard to describe, but I liked the transition. Dunno if that was your intention but yeah. Keep it up.
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