Open Mic: The Second Law |
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 22 March 2017 at 8:54pm |
we are fascinated by its presence having this hatred towards its essence we have this makeshift acceptance a place called the pearly gates within heaven gracefully raped with it nd sentenced could be 88 on death's bed or in your late adolescence Feeds on babies, the weak and asks for tasty seconds its weapons? Abortion and disease to wreck shit As life flashes before our eyes, we plead for its acceptance get weak at the knees and scream to be remembered Gradually we leave in the evanescence of time question is, are we blessed with being alive? Or is this life sentence messing with minds? Every step is closer to when it hits, we die And when its time to check-in, question the light Question and fight with every last breath in sight Death can arrest Dizz but can't take away what I left behind being here is an experiment of crime with the same result Here it is, Start building your grave in this game of fault We live to succeed but at the end of it, its pain and all some play for long nd some called quits before they could crawl The strong don't survive, they get hit with a taller wall to scale Every life has one destiny, the protocol is to fail Our chemistry above all is frail The laws of physics is its favorite weaponry growing old represents our enemy of blatant entropy Even our skeletons endlessly decay away helplessly What a woman doesn't know is she gives a baby A death wish upon pregnancy sentencing this kid to a life meant to end with everlasting speed? When we breed, it's a recipe to rent our genes as tenancy |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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dope drop here dizz, for one, i like to say great job with transitionals, it really helped smooth it out with the rhyme changes. reading it was like butter, the flow,schemes and rhymes were dope. of course you had to throw in the eating babies to go along with your fucking creepy ass sig of a kid eating something.... i cant fucking handle that sig, it creeps me out tho, had to change this to the full reply to make it get the fuck off my screen!.
solid drop here, its definitely a different topic from what a read and an interesting perspective about every pregnancy is the death sentence bit. dope job overall.
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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[Dizzle on his Shizzle]
we are fascinated by its presence having this hatred towards its essence we have this makeshift acceptance a place called the pearly gates within heaven nice start. gracefully raped with it nd sentenced could be 88 on death's bed or in your late adolescence Feeds on babies, the weak and asks for tasty seconds its weapons? Abortion and disease to wreck shit im going to assume (ass outta you and me!!) the abortion is leading more toward the religious portion of the "God complex". anywhom, interested to see where this goes. As life flashes before our eyes, we plead for its acceptance get weak at the knees and scream to be remembered Gradually we leave in the evanescence of time question is, are we blessed with being alive? Or is this life sentence messing with minds? interesting concept. I think being alive is a blessing, merely for how beautiful the planet is. I dont mean the people, or the "situation".. but the actual planet. the animals, the water, the mountains, the sky, the harmony of everything working together. I think to have this is really overlooked alot. but it is a good question. Every step is closer to when it hits, we die And when its time to check-in, question the light Question and fight with every last breath in sight this. even tho I find the flat earthers to be hilarious, I admire that they dont just "accept." the spirit I appreciate, the theory? not at all. Death can arrest Dizz but can't take away what I left behind being here is an experiment of crime with the same result Here it is, Start building your grave in this game of fault We live to succeed but at the end of it, its pain and all some play for long nd some called quits before they could crawl The strong don't survive, they get hit with a taller wall to scale living in and of itself is success right? I mean theres so many things harmful to us, and not even by our own doing like plastics and what not.. but berries can kill us lol. but I get the oppression of an lifelong duty of servitude with zero reward. Every life has one destiny, the protocol is to fail Our chemistry above all is frail The laws of physics is its favorite weaponry growing old represents our enemy of blatant entropy Even our skeletons endlessly decay away helplessly What a woman doesn't know is she gives a baby death wish upon pregnancy sentencing this kid to a life meant to end with everlasting speed? When we breed, it's a recipe to rent our genes as tenancy well, overall this is definitely a talking point piece. having children certaintly puts your own mortality into question. instincts say that you need to protect, but you realize one day you wont be able to - due to death. I think the greatness in giving a baby a deathwish, is that you grant a journey as well. an unlaid path.. a struggle for most, surely. it is a path none the less. anyway, enjoyed the read. overall, the mechanics were crisp in this. the taller wall to scale line felt a little wobbly to me flow wise.. but I did enjoy the way the scheme was put together. im a fan of those bars that switch mid-way and loop together in the middle portion. this piece was a good debate joint. you had a few segments dedicated to different things so I didnt feel it got stale or bland. good stuff mr DayDizzle. |
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#Bananas
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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we are fascinated by its presence having this hatred towards its essence we have this makeshift acceptance a place called the pearly gates within heaven gracefully raped with it nd sentenced could be 88 on death's bed or in your late adolescence Feeds on babies, the weak and asks for tasty seconds its weapons? Abortion and disease to wreck shit As life flashes before our eyes, we plead for its acceptance get weak at the knees and scream to be remembered Nice start here. You brought me in immediately with your word usage/vocabulary but also maintaining a smooth flow and delivery feel. The content is good so far. I like how you incorporated he different aspects of passing with the ages. I will fault you slightly on the double/acceptance as it is not TOO bad as it is very separated. I liked the makeshift acceptance line the most as it questions the genuine aspect of faith. Gradually we leave in the evanescence of time question is, are we blessed with being alive? Or is this life sentence messing with minds? Every step is closer to when it hits, we die And when its time to check-in, question the light Question and fight with every last breath in sight Death can arrest Dizz but can't take away what I left behind I like the vocabulary here along with the questions you are asking. You are maintaining the same trend as above which is a positive upon staying on target with content. being here is an experiment of crime with the same result Here it is, Start building your grave in this game of fault We live to succeed but at the end of it, its pain and all some play for long nd some called quits before they could crawl The strong don't survive, they get hit with a taller wall to scale Every life has one destiny, the protocol is to fail Our chemistry above all is frail Really enjoyed that protocol to fail line. It's impact of every life to "succeed is just to die" and "dying is failing" it's really complex way of thinking. This is also impacted when you describe the death of babies by "calling it quits" before they can crawl. The laws of physics is its favorite weaponry growing old represents our enemy of blatant entropy Even our skeletons endlessly decay away helplessly What a woman doesn't know is she gives a baby A death wish upon pregnancy sentencing this kid to a life meant to end with everlasting speed? When we breed, it's a recipe to rent our genes as tenancy Nice ending. I thought it was the strongest part of the piece. It really summed up everything you built up with you. You really are finding your niche as an artist man. It's nice to see and enjoy reading your pieces. Good shit my dude.
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Amgin
Groupie Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL |
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Day this was unreal, it flowed so nicely it almost came across as a church sermon or as if it was preached by a prophet. You wrote with a faint inevitability that created an almost omniscient vibe without being corny.
I really liked how you tied in the emotions of life's selectivity and the question that never seem to be fair, touching on how someone could be 88 on their deathbed/late adolescence.. and then continued it a few lines down with "some play for long nd some called quits before they could crawl" As well the subject of weapons in forms of things we can control, abortion and disease, and then continuing the thought/reality with things out of our control like our physiology and growing old/battle against time. The back and forth between acceptance of religion/God, being grateful for this life while turning a blind eye to the bad Vs. why can't we hold him accountable for the bad just as well as we praise him for the good, why is it frowned upon to question it etc. It can be a very cruel world man and I think you capture it nicely in this piece. |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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dope shit here day. i cant break this down any better then what has already been said. but as a non-religious person, i actually find myself writing a lot about god and the idea of his existence / non existence or ponder the questions i would ask if he existed etc. . but anyway, this was just a really entertaining and thought provoking read for me. flow was good too, pretty effortless to read. good shit fam. keep that pen moving
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Do we ever truly die? Does not a piece of us always remain, be it through our offspring or decaying corpses that help spawn and nurture new life or even the ideas/works we leave behind or the memories of us we create for others to think about? Energy is never created or destroyed ... simply transferred. After all, a little piece of everything that has ever been exist wthin each and every one of us. In any case, this was an entertaining and thought-provoking read. It had ample imagery and really good pacing. It also had your signature gore which was counterbalanced by the inquisitive nature of your words. There was more than one way to process this piece and I appreciate that about it. Your technique was stellar as alway. Good ish Dizz. It got my wheels spinning. Props!
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
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Yo Dizz my dude the elevation you're
showing is awsome, it's always cool to watch one of our younger writers absorb some and benefit from all of the positve and negative criticism they've received from other members and then actually take what they've been taught and apply it to their work. You've come a long way my dude! This bit right here was my favorite... "The laws of physics is its favorite weaponry, growing old represents our enemy of blatant entropy, Even our skeletons endlessly decay away helplessly" -Your flow was nice as hell here! Good shut Dizz, keep it up!!! |
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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I've enjoyed researching and expanding my mind on this topic. There's some great literature out today from brilliant people on these types of subjects.
As for your verse, this was nice. As life flashes before our eyes, we plead for its acceptance get weak at the knees and scream to be remembered Gradually we leave in the evanescence of time question is, are we blessed with being alive? Or is this life sentence messing with minds? Every step is closer to when it hits, we die ^^^^...... This part really resonated with me. Solid content throughout. This whole piece you seemed focused and didn't rush it. Many times I feel that's what you're missing. Just my opinion. This one felt as if you took the time to clean it up and added that extra something to it. Good stuff bro. |
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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Dizzy my dude. First I just want to say your progression on this site is something to be pointed out. If you take your time and write instead of rushing it look what you are capable of. You always push it as far as you can possibly push it. I love that. I'm the same way but I may not be as aggressive as I use to be.
" could be 88 on death's bed or in your late adolescence Feeds on babies, the weak and asks for tasty seconds its weapons? Abortion and disease to wreck shit As life flashes before our eyes, we plead for its acceptance get weak at the knees and scream to be remembered Gradually we leave in the evanescence of time question is, are we blessed with being alive?" I loved this section and I'm loving the topic. Nice flow and scheme on this. "Death can arrest Dizz but can't take away what I left behind"---this right here is a strong and powerful line. " being here is an experiment of crime with the same result Here it is, Start building your grave in this game of fault We live to succeed but at the end of it, its pain and all some play for long nd some called quits before they could crawl"---damn this some powerful words dizzy. I love pieces like this. Pieces that actually make you question your own mortality and what you believe in. " The strong don't survive, they get hit with a taller wall to scale Every life has one destiny, the protocol is to fail Our chemistry above all is frail The laws of physics is its favorite weaponry growing old represents our enemy of blatant entropy Even our skeletons endlessly decay away helplessly What a woman doesn't know is she gives a baby A death wish upon pregnancy sentencing this kid to a life meant to end with everlasting speed? When we breed, it's a recipe to rent our genes as tenancy---of course you mentioned the wall lol. But that pregnancy line was fucking crazy dope. Dizzy is on some shit and your gonna be a threat in IC2...Some of your best work is this dizzy. good shit
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