Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Round Two: Battler 2 vs Battler 15 [2 Wins]

- 20-60 Lines 

- Best of 7

- Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden

- Wednesday April 19th, Midnight UK time

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Battler 2..

Now this was a nice verse,the flow/tempo was Slick indeed,the concept/angle was
very creative,and the story was up on another level because of the partial factual content,you took a real monster from old,and created a view via details and wording
a new one,the contents and the story line/progression was highly original and fresh,i
also thought it to be a brave move too,as you didn't choose from the pool of monsters
on offer,instead you created your own version of a monster,which in essence she was,
such an evil queen that showed no time in remorse in her quest to return a country back to a Catholic state,and boy did that bitch cause her subjects pain trying,I feel
you represented her mind set well within this verse,she was a hated and in truth a
lonely queen,who festered on hate for anything not Catholic,I do have a little gripe
here though,there's a wealth of info on her that you could of capitalised on,like the
burning ppl at the stake in their droves scenario,I would of liked that to of been
included also,but i'll stress now,it doesn't take anything away from this piece in the
slightest,and the twist was kept well nearer the end is when it gets exposed,solid
piece..


Battler 15..

Yep that little skit to open your verse was paraphrased well,their not forgiving entity's in
flowing brilliant white gowns,as the Bible states their are an army of Gods wraith,their
purpose is his bidding,your inner rhymes are working well in this piece,they giving off
a layered effect all whilst keeping the rhyme popping along,nicely done,the concept/
angles were also crafted to a factual theme really well here,I must say i'm truly liking this approach by you and Battler 2,your wording fitted nicely within the flow/tempo you
provided too,i'm impressed as this isn't easy to grasp or do quite fluently let alone
achieve,you also had heaps of references to the old world via the religious tones incorporated,you even in parts make it feel like a cult gathering of a sacrifice,and the way you closed out was ripe,like we brought it on ourselves,like we had a clear chose
with no grey areas,(if only things in life is that decisive eh),this has been a solid verse,
in which the pleasure was mine on reading,great work..


Overall it pains me to have to vote a winner here,both had awesome concepts,i really thought Battler 2 had the more original angle out the 2 verses,but Battle 15 had a more concise verse on the whole,both pleased on reading so props here ppl,but for me Battler 15 had more of the elements i like to read in a piece..seriously Battler 2,you
were unlucky here today,but props for real..


Vote...Battler 15...peace.    


    

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Battler 2

As a child Bloody Mary, Candy Man, and the infamous Ouija Board were like the unholy trinity of games you don't fuck with. So this was a pretty Nostalgic read to say the least.

What I enjoyed most about your verse was the attention to detail you incorporated within it. Everything from Mary's vicious birth, to her lonesome life as a foster child, to her sacrificial death was all extremely visual and well thought out. One instance in particular that standout to me was the part about about her being covered in plasma and gelatin like skin. The was insanely graphic and perfectly detailed.

From a technical writing point of view I think you checked all the boxes. Your internals were dope and your slants rhymes were nicely placed. Your wording was also crisp, as I had no problem following the progression of your story. There may have been one or two awkwardly phrased lines, but for the most part however your diction was amazing.

Great read!

Battler 15

I'm not sure if you wrote the quote in your intro. It sounds familiar. Regardless, it was a perfect inclusion and lead up to the story ... as too was the picture you chose.

You had some very evil and elegant imagery that I really dug. Things such as, "she takes her halo off, skin scaled and dripping in tar, weathered wings, beaten and scarred, salivating eyes, hurled .. flock of ravens, and victims .. prayers .. babbling .. worthless". I loved all of those lines and the vocabulary and language you used to tell you devilish tale. However, there were some moments when the story was a little vague and too abstract/poetic . There were times I wish you would have focused more on a concrete narration so I could really see the events unfold as I read alone. That's my biggest knock against this piece. Although, let me say this -- your last two lines maybe the best bar I've read in this entire round. Brilliant finish.

VOTE -- B2

I actually thoroughly enjoyed both verses, but I feel as if B2 took a slight edge by having more visual content. I loved the haunting poetics of B15's piece, but idk, going solely off my gut I have to give the nod to B2. Stellar battle. Sick match up.

Peace..

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Both superb verses here ... so I'm afraid it's set nit-picking dial to 11

#2 started really well, flowing crisply from the off.

Consistency of rhyme quality dips a bit occasionally but the imagery is well done and helps keep the verse moving.

The whole concept and feel of the piece was really nicely done.
I do have the sense you would have liked to spent more time on it, as parts are so well written that the interspersed single syllable end rhyme lines stand out as basic as a result.

The end gimmick was cracking ... the way the end graphic jumps out at you after the 3rd Blood Mary was I'm sure the intention, and very effective.


#15, nice picture, thanks.
First the quote at the beginning. I not sure how I feel about this.
I assumed it's from a film I haven't seen ... so I googled it and it is ... word for word.
I worry that others may not realise this ... and credit you for penning these lines.
But then I guess I worry too much about these things.
Is 1995's The Prophecy so well known that it can be used in this way without fear of confusion? .... discuss.

The words of Geoffrey Widen do make for a dope start though ... so I'll just deduct points for the fact they don't rhyme. ;-)

Similar to your opponent in how the rhyming complexity comes and goes, though with this there were more looser rhymes throughout ...
Does a great job of matching the syllable stress (so it flows excellently) but at the expense of female rhymes of the syllables themselves ...
Prolly a poetry thing, what do I know ... I'm just a rhyming guy.

Again superb imagery, and nice piece in general.
But I just found it a harder going read.

And you used the "word" Seeked ... so must be named, shamed and outcast when this circus is over.

MFVGT #2