Open Mic: The Final Flurry |
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Posted: 26 April 2017 at 3:08pm |
Bored of writing punches so I'll post this and be done with it lol. They try to stand against me, thinkin they might fare I'll prove that a monster exists outside of your nightmares Put anyone in front of me, guarantee I'll better em I'm 'Stolen Valor' steadily exposing fake veterans And emcees can walk the plank into the roasting pot I ain't mailing stolen goods but everything I 'post is hot' Basically I'm tryna say that there will never be another me I 'stray from the pack' like alcoholics in recovery I dunno why I battle now... fuck a reg 14 years deep, don't tell me how to suck an egg... Don't care if it's the first time you've seen me pen Cause I've 'been around the block' more than VPNs Always ready for war, you got no protection Cause I 'stay reloading' like a slow connection Dude'll up their game quick, if they wanna face me 'Making everyone around me better' like J.C You lack the versatility to be as ill as me I'm the emcee Jay-Z wishes he could really be See me, displaying many styles, out classing foes Like reading Kama Sutra taking part in a fashion show ... Potent attacks, even if I graze ya It's a 'clinical finish', but this ain't euthanasia Quick to turn, I'll even slap a friend in the face 'Come at me I'll snap on you' like the tape at the end of a race Written for therapy and I've done it for light fun And 'bottled up the spirit' of rap like it's white rum Spittin average rhymes, and going back in time Laughing at myself like 'I can't believe that crap is mine' Honestly if it's old... then it isn't hard to loathe But! Don't regret the bars you wrote that played a part in growth Take a risk, be prepared to fail, never cry in fear Just experiment with different styles and be a pioneer |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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this was odd. you went from Don Shipley to Tony Robbins in a flash.
I liked the free-flow vibe. had a certain bounce to it. I just wish every punch wasnt a simile. you definitely know "how to write" so you certaintly know alot of this shit was auto-pilot. you dont owe us anything, im merely pointing out my thoughts as I read. anywhom. solid piece to replace your last one. Rutter just told me you couldnt see him in a battle tho. he said he wouldnt even consider you his mini-me cause hes so ahead of his time he wouldve aborted you. I dont think you should take his abuse. |
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#Bananas
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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definitely better then the last drop by miles . . not only in the concepts used in certain lines, but the wording and flow was even improved despite some minor fall offs in them longer lines. im not a flex joint dude. . (im not sure why i feel the need to mention that everytime i feed a flex joint lol) . . . but when i read one and leave entertained, i figure thats a good meter in gauging whether the drop was nice or not. . im walking away entertained on this one.
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
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Neek: Thanks for the feed. Yeah when I write punchlines they usually randomly spring into my head or just spill out if I'm writing nonsense so the overload of similes was just me grouping them all together in a sequence. I have video evidence of me knocking Rutter out in the gym and I will post it if I receive enough interest (get your wallets out). Rhetorical: Thanks for the feed too. I thought those lines were sketchy too but I made em work. Obviously not everyone will read them with the same rhythm but I knew they were a liability for others reading lol.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Thought you got by me eh..i got this though.
You know something,i liked this selfhype/explanatory piece here,it had an innocents about it,it had a feel of putting a point across without being in the reader face with a faked up attitude entow,came off as subtle and calm,the rhyme scheme was simple here but effective,and your similes were working well also,due to them being fresh via the concept/angles,I also like the inclusion of putting the record straight about you prior piece,(which was clearly done as tongue and cheek effort),anyways I feel a few multi's via syllables would have lifted this piece out more from a reader's perspective, (as this is what I'm working on now myself),with that typed on face value this verse was nice,i liked it refreshing vibe and serenity,good read here..peace. ps i will be getting at you by the weekend about a collab,just busy with work until then.. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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