Text Battle Archive: Trizzy Tre -vs- Blood Eclipse |
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
Topic: Trizzy Tre -vs- Blood Eclipse Posted: 04 May 2017 at 9:09pm |
6 bars
House rules Due Monday, midnight Eastern ✓ |
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Blood Eclipse
Groupie Joined: 21 April 2017 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 58 Crew: Pending Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
Posted: 05 May 2017 at 8:23am |
I'll be waiting for your drop.
Since you insisted to drop first |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Posted: 05 May 2017 at 9:20am |
I've checked the call out. He didnt.
There's no extensions to deadlines here, so when you have your verse ready I suggest you drop it. |
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Blood Eclipse
Groupie Joined: 21 April 2017 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 58 Crew: Pending Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
Posted: 05 May 2017 at 2:12pm |
Lol. .I'll drop. . But he did
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
Posted: 05 May 2017 at 4:23pm |
Never at any point did I say that. Trust my verse will be posted before the deadline, you fucking clown... |
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Blood Eclipse
Groupie Joined: 21 April 2017 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 58 Crew: Pending Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
Posted: 05 May 2017 at 9:49pm |
Now Lil Trezzy is about to be molested by Eclipse using a ``carrot`` because we have to maintain the ``pure see`` [pussy]/
With these metaphors I have to flow upon his viginal juices/ Because yo menstrual cycles are the only time you came close to bloody bruises/ And-the-best-feeling? This sucker -breast-feeding- So we can all understand when he say he -succeeding-[suck-seeding]- Cos them seed that suck the tits is what he's -been-breeding- Fuck openers! I've seen more openers than beer- lids| Back to Trezzy| See imma give this kid an ass whooping till he -cry-teary-eyes [criterias] for these judges// Imma chop off both your 'hands' so after this you don't ``hold`` no grudges// I've seen all your verses on the Open Mic are ``EVIL` but I'm the one with the sickest -bar-format- [Baphomet] Fuck you bro, Where the fuck is yo bar-form-at??/ Even an "epileptic couple" Can't "shake 0ff" this feeling Pirates of The Caribbean known as The Sea Men (semen) "rides" on these tidal blows like when porn stars climax..see man??/ The sea breaks and the sea mends (cements) That's 'hardcore' bars like charging a Siemens I'll go to your profile with a ""sick"" verse like this and "post" cuz i'm tryna send this mail [male] in a ''box'' for coughing (coffin)/ My bars [bus] move people-- I-studied- planetariums hence the buzz [bars] moves the mass [mars] Divert electromagnetic rays.. dawn them like 6:30am cuz after killing him?? Yall will be mourning (morning) !!!! |
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
Posted: 08 May 2017 at 1:49pm |
http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/torture-provided_topic44843_post459880.html?KW=#459880 ^^^^..... His OM verse called "Torture Provided"
Yo... Listen chump who u zippin up? Actions he never done... Ironic ur names Blood ....when you'll struggle to 'body' anyone!! Fuck this newcomer!! Ur first battle? Newbs claim they tough... I open doors for Bums to get 'crack'ed', ....bitch I'm a gateway drug! Oh ur fucked! His structure n punches all meaningless... When the only 'Torture Provided' was attempts at reading it! You piece of shit wanna be ex-con, but jails a place he never been... Slit your wrist is the only time Blood coming fresh outta anything! Act like he's Shyne in a Club strapped, his credibility descending... Only time you're Dancing-with-the-Nina is at a Mexican wedding! What am I forgetting? Chalk the body... you know what's mean..? That there's a massacre everytime a Tre and Blood left at a scene! fuck you... Empire. |
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Goryo.
Groupie Joined: 28 June 2016 Status: Offline Points: 431 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-4-0 Form: LWLWLW |
Posted: 08 May 2017 at 3:09pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Ok. *Puts on his Gordon Ramsay voice* For starters unless there is some stipulation for your opponent to go first why would you tell him to drop first? That's a bad way to kick things off and just makes you look like you have some bullshit up your sleeve. Anyway let's get to the verses. Blood: Now Lil Trezzy is about to be molested by Eclipse using a ``carrot`` because we have to maintain the ``pure see`` [pussy]/ I'm gonna take your accent into consideration with this verse but even still you should write your wordplay with a universal appeal. No one wants to analyse your plays to figure out how you intend on it sounding. You said you're gonna molest Tre with a carrot to maintain his purity (and pussy?). What purpose does saying that serve? It's filler, the wordplay is forced and it is also grammatically incorrect. 'Maintain the pure see'? makes no sense you would have to say 'maintain the purity' which yes would void your wordplay but so what it's not a wordplay worth making anyway. There is no diss here and it is a wasted line. With these metaphors I have to flow upon his viginal juices/ Because yo menstrual cycles are the only time you came close to bloody bruises/ Flow/period/blood plays are done to death and this was worded pretty bad. This punch is clearer than your last but it's just so generic. And-the-best-feeling? This sucker -breast-feeding- So we can all understand when he say he -succeeding-[suck-seeding]- Cos them seed that suck the tits is what he's -been-breeding- Don't use dashes on words that aren't intended as part of the multi. Suck seeding? Saying 'suck seeds' would be better but I've never heard anyone refer to breast feeding as sucking seeds. Maybe if you turned it into a dick sucking play or something. Fuck openers! I've seen more openers than beer- lids| Back to Trezzy| It was a somewhat decent punch but random as fuck and not directed at your opponent. See imma give this kid an ass whooping till he -cry-teary-eyes [criterias] for these judges// Imma chop off both your 'hands' so after this you don't ``hold`` no grudges// First line was just odd. Make your wordplays appeal to everyone not just people with a South African accent. It was forced and again grammatically incorrect (whooping till he criterias for the judges?). Find another way to get your point across and say you'll make him cry. Second line was cool but just average and overdone. Less threats more insults man. I've seen all your verses on the Open Mic are ``EVIL` but I'm the one with the sickest -bar-format- [Baphomet] Fuck you bro, Where the fuck is yo bar-form-at??/ Where's the punch at? Even an "epileptic couple" Can't "shake 0ff" this feeling A decent somewhat played punch but again you need to diss your opponent. Pirates of The Caribbean known as The Sea Men (semen) "rides" on these tidal blows like when porn stars climax..see man??/ The sea breaks and the sea mends (cements) That's 'hardcore' bars like charging a Siemens I appreciate how you attempted to tie all these things together like the words and concepts (ride, climax, blows, porn, hardcore). I get it man but it just wasn't executed in a crisp way. It was rambling. Compress your bars, and cut the fat. The wordplay was forced and random what the fuck does cement have to do with porn or the sea or a Siemens? I'll go to your profile with a ""sick"" verse like this and "post" cuz i'm tryna send this mail [male] in a ''box'' for coughing (coffin)/ My bars [bus] move people-- I-studied- planetariums hence the buzz [bars] moves the mass [mars] Divert electromagnetic rays.. dawn them like 6:30am cuz after killing him?? Yall will be mourning (morning) !!!! You tried way too hard with that first line and it worked against you. Once again I appreciate you trying to tie all these things together but the end product was a mess. The references are kinda played but it had some potential but only as a filler line cause once again where does Tre as a person come into this? I liked the approach on the bus line but not the wordplay. Was ok as a small transitional line but bars doesn't sound like bus. You could have made a better link between 'mourning' and 'dawn' too. Again this was a mess. Tre: Listen chump who u zippin up? Actions he never done... Ironic ur names Blood ....when you'll struggle to 'body' anyone!! Decent nameplay. Tied into the quote but wasn't much of a dazzling reference. The personal element made it what it was. Fuck this newcomer!! Ur first battle? Newbs claim they tough... I open doors for Bums to get 'crack'ed', ....bitch I'm a gateway drug! I was feeling this. Can't say anything bad here but to be more specific and maybe help Blood a bit this is how you structure a punch. Don't leave the reader quizzing and guessing. You understand it immediately when you finish reading the line. Oh ur fucked! His structure n punches all meaningless... When the only 'Torture Provided' was attempts at reading it! Good and funny. You piece of shit wanna be ex-con, but jails a place he never been... Slit your wrist is the only time Blood coming fresh outta anything! Decent. Good way to tie his name and jail without mentioning gangs. Act like he's Shyne in a Club strapped, his credibility descending... Only time you're Dancing-with-the-Nina is at a Mexican wedding! Decent with a good tie in and set up. What am I forgetting? Chalk the body... you know what's mean..? That there's a massacre everytime a Tre and Blood left at a scene! Decent finisher. Overall: Blood you have a lot of good ideas and creativity (I've said this to you before) but you just struggle to compress it together for your end product. The verse was all over the place with random transitional lines, poorly executed and/or forced wordplays, overdone played shit, sketchy rhymes and random references. You need to attack your opponent. Tre came more coherently and actually wrote punches specific to you, whether it was attacking your style, attacking the way you carry yourself on the forum or attacking your name. He was focused, and you rambled about cement porn. Take all this creativity you have and utilise it better. It can only come with practice. Open a word document and write non stop till you develop better habits. You have that 'rough diamond' style that just needs some direction and refinement. Vote - Tre |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
Posted: 08 May 2017 at 7:29pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Blood Eclipse.. OK first off your verse was way over 6 bars,this gave your drop a stretched feel to it on reading,coupled with the fact you didn't have many inner rhymes or multi's made the flow spatial,it seemed loose and scatty,you had some good concepts but your wording and length of lines hampered their effect here,plus you did force them somewhat also, and the punches were on the generic side too,now with that typed,your contents overall were decent,they just need polishing or touching up,even though they were in parts irrelevant towards Trizzy,you had a wealth of material in the way of posts and threads he's been in at you finger tips,that's why i feel you dropped the ball as such.. Trizzy.. Yeah i liked how you opened up here,nothing to hard to start with,the punch here was present as to the name flip creating a good personal,your 2nd bar although a good bit of wordplay was in the vein of being generic i thought,there after the your battle brain kicked in & started to add some humour,which only weighted the punches/personals effect,your flow had a steady and constant pace all through on reading really,which just made for an effortless read as well,good verse on the whole as expected from you.. Vote..Trizzy..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
Posted: 08 May 2017 at 8:13pm |
This vote has been accepted by a moderator. Flesh Moon: Now Lil Trezzy is about to be molested by Eclipse using a ``carrot`` because we have to maintain the ``pure see`` [pussy]/ With these metaphors I have to flow upon his viginal juices/ Because yo menstrual cycles are the only time you came close to bloody bruises/ I caught the attempt, but its a big reach for me. the angle is kinda meh to begin with and then youre just on some left field shit. not the best opener. And-the-best-feeling? This sucker -breast-feeding- So we can all understand when he say he -succeeding-[suck-seeding]- Cos them seed that suck the tits is what he's -been-breeding- "them seeds that suck the tits" doesnt make sense grammatically. outside of that.. just no. if youre going for an angle.. dont repeat it. like how much tits can one trizzy tre suckage? feel what im saying? maybe he can suck eggs, dicks and ass.. mix it up, keep us guessing. Fuck openers! I've seen more openers than beer- lids| Back to Trezzy| who the fuck is trezzy See imma give this kid an ass whooping till he -cry-teary-eyes [criterias] for these judges// Imma chop off both your 'hands' so after this you don't ``hold`` no grudges// this was cool. needed a better setup tho. not sure of an "exact" angle.. but the concept was alright. maybe a stealing wins type vibe woulda been cool..which you kinda did.. but it was just a tad too meh for me. I've seen all your verses on the Open Mic are ``EVIL` but I'm the one with the sickest -bar-format- [Baphomet] Fuck you bro, Where the fuck is yo bar-form-at??/ this is your best line so far. Even an "epileptic couple" Can't "shake 0ff" this feeling Pirates of The Caribbean known as The Sea Men (semen) "rides" on these tidal blows like when porn stars climax..see man??/ The sea breaks and the sea mends (cements) That's 'hardcore' bars like charging a Siemens I understand you like to run with the plays, but dont run them into the ground or you just bury yourself… leave a leg to stand on.. so you can get a standing ovation.. from your knee slappers. feel me? I'll go to your profile with a ""sick"" verse like this and "post" cuz i'm tryna send this mail [male] in a ''box'' for coughing (coffin)/ My bars [bus] move people-- I-studied- planetariums hence the buzz [bars] moves the mass [mars] Divert electromagnetic rays.. dawn them like 6:30am cuz after killing him?? Yall will be mourning (morning) !!!! did not understand how bus can be mistaken or stretched for bars or how that correlates at all. the male in a box was kinda ok-ish, but again.. I dunno man.. maybe a justin timberlake reference.. put this dick in a box like SNL Justin? fuck if I know..youre a bit all over the place trying to do wayyyy too much. keep it simple for us morons. Tre Songs: Yo... Listen chump who u zippin up? Actions he never done... Ironic ur names Blood ....when you'll struggle to 'body' anyone!! … blood isnt a body? the body is tissue? blood flows? blood work? not for me. Fuck this newcomer!! Ur first battle? Newbs claim they tough... I open doors for Bums to get 'crack'ed', ....bitch I'm a gateway drug! subtle.. at first I was like lemme find out Tre is a gentlmen and he out here being polite..then you go and call the man a bitch… tossed that theory right out the window. Oh ur fucked! His structure n punches all meaningless... When the only 'Torture Provided' was attempts at reading it! welps. shots fired. critical injuries. You piece of shit wanna be ex-con, but jails a place he never been... Slit your wrist is the only time Blood coming fresh outta anything! didnt like this one.. in general I hate only if/couldnt/wouldnt type lines but this one in particular just fell flat. I think it was the setup. Act like he's Shyne in a Club strapped, his credibility descending... Only time you're Dancing-with-the-Nina is at a Mexican wedding! I understand its a new guy and motivation was probably entire abscent..but two only bars back to back? What am I forgetting? Chalk the body... you know what's mean..? That there's a massacre everytime a Tre and Blood left at a scene! Tre's causing that wreck eh? I think you meant "know what that means" cause I dont get "you know whats mean" even means.. but im with it.. typos happen. overall, this is a weird battle. I think Blood Eclipse will become pretty solid if he slows down on stretching his shit out and just takes the meat of his ideas. I think that Trizzy or Trezzy as hes sometimes known, did a pretty swell job on unloading personals on a relative unknown. decent shit all around. vote = Trezzy Tree |
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#Bananas
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
Posted: 09 May 2017 at 11:37am |
3-0. Trizzlefish wins by KO.
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#Bananas
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