Identity Crisis 2: IC2 Semi-Finals: Battler 1 vs Battler 4 |
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The Law 
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God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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 Topic: IC2 Semi-Finals: Battler 1 vs Battler 4Posted: 22 May 2017 at 2:55pm |
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Identity Crisis: Round 2 - 20-60 Lines. - Best of 7 - Battlers will be anonymous- Votes will be hidden - Sunday May 28th, Midnight UK time Scenario There are two people and a doctor in the hospital room. A person that has been in a coma for a number of years has just woken up... *Keep in mind I used vague terms as I want you to create it in your story. (ex. who are the people). |
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The Law
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God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Posted: 01 June 2017 at 2:15pm |
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Battler 1 "...he's waking..." trembled anxiously from her genuine lips Her hands shaking as his eyes flutter with a strenuous lift A hazy confusion sputters into fear noticing the medicine drip Shock settles in as his reflection doesn't recollect who this gentleman is "Sir, do you know who you are?" said with a sensitive twist Drearily he responded through his fogginess... “...Benjamin Mitt" “Ben, do you know where you are?" "…What happened? My wife Evelyn!? My kids?!" Panic blankets his heart with overwhelming trepidation Thoughts running rampant through the hopeless hell he's facing Christine's fingers run through his hair as he’s uncontrollably sobbing Drowning in his tears on a stranger he shrieks for Vivian & Bobby Observing, the doctor jots his actions penning papers on his clipboard Christine confusingly looks at the doctor with strict form Leaving an impression on the bed as the cushion rises Her green eyes welling with uncertainty… could he survive this? *Exhale*... "Christine, who is Ben? Evelyn? You have children?" The doctor questioning her integrity & treating her as a villain "I don't know! I don't know Bobby or Vivian either!" Pain barreling through her being seems a little bit deeper "Chin up, we have to interview him. Follow my lead" "Ben, I have to ask you some questions before you can leave" "Okay..." “...What year is it?" “...two thousand seventeen" "Good, now what can you tell me about your sleep?" “...It's been awhile... since I've felt alive in some time... Mentally, I'm exhausted, physically I’m in my prime I’m only 29 but with my family I’ve aged, I need to seem the today! Are they okay? You haven’t answered any of my questions!! & who is this woman staring at me with depression?!" "I'm your sister!" Tension in the room is suffocated with congestion Nurses flocking in as Ben is seizing on his death bed "Stabilizing... stabilizing" a woman says from the table's head end Months slip by... nothing ... then Ben eyelids battle to awaken The doctor calls Christine to give her the latest Scrambling through traffic she arrives at the hospital in awe To see her brother & to overhear that it is not her brother at all "Doc what is going on?" "Christine this is Jennifer Robinson." She is a 12-year-old college genius at Providence ...The emptiness is dominating; her helplessness is bottomless The cliff-hanging silence in the room left only oxygen "Who?" she uttered softly... "Jennif... CODE BLACK!!" Nurses stampeded bedside & even Christine in their path Her head thuds the floor with a thunderous clap As her Vision is shrinking into darkness personnel rushes to act "...Christine... Christine..." faintly says a voice she warmly recognized She cannot see but only feel in the nothingness she confined An external experience, a spiritual essence slumber Her brother Michael's voice reverberates her emotions to rupture She calls back to him. Then other voices begin clogging her mind Piercing bright lights strike her pupils virtually locking her blind A new doctor hovers over "Do you know who you are?" fixing his belt "...I'm Christine Clark"... The fear in his face is something she's felt Another man that's distant melts, she understood his pain As she was once in his position trying to comprehend the same Immediate darkness hit Christine with breathtaking impact Back in the endlessness with the voices that trapped That is when reality struck as this imprisonment is so cold Every comma patient is frozen in this place from broken souls Time is nonexistent, how long she's been gone is unknown Periodically she's conscious but not within her own She is now another soul drifting from body to body looking for home |
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The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Posted: 01 June 2017 at 2:15pm |
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Battler 1 wins via no show.
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Crimson Juice
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Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Posted: 01 June 2017 at 2:47pm |
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Wow i loved the story progression and the story itself for that matter,this was very
creative in contents and vocab,plus it read with pace and ease althrough,the concept of a coma patient was a fresh solid angle to use,and boy you did it justice also,sorry it's only a little bit of feedback here instead of a vote,as this verse would be right at home in the OM section,perhaps Law could post them up for feedback purpose only,anyways a tremendous read good work..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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