Open Mic: Oh WORD?!...play

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Just a little something...

Flow "retarded, I go mental" with this ability (disability)
Skills greater than infinity
You should head off like a guillotine 
You should know now I don't "toy" around if you still figuring ( figurine )
"Sleeping" with yo girl doing things she couldn't even "dream"
She was "Fantastic 4" the evening 
"Stretch" her out, made her "hot"then I "disappeared" cause she don't mean a "Thing"
Just "Marvel" at that little scheme
You couldn't see me if you were visiting 
The throne, I don't see you up on it
So I don't see you as an opponent 
The point is you're "pointless" because it's rude to point!
I say that with an exclamation ( ! ) cause I'm getting "right down to the point."
"Mad" skills got u "upset" at this point(disappoint)
Because these lyrics I "Draft",  no one can bare (can beer)
"I can see right through you" so "stand clear"
A true mastah 
"Murder is how I do rappas"
So keep it "moving, man" unless you want me "to pack" ya (Tupac ya)
Make haste or you get Scars if u don't Mufasa (move fastah) 
You got no crew, You Han Solo ( hang solo) where's Chewbacca?
My crew PHAT (fat) whose hip? apart from us (hippopotamus)
I'm VIRTUALly the best - Oculus

I'm done

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GDNYT Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 24 April 2014 Location: 10th dimension Status: Offline Points: 133	Post Options Post Reply Quote GDNYT Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Oh WORD?!...play Posted: 07 June 2017 at 1:01pm
	Just a little something... Flow "retarded, I go mental" with this ability (disability) Skills greater than infinity You should head off like a guillotine You should know now I don't "toy" around if you still figuring ( figurine ) "Sleeping" with yo girl doing things she couldn't even "dream" She was "Fantastic 4" the evening "Stretch" her out, made her "hot"then I "disappeared" cause she don't mean a "Thing" Just "Marvel" at that little scheme You couldn't see me if you were visiting The throne, I don't see you up on it So I don't see you as an opponent The point is you're "pointless" because it's rude to point! I say that with an exclamation ( ! ) cause I'm getting "right down to the point." "Mad" skills got u "upset" at this point(disappoint) Because these lyrics I "Draft", no one can bare (can beer) "I can see right through you" so "stand clear" A true mastah "Murder is how I do rappas" So keep it "moving, man" unless you want me "to pack" ya (Tupac ya) Make haste or you get Scars if u don't Mufasa (move fastah) You got no crew, You Han Solo ( hang solo) where's Chewbacca? My crew PHAT (fat) whose hip? apart from us (hippopotamus) I'm VIRTUALly the best - Oculus I'm done

Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 07 June 2017 at 4:14pm
	You should head off like a guillotine You should know now I don't "toy" around if you still figuring ( figurine ) (yeah I like the way this flows,nothing to complicated just nice and simple,the wordplay was good but had a forced feel to it here,but no biggie it still had merit attached on reading,plus opening up with some sprite is always good for a selfhype piece.) "Sleeping" with yo girl doing things she couldn't even "dream" She was "Fantastic 4" the evening "Stretch" her out, made her "hot"then I "disappeared" cause she don't mean a "Thing" Just "Marvel" at that little scheme You couldn't see me if you were visiting The throne, I don't see you up on it So I don't see you as an opponent The point is you're "pointless" because it's rude to point! I say that with an exclamation ( ! ) cause I'm getting "right down to the point." (again liking the tempo here,it has a pacey vibe when being read,the only real problem i have here is the speech brackets on the plays,it makes a reader pause on reading and in essence breaks flow, most ppl here will see and catch the plays just fine without them,I like the way you woven marvel characters within this,and depicting some via their ability,nice inclusion overall, good work thus far..) "Mad" skills got u "upset" at this point(disappoint) Because these lyrics I "Draft", no one can bare (can beer) "I can see right through you" so "stand clear" A true mastah "Murder is how I do rappas" So keep it "moving, man" unless you want me "to pack" ya (Tupac ya) Make haste or you get Scars if u don't Mufasa (move fastah) You got no crew, You Han Solo ( hang solo) where's Chewbacca? My crew PHAT (fat) whose hip? apart from us (hippopotamus) I'm VIRTUALly the best - Oculus (again the concepts and angles are. Creative here,I'm enjoying this despite my gripes, even though the plays are forced,and to some extent tired and used,you managed to freshen them up some and made them appealing,overall a good display of wordplay, nothing to heavy or with that oh shit factor,but still a pleasing read..).. Peace.
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".

Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 June 2017 at 1:19am
	Flow "retarded, I go mental" with this ability (disability) Skills greater than infinity You should head off like a guillotine Cool little play with the head off like a guillotine but the previous lines were filler which didn't build it up. I would have changed them to something that'd enhance the wordplay you were going for You should know now I don't "toy" around if you still figuring ( figurine ) "Sleeping" with yo girl doing things she couldn't even "dream" still figuring felt a bit forced, sleeping with your girl lines are always, couldnt dream got some points for originality but still kinda made a face at my computer screen reading it She was "Fantastic 4" the evening "Stretch" her out, made her "hot"then I "disappeared" cause she don't mean a "Thing" ye this is better for the punch style youre going for here. good job Just "Marvel" at that little scheme You couldn't see me if you were visiting The throne, I don't see you up on it So I don't see you as an opponent The point is you're "pointless" because it's rude to point! I say that with an exclamation ( ! ) cause I'm getting "right down to the point." few lines of filler, attempted something with the rude to point set up that didn't really follow through "Mad" skills got u "upset" at this point(disappoint) no. Because these lyrics I "Draft", no one can bare (can beer) NO "I can see right through you" so "stand clear" A true mastah "Murder is how I do rappas" NOOO So keep it "moving, man" unless you want me "to pack" ya (Tupac ya) Make haste or you get Scars if u don't Mufasa (move fastah) ^Decent You got no crew, You Han Solo ( hang solo) where's Chewbacca? My crew PHAT (fat) whose hip? apart from us (hippopotamus) Just because it kinda of sort of sounds slightly similar doesn't make it wordplay. I'm VIRTUALly the best - Oculus Occulus* There were a few cool lines here but I didn't found this to have been executed well for the style you intended. I did get through it so it wasn't complete dogshit. Keep ze pen-a-moving tho broseph my goteseph