Open Mic: Hate keystyle

I hate everything
Every start every end
I hate everything
I Had it carved
On my skin
I hate everything
You and myself too
The wall of shame
glue you and myself to it
The Allports scale
Is used to hand my hell to em
Forging layers
views skew except the shells movement
I'll show what despair is meant to do
Enter you all the Disparagement is true
dis pair is meant to dis a parriage
With clips I'm mailing to em
So if they disappear its cool
There'll be pics of every dude
With the "missing" heading used
But my Pencils very stupid
When they clip that there it fumes
Then I scribble scary clues
With a ridiculous alias to it
Attack religions too
Compare me with Crucified
Bastard for like him
I never had actual feelings too
I'm Aires just how cruel am I
Fuck the trances bitches do
I'll present them pistols to
Blast em whilst they groove and vibe
To a god whom I swear is phony
There ceremonies have em throw me
That bag of spirit shrooms
Before I use the nine
If the lord can hear cries
The end he'll send ya to it
Not the origin of life
How appalling is the sight
Of a disabled person
Feel sorry for em why
I think those lames deserve it
I ain't concerned Bout shit
Thats foreign to this guy
For I get pleased when I prefer shouting
I'm Nerd scouting
Where's there's order he is violent
At the local library
My goals to silence piece
you Heard Crowley
Was the most evil man
But its most likely me
I was born with this inside
Let's see If these Nerds doubt it

I thought the beginning 6 bars have the real potential for a solid hook. I read it was "My Words Are Weapons" by Eminem aggression. In my head, it was a really nice hook. As far as the piece goes, I liked what you were getting at however how you got there wasn't my taste. What I mean is, although your lines are extremely short, how written, it comes off choppy. I'd like to see slightly longer lines to give each line an easier transition. The disabled person line was kinda tough, saying that they deserved it. This piece is full of anger and I think that's what you were going for. I guess in retrospect, it kinda of has a choppy "Kim" feel... but nonetheless its harder to adjust to while reading text.