Open Mic: God cant Crack Me |
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daydizzle89 
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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 Topic: God cant Crack MePosted: 22 June 2017 at 5:24pm |
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 Im stone cold, concrete with my beliefs and morals Wiped away clean the catastrophes and quarrels Once lived on the streets like a rose that wilts I conquered my demons and flourished like chlorophyll A torn ill mind will eat you alive like Necrotizing Fasciitis It's terrifying when you fucking recognize this grappling life with... having yourself terrorizing your mind with attacking its brightness I was dark with my thoughts and now can see the light with... Cracking habits and exercising kindness I was once spiraling towards the depths with Midas A bump of white lightning up my sinuses to fight a crisis I'd get excited nd wanted to live life with wildness I was childish...a spineless soul with no foundation Now I sit atop of a mountain pounding out hatred God had me death bound but now I go rounds nd take shit God.. you ain't shit, you can't crack THIS CLASS CLOWN DAYDIZZ I've been on a rebound and now I'm devout nd sacred You put me down and now I'm out with horns aloud with Satan I'll douse God in gasoline and set him up in flames with... six six six painted onto his brain and make him sin My past? I created it Yet today I'm in a different state and vacated it I'm not invaded with greatness and I don't thank outside forces The difference between me and Jesus? I won't die nd forfeit The heavenly gates were prison and Moses was the warden The distorted life I lived.... Religion endorsed it I'm spiritually sound and will and now my life is enormous Fuck a saint, I'm an embodied force that's remorseless Fuck the Mormons, I don't reach for the sky, I'm grasping orbits I'm a bull at the pearly gates and I symbolize the Zaurus When I meet God at his door, shit. I'll give him my organs Cuz God is just in the mind of the less fortunate My past life, I'm over it Edited by daydizzle89 - 22 June 2017 at 6:20pm |
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iLL ScriptureZ
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 22 June 2017 at 6:18pm |
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You showed me a glimpse of this earlier and I was impressed. To be honest this may be your best piece to date. The emotion you carried through this was deep and it read as such. Something that was trialing bled through this and by the end it was delivered as a closed door and a step forward. Loved how it felt and came full circle for me. Almost like tying loose ends. Technically, you are getting better. You really hands down have your own style and say fuck it I'm gonna do me at the end of the day. Which has to be admired. You're working on multis more and more but not you're working on incorporating the story, theme and concept. Tremendous job on this piece man.
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-Que-
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Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 23 June 2017 at 9:49am |
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 Dizz.... I'm a big fan bro. Watching you grow has been one of the greatest highlights of my visits back n forth here. You went from disruptive to eruptive in a very short time. Your skill just keeps improving with time. The concept of this piece is nice. Just wanted to say keep growing and stay improving.
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Nigma
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Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision   |
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Posted: 25 June 2017 at 10:19pm |
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Im stone cold, concrete with my beliefs and morals Wiped away clean the catastrophes and quarrels Once lived on the streets like a rose that wilts I conquered my demons and flourished like chlorophyll Usually the sparkle within a simile/metaphor lies within the splicing of wires between two seperate things and the image it develops. This was mechanically strong but conceptually could have been a lot better executed with the second line. you definitely could have been able to change the 'conquered demons' to something that better developed the roses/wilts. Mechanics take this to an average line but this is a critisism aimed to take things to the next level. A torn ill mind will eat you alive like Necrotizing Fasciitis It's terrifying when you fucking recognize this grappling life with... having yourself terrorizing your mind with attacking its brightness I was dark with my thoughts and now can see the light with... Cracking habits and exercising kindness I was once spiraling towards the depths with Midas A bump of white lightning up my sinuses to fight a crisis I'd get excited nd wanted to live life with wildness you got flowing here, really strong segment. you're now getting comfortable seeing passed the restraints of a line to line format. cool internalised content paired with some nice flow. I was childish...a spineless soul with no foundation ^transition like a boss Now I sit atop of a mountain pounding out hatred God had me death bound but now I go rounds nd take shit God.. you ain't shit, you can't crack THIS CLASS CLOWN DAYDIZZ I've been on a rebound and now I'm devout nd sacred You put me down and now I'm out with horns aloud with Satan I'll douse God in gasoline and set him up in flames with... six six six painted onto his brain and make him sin My past? I created it Yet today I'm in a different state and vacated it I'm not invaded with greatness and I don't thank outside forces pants full of assonance The difference between me and Jesus? I won't die nd forfeit dang The heavenly gates were prison and Moses was the warden The distorted life I lived.... Religion endorsed it I'm spiritually sound and will and now my life is enormous sound and will? nah Fuck a saint, I'm an embodied force that's remorseless Fuck the Mormons, I don't reach for the sky, I'm grasping orbits I'm a bull at the pearly gates and I symbolize the Zaurus When I meet God at his door, shit. I'll give him my organs Cuz God is just in the mind of the less fortunate My past life, I'm over it interesting verse daydazzizizllez. your mechanics continue to grow and youre dropping some solid sections of flow and well thought out 1 liners at times. ended abruptly, overall was a very decent vent piece
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daydizzle89
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 26 June 2017 at 2:29pm |
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Thanks for the feed wiggas. Ill drop a more detailed verse to make you wet yourself Niggy
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 30 June 2017 at 9:10pm |
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You have these pocket syllables (for lack of better terminology) that are unique to your brand of writing. However, in a way we write similar. I say that because you seem to write with the intention of having your verses read aloud or uttered under breath so that the audience will have to verbally pronounce each word in order to truly appreciate the craftsmanship present within your flow. Thus, your pieces always have a hint of life and vibrancy and become an interactive experience for the reader. The lines quoted above roll of the tongue smoothly and also serve as a perfect example of what it is I mean.
That's pretty cool wordplay, except "chlorophyll is more or less just a chemical contained within a planet that produces its greenish color ... buuut it's still pretty cool nonetheless.
I'm digging your translational wordplay and how it streams from line to line. I also like the depth and sense of poetry you displayed in the above quoted section. Thus far this has proven to be a very sophisticated piece.
Damn, this is some twisted and sacrilegious shit right here. Then again, I guess that's the point. In any case, the flow is starting to intensify and your words are electric and full of rage. Crazy imagery as well. Literally ... crazy. Lets see where this goes.
I'm not sure the exact point your trying to make with this piece other than you either don't believe in a higher power or you feel slighted by one. However, all things considered when I look at your rhyme scheme and your imagery ... ..... ... .. . . I must conclude this was one thoroughly impressive post and I had a lot of fun reading it. Insane shit per usual Dizz. Keep pushing the pen or in your case dagger. Peace... |
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Im stone cold, concrete with my beliefs and morals