Open Mic: This Verse Is To You |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 03 July 2017 at 4:42pm |
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It seems seamless in motion these evil schemes that I've molded Even the people I roll with can't conceive what I'm flowin' How scenic the road is, please don't intervene with the motives To have these weasels just chokin' like a penis deep-throated Like art on the easel, I've sculpted hardships with reason A part of me being the boldest artist with an eagle reloaded See the frees aren't frozen, fluid like deep seas of the ocean A demon promoted to harvest the garbage ya'll frequently postin' I mean it, it's over! No more readin' what you muster The weak shit & the clutter, catch me deep dickin' your mother A warrior not a Peacenik, keep the piece gripped in a tussle So fightin' me is as pointless as ski trips in the summer Flea if you must you'll leave in the dust, sweep it up under The carpet with the carcasses, bon appetit, just this once Or maybe three in each month like a seasonal lunch Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs Then the feet & fists that's me eatin' a punch Ya'll can't believe what it was but to me it's a wonder How you sheep can sleep & dream in a slumber Glorifyin' the hood, in the mean streets with a hustle I guess mediocrity is the missin' piece to the puzzle They say some lines don't match & when I reach it just ruptures Tryna school me on basics give me a degree on the structure I'm uneducated but what you can't teach is this hunger Leave it to others remindin' me of past women I've dated Timid, impatient then play the victim she made Spread rumors about me fuckin' & that image she hated Said I was a minuteman but that minutes amazin'! Isn't it funny how my honey loved those sixty seconds She was beautifully content now she's pretty threatened So now you can find me stalkin' the night armed with a knife In the bushes of a dwellin' where I'm parked out of sight This girl my targeted wife but left my ass cuz of debt The "it's not you, it's me" thought would get traction instead Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess I love givin' my ex-hell like the last gasp of her death I know I'm ramblin' & babblin' with these words that I spew It takes talent to make it personal like this verse is to you !
Edited by iLL ScriptureZ - 03 July 2017 at 5:07pm |
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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What's good Ill,
Your writing style is so fluid Bro, the multies were banging and the unique rhymes were there which made the read fresh. The first 10 lines were my favorite part of the piece. My only suggestion is to loose the italics lol but that's minor |
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The original comeback kid
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Thanks man. I've been using the italics from day one. Kind of just stuck
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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ill i will def get to this later today, bro.
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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this shit was riddled with multis. The flow is bar none and natural as fuck. The way you use unorthodox vocabulary and transitions is hella dope. This piece is flames. Rhymed 90% of this verse with ease. You no human bruh.
Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs Then the feet & fists that's me eatin' a punch Ya'll can't believe what it was but to me it's a wonder How you sheep can sleep & dream in a slumber ------------ Grown man abilities here. Just fucking nasty |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Sammy... I'm waiting on it...
Dizzle.. thanks man
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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Loved the consistency of your schemes here, thought the transitions were another highlight. Content was quite enjoyable, the beginning felt like you were just having fun with it. I thoroughly enjoyed the art on the easel/slumber references. Great read.
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Alice, thank you.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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Very nicely expressed here Champ,a forceful piece on reading not quite a selfhype
piece as such,but more of a statement in essence,this is one of those verse that just pulls you straight in via the wording/vocab,many many lines here that could be hashed out and highlighted in truth,your similes were solid too,chokin/deep throat in was real raw and and added a layer of gruesome/coldness,your rhyme scheme was easily absorbed and firing too,your multi's via syllables were 2 and over for the most part here,which gave a basic vibe when reading but when seeing it was a different matter,in fact that pretty much sums up this piece,it's layered in a subtle manner,it has underlining tones so to speak,and yes credit for your structure also..lol,a well crafted verse that gave me enjoyment reading..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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Storm $hadow
Groupie Joined: 25 July 2015 Location: Abuja Status: Offline Points: 329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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Alright.
The first portion got me thinking ' whadafuq? If y'all go for the big words who would give me a killer verse with basic wordings?'. Exo will so I got no problem with it. Back on track; It seems seamless in motion these evil schemes that I've molded Even the people I roll with can't conceive what I'm flowin' How scenic the road is, please don't intervene with the motives To have these weasels just chokin' like a penis deep-throated All these are amazing, really amazing but my favourite is the first line. The 'seem' and 'seamless' part killed it.Your evil-ness might be without thread but your flow is 'so so seamstress'. And then the second line complemented it with that 'i am light years ahead of my peers'. And the third line? Nobody would intervene, just ride on man... The fourth line came raw, smooth but raw.. I'm not a fan of words that flow in that direction when it comes to writing but I got no hate for them either. In summary, the first line glorified your art not just with the speech you made but you proved it. Like art on the easel, I've sculpted hardships with reason A part of me being the boldest artist with an eagle reloaded See the frees aren't frozen, fluid like deep seas of the ocean A demon promoted to harvest the garbage ya'll frequently postin' ... Here, you reflected on what you've done in your previous works. The common topics being hardship and it's like beating your chest like 'i'm the best, even my Freestyle is effortless and when viewed, it's ahead of what you will months to script'. I mean it, it's over! No more readin' what you muster The weak shit & the clutter, catch me deep dickin' your mother A warrior not a Peacenik, keep the piece gripped in a tussle So fightin' me is as pointless as ski trips in the summer Flea if you must you'll leave in the dust, sweep it up under The carpet with the carcasses, bon appetit, just this once Or maybe three in each month like a seasonal lunch Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs Then the feet & fists that'with me eating punch' came off sweet. So now you can find me stalkin' the night armed with a knife In the bushes of a dwellin' where I'm parked out of sight This girl my targeted wife but left my ass cuz of debt The "it's not you, it's me" thought would get traction instead Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess I love givin' my ex-hell like the last gasp of her death I know I'm ramblin' & babblin' with these words that I spew It takes talent to make it personal like this verse is to you ! You literally got me speechless here so I'm gonna spare myself the stress and let the vets here give you a proper feedback. This shit is beyond my power.... |
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Storm $hadow
Groupie Joined: 25 July 2015 Location: Abuja Status: Offline Points: 329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL |
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Apology man, messed up feedback. On phone so some message got twisted and not all came..
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Storm & Crim, thanks.
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King Jehu
Veteran Joined: 23 January 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6088 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #4 Stats: 54-18-1 Form: WLWWWL |
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I enjoyed this (and I rarely enjoy reading verses anymore). A little rambly on subject matter, but the rhymes were great and I liked how you kept schemes going.
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Insert something rappy here
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SELF ACTIVATE
Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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iLL, one day you and I are going to have to settle this thing once and for all. We're gonna have to have a scheme war to determine who has the more fluid flow. Cos Jesus man your shit is like a broken facet. It just keeps flowing and flowing with no signs of stoppage or disruption. It's incredibly impressive. I can read your verses without ever having to pause or worry about stumbling over clumsily placed syllables or words. It's just smooth writing and superior technique from to bottom, which is made even more impressive by the fact you're not rhyming just to rhyme. Instead you're actually saying stuff ... funny stuff, wittyband clever things, smart stuff, important points. It's just of pure quality and a true testament to your writing ability and prowess.
Sometimes I read your stuff just to study your technique. It becomes more educational than casual. For instance, that last line is fire. Not necessarily what it's saying, but more so how it's worded. It all fits into place perfectly, like a puzzle piece. It's what you would call craftsmanship, except with the pen.
Smh...the imagery is crazy and the multis are masterful. This isn't even serious subject-matter, but even your flex joints are worthy of high esteem.
I love the double meaning involving "sheep". I get it. Clever.
"CHURCH! Tabernacle"
Lol...
Bruh, the comedy combined with crisp imagery, finely tuned wording, and slick rhymes is making this one hell of a read.
Dope! Ya a rillz bad mons my boi. Real talk. Your arsenal is complete. I'm inspired. You know what I mean. Keep doing ya thing. It's a pleasure to observe. Peace. |
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EcK
Groupie Joined: 23 June 2017 Status: Offline Points: 31 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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"Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed
Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess " =fire
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