Open Mic: This Verse Is To You

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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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    Posted: 03 July 2017 at 4:42pm

It seems seamless in motion these evil schemes that I've molded
Even the people I roll with can't conceive what I'm flowin'
How scenic the road is, please don't intervene with the motives 
To have these weasels just chokin' like a penis deep-throated
Like art on the easel, I've sculpted hardships with reason
A part of me being the boldest artist with an eagle reloaded 
See the frees aren't frozen, fluid like deep seas of the ocean
A demon promoted to harvest the garbage ya'll frequently postin'
I mean it, it's over! 
No more readin' what you muster 
The weak shit & the clutter, catch me deep dickin' your mother
A warrior not a Peacenik, keep the piece gripped in a tussle
So fightin' me is as pointless as ski trips in the summer
Flea if you must you'll leave in the dust, sweep it up under
The carpet with the carcasses, bon appetit, just this once
Or maybe three in each month like a seasonal lunch 
Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs 
Then the feet & fists that's me eatin' a punch
Ya'll can't believe what it was but to me it's a wonder
How you sheep can sleep & dream in a slumber
Glorifyin' the hood, in the mean streets with a hustle 
I guess mediocrity is the missin' piece to the puzzle
They say some lines don't match & when I reach it just ruptures 
Tryna school me on basics give me a degree on the structure 
I'm uneducated but what you can't teach is this hunger 
Leave it to others remindin' me of past women I've dated
Timid, impatient then play the victim she made 
Spread rumors about me fuckin' & that image she hated 
Said I was a minuteman but that minutes amazin'!
Isn't it funny how my honey loved those sixty seconds
She was beautifully content now she's pretty threatened 
So now you can find me stalkin' the night armed with a knife 
In the bushes of a dwellin' where I'm parked out of sight
This girl my targeted wife but left my ass cuz of debt
The "it's not you, it's me" thought would get traction instead
Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed
Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess 
I love givin' my ex-hell like the last gasp of her death
I know I'm ramblin' & babblin' with these words that I spew
It takes talent to make it personal like this verse is to you !


Edited by iLL ScriptureZ - 03 July 2017 at 5:07pm
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DressToKill View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 July 2017 at 5:18pm
What's good Ill,

Your writing style is so fluid Bro, the multies were banging and the unique rhymes were there which made the read fresh. The first 10 lines were my favorite part of the piece. My only suggestion is to loose the italics lol but that's minor
The original comeback kid
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 July 2017 at 1:19am
Thanks man. I've been using the italics from day one. Kind of just stuck
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Sammy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sammy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 July 2017 at 6:41am
ill i will def get to this later today, bro. 


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 July 2017 at 6:39pm
this shit was riddled with multis. The flow is bar none and natural as fuck. The way you use unorthodox vocabulary and transitions is hella dope. This piece is flames. Rhymed 90% of this verse with ease. You no human bruh.

Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs 
Then the feet & fists that's me eatin' a punch
Ya'll can't believe what it was but to me it's a wonder
How you sheep can sleep & dream in a slumber
------------
Grown man abilities here. Just fucking nasty
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 July 2017 at 8:33pm
Sammy... I'm waiting on it...

Dizzle.. thanks man
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 July 2017 at 12:14am
Loved the consistency of your schemes here, thought the transitions were another highlight. Content was quite enjoyable, the beginning felt like you were just having fun with it. I thoroughly enjoyed the art on the easel/slumber references. Great read.
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2017 at 1:32pm
Alice, thank you.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 July 2017 at 4:52pm
Very nicely expressed here Champ,a forceful piece on reading not quite a selfhype
piece as such,but more of a statement in essence,this is one of those verse that
just pulls you straight in via the wording/vocab,many many lines here that could
be hashed out and highlighted in truth,your similes were solid too,chokin/deep
throat in was real raw and and added a layer of gruesome/coldness,your rhyme scheme was easily absorbed and firing too,your multi's via syllables were 2 and
over for the most part here,which gave a basic vibe when reading but when seeing
it was a different matter,in fact that pretty much sums up this piece,it's layered in
a subtle manner,it has underlining tones so to speak,and yes credit for your structure
also..lol,a well crafted verse that gave me enjoyment reading..peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Storm $hadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 July 2017 at 10:44pm
Alright.
The first portion got me thinking ' whadafuq? If y'all go for the big words who would give me a killer verse with basic wordings?'. Exo will so I got no problem with it.


Back on track;


It seems seamless in motion these evil schemes that I've molded
Even the people I roll with can't conceive what I'm flowin'
How scenic the road is, please don't intervene with the motives
To have these weasels just chokin' like a penis deep-throated


All these are amazing, really amazing but my favourite is the first line. The 'seem' and 'seamless' part killed it.Your evil-ness might be without thread but your flow is 'so so seamstress'. And then the second line complemented it with that 'i am light years ahead of my peers'. And the third line? Nobody would intervene, just ride on man... The fourth line came raw, smooth but raw.. I'm not a fan of words that flow in that direction when it comes to writing but I got no hate for them either. In summary, the first line glorified your art not just with the speech you made but you proved it.


Like art on the easel, I've sculpted hardships with reason
A part of me being the boldest artist with an eagle reloaded
See the frees aren't frozen, fluid like deep seas of the ocean
A demon promoted to harvest the garbage ya'll frequently postin'



... Here, you reflected on what you've done in your previous works. The common topics being hardship and it's like beating your chest like 'i'm the best, even my Freestyle is effortless and when viewed, it's ahead of what you will months to script'.




I mean it, it's over!
No more readin' what you muster
The weak shit & the clutter, catch me deep dickin' your mother
A warrior not a Peacenik, keep the piece gripped in a tussle
So fightin' me is as pointless as ski trips in the summer
Flea if you must you'll leave in the dust, sweep it up under
The carpet with the carcasses, bon appetit, just this once
Or maybe three in each month like a seasonal lunch
Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs
Then the feet & fists that'with me eating punch' came off sweet.        So now you can find me stalkin' the night armed with a knife In the bushes of a dwellin' where I'm parked out of sight This girl my targeted wife but left my ass cuz of debt The "it's not you, it's me" thought would get traction instead Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess I love givin' my ex-hell like the last gasp of her death I know I'm ramblin' & babblin' with these words that I spew It takes talent to make it personal like this verse is to you !     You literally got me speechless here so I'm gonna spare myself the stress and let the vets here give you a proper feedback. This shit is beyond my power....
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Storm $hadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 July 2017 at 10:50pm
Apology man, messed up feedback. On phone so some message got twisted and not all came..
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iLL ScriptureZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote iLL ScriptureZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 July 2017 at 2:42pm
Storm & Crim, thanks.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote King Jehu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 July 2017 at 6:39am
I enjoyed this (and I rarely enjoy reading verses anymore). A little rambly on subject matter, but the rhymes were great and I liked how you kept schemes going.
Insert something rappy here
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2017 at 3:14am
Quote It seems seamless in motion these evil schemes that I've molded
Even the people I roll with can't conceive what I'm flowin'
How scenic the road is, please don't intervene with the motives 
To have these weasels just chokin' like a penis deep-throated
Like art on the easel, I've sculpted hardships with reason
A part of me being the boldest artist with an eagle reloaded 
See the frees aren't frozen, fluid like deep seas of the ocean
A demon promoted to harvest the garbage ya'll frequently postin'


iLL, one day you and I are going to have to settle this thing once and for all. We're gonna have to have a scheme war to determine who has the more fluid flow. Cos Jesus man your shit is like a broken facet. It just keeps flowing and flowing with no signs of stoppage or disruption. It's incredibly impressive. I can read your verses without ever having to pause or worry about stumbling over clumsily placed syllables or words. It's just smooth writing and superior technique from to bottom, which is made even more impressive by the fact you're not rhyming just to rhyme. Instead you're actually saying stuff ... funny stuff, wittyband clever things, smart stuff, important points. It's just of pure quality and a true testament to your writing ability and prowess.

Quote I mean it, it's over! 
No more readin' what you muster 
The weak shit & the clutter, catch me deep dickin' your mother
A warrior not a Peacenik, keep the piece gripped in a tussle
So fightin' me is as pointless as ski trips in the summer
Flea if you must you'll leave in the dust, sweep it up under
The carpet with the carcasses, bon appetit, just this once


Sometimes I read your stuff just to study your technique. It becomes more educational than casual. For instance, that last line is fire. Not necessarily what it's saying, but more so how it's worded. It all fits into place perfectly, like a puzzle piece. It's what you would call craftsmanship, except with the pen.

Quote Or maybe three in each month like a seasonal lunch 
Sink my teeth in a rush shred the meat from the nubs 
Then the feet & fists that's me eatin' a punch
Ya'll can't believe what it was but to me it's a wonder


Smh...the imagery is crazy and the multis are masterful. This isn't even serious subject-matter, but even your flex joints are worthy of high esteem.

Quote How you sheep can sleep & dream in a slumber


I love the double meaning involving "sheep". I get it. Clever.

Quote
Glorifyin' the hood, in the mean streets with a hustle 
I guess mediocrity is the missin' piece to the puzzle
They say some lines don't match & when I reach it just ruptures 
Tryna school me on basics give me a degree on the structure 


"CHURCH! Tabernacle"

Quote
I'm uneducated but what you can't teach is this hunger 
Leave it to others remindin' me of past women I've dated
Timid, impatient then play the victim she made 
Spread rumors about me fuckin' & that image she hated 
Said I was a minuteman but that minutes amazin'!


Lol...

Quote Isn't it funny how my honey loved those sixty seconds
She was beautifully content now she's pretty threatened 
So now you can find me stalkin' the night armed with a knife 
In the bushes of a dwellin' where I'm parked out of sight


Bruh, the comedy combined with crisp imagery, finely tuned wording, and slick rhymes is making this one hell of a read.

Quote This girl my targeted wife but left my ass cuz of debt
The "it's not you, it's me" thought would get traction instead
Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed
Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess 
I love givin' my ex-hell like the last gasp of her death
I know I'm ramblin' & babblin' with these words that I spew
It takes talent to make it personal like this verse is to you !


Dope!

Ya a rillz bad mons my boi. Real talk. Your arsenal is complete. I'm inspired. You know what I mean. Keep doing ya thing. It's a pleasure to observe. Peace.




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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote EcK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 July 2017 at 7:08pm
"Been sendin' her notes my breath on the phone laughin' in bed
Watchin' her look over her shoulder is a habit I guess "

=fire
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