Open Mic: Fractured Figments - Vlad + Nemean |
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Vlad
Newbie Joined: 30 August 2017 Status: Offline Points: 8 |
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Posted: 07 October 2017 at 6:46am |
Fractured Figments A dog barks into an empty field as i walk past, ears I attempt to shield heavy steps as I muddled through until distracted by a puddles view a glare keeps me from the courses I differ I stare deep through porcelain shimmers... Fractured figments; a mind wrapped in instants, Memories stacked yet distant, A blotched canvas trapped in pigments; Cracked yet brilliant. A broken reflection stuck in a two way mirror, Part darkness, apart, heartless, A hearts carcass, Reaching for a start, chartless. Singular sentiments seem simple, soothing, Yet a blind mind provides such single movements, Indulging in war is not a symbol blooming, When the fight against oneself is like a cymbal booming. Gathered in the corner of a room like dust and debris from the breeze Nothing, yet as real as the dimples and dots you see when you sneeze The tormented tension, the infectious inch of doubt that divides a hope Time, twisting and turning I’m the grey scale inside the kaleidoscope Force feed my soul with the anxious thoughts like furrowed seeds Fracturing through saturated soil just to get stifled by thorough needs such a callous carcass, a vehicle, void, empty of any rhyme or reason coasting cautiously completely unaware of change in any time or season whilst winters frigidity looms I’m oblivious, anaesthetized numb to touch which wallowing justification will I use, what excuse will I run to clutch? Stunned; a bitter chill travels down my spine, Blinking, vision returning, unraveling my mind, A minute trapped in motion, Within that captured notion, A hint; encapsulating focus, providing a seasoned grip, The realization; It's my life, and now I see what I can fix ..... .... ... .. . |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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A dog barks into an empty field
as i walk past, ears I attempt to shield heavy steps as I muddled through until distracted by a puddles view a glare keeps me from the courses I differ I stare deep through porcelain shimmers... (beautiful opening segment here,poetic and vibrant via the imagery and word choices which is an art on its own,i could actually picture the scene so props there,i liked the constant assault of info on the senses too,gave this section a sense of confusion/urgency no matter how slow it's digested,yeah i'm liking this for sure..) Fractured figments; a mind wrapped in instants, Memories stacked yet distant, A blotched canvas trapped in pigments; Cracked yet brilliant. A broken reflection stuck in a two way mirror, Part darkness, apart, heartless, A hearts carcass, Reaching for a start, chartless. Singular sentiments seem simple, soothing, Yet a blind mind provides such single movements, Indulging in war is not a symbol blooming, When the fight against oneself is like a cymbal booming. (yeah the rolling picture board effect is ripe here,again vivid in depiction,which triggers a natural feel via progression of subject matter,(I'm must say this is some entertaining work,your writing ability is promoting the reader to stay tuned like a radio),but at the same allowing to be easily absorbed by any & all interlect,(there's something for everyone,nice..) Gathered in the corner of a room like dust and debris from the breeze Nothing, yet as real as the dimples and dots you see when you sneeze The tormented tension, the infectious inch of doubt that divides a hope Time, twisting and turning I’m the grey scale inside the kaleidoscope Force feed my soul with the anxious thoughts like furrowed seeds Fracturing through saturated soil just to get stifled by thorough needs such a callous carcass, a vehicle, void, empty of any rhyme or reason coasting cautiously completely unaware of change in any time or season whilst winters frigidity looms I’m oblivious, anaesthetized numb to touch which wallowing justification will I use, what excuse will I run to clutch? (the break between each segment is working real well to bring this piece like a cinematic film,or dare i say book vibe whilst reading,as both seem entwined, your craft in rhyme is nailed down your experienced in mechanics and simple tempo which makes a person turn fish, (HOOKED), again nice segment..) Stunned; a bitter chill travels down my spine, Blinking, vision returning, unraveling my mind, A minute trapped in motion, Within that captured notion, A hint; encapsulating focus, providing a seasoned grip, The realization; It's my life, and now I see what I can fix (ain't hope a natural reflex in humanity,(as no hope therefore can't be false),yeah I'm feeling this piece,you had me glued from the start via matter and wording to be honest,(like shards of hot metal,i was rivited),Very enjoyable read),and where the pleasure gained was mine..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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