Open Mic: (WD#1)And so..(WD) |
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 08 December 2017 at 11:39pm |
Ya'll ain't got a fraction of my skills, I guess I thought I'd mention When all is settled you fall like petals that's where the trauma stems from Gave up drink...Jack, Jim n all my friends gone..been sober a few weeks Now I'm all about these foliage bars...I'm turning over a new leaf Once I take the shackles off n let truth speak there's no way back Ya must be massive fans of traffic jams..cos ya going no where fast Try Show some class, redeem yourselves and write some plays you cunts Nowadays i swear that temptation don't exist like climate change to Trump And I just like saying Cunt. its essence n the feelings feeling off the tongue Now boredom ensues cos i'm boarding with fools..I used to do this shit for fun!
Edited by Rutter knows best - 09 December 2017 at 12:02am |
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#bananas
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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I dont like your attitude :(
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#Bananas
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DressToKill
Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
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This was cool Rut,
I see you used some plays in every line which is absolutely tell tale of a battler imo. My favorite was probably the opener as I thought it was cleverly put together, you can tell this was pretty light hearted so it read with that vibe. Overall nailed the criteria, only critique would be to shorten the lines up a little bit as the trump line was stretched but that's minor
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The original comeback kid
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Thanks for the feed, rusty as fuck atm trying to get back in the swing.
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#bananas
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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This was really nice. Loved liked the nonchalant, 'light hearted' tone throughout. I thought some of your incorporations were very creative, and almost all of the words were used in a quite humorous way. Highlight to me was the ending couplet, you demonstrated a pretty nice balance of 'introspective' statements and some relevant events. Scheme felt rather natural and your flow's good, per usual. Good to see you participating.
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